The Art of Charm, Inc

We teach and train professionals around the globe science-based communication, leadership, and persuasion skills. You'll be able to leverage the expertise and experience of world-class coaches when it comes to sales, persuasion, and social engagement. Need to align your team and drive a unified front toward your vision? We've helped Fortune 500 CEOs with this. Need to amp up your sales game? Our team has developed proprietary sales frameworks to support just that. 

Whether you listen to our globally-recognized podcast, join our Network+ program, or come on-site for our Hollywood Bootcamp, you're joined by millions of men and women trying to accomplish the same things: increase leadership and persuasion skills, reduce social awkwardness, and optimize your ability to communicate.

Chief Executive Officer

Sirius XM Radio Inc.

Host, 'The Art of Charm presents: Game On' the only show completely devoted to helping you get (and keep) the girl. From 8-10pm EST on Sirius 108, XM 139.

On-Air Talent (Talkshow Host)

Build your social capital and influence ◼ Over 10,000 clients served in 17 years ◼ Co-Host and Founder, Art of Charm

🔥 Command Presence. Real Influence. No Fluff.

Already invested in coaching or leadership programs… but still feel like something’s missing?

You’ve got the credentials. The hard skills. Maybe even the title.

But if your career growth is slowing because your communication hasn’t caught up — you’re not alone.

Most professionals hit a ceiling when soft skills become the differentiator.

And that’s where I step in.

❌ The truth about most coaching:

Leadership courses? Too generic.

Corporate training? Too political.

Communication books and TED Talks? Great in theory, useless in high-stakes rooms.

You need targeted, practical coaching built around your professional world — not some academic framework.

✅ What You’ll Get Working With Me

10 hours. One-on-one. Personalized. Intensely practical.

We’ll work together to:

Decode high-stakes conversations and make your communication hit harder.

Amplify your influence in rooms filled with executives, engineers, investors, or stakeholders.

Build your “X-Factor” — a powerful personal presence that earns trust fast.

Unleash your Social Intelligence — command the room, influence anyone, and forge relationships.

You’ll never watch a video or sit through fluff. This is tactical training designed for results.

💥 Plus: Join the X-Factor Accelerator

An exclusive, implementation-based group for high performers. Inside:

Get real-time feedback from other driven professionals.

Practice frameworks in live drills.

Build executive presence and influence with accountability.

👊 My Credibility
19+ years in influence, leadership, and communication development.

10,000+ clients across tech, finance, military, and consulting.

Coached U.S. Military Special Forces & Intelligence Units.

Host of a podcast with 450M+ downloads featuring world-class scientists and performance experts.

For the Analytic Mind Turned Leader.
For the Founder Now Fundraising.
For the Operator Who Needs Buy-In Fast.

If you’ve already tried “the other stuff” and still aren’t getting the results — let’s fix it.

DM me.

Let's turn communication into your competitive advantage.

AJ Harbinger

Think charisma is reserved for celebrities?

That belief is holding you back.

Charisma isn’t fame.
It’s the ability to attract, connect, and influence.

And it’s not reserved for the rich or famous.

You see it in that friend everyone gravitates toward.
Or the colleague people naturally trust and admire.

Their charisma opens doors—not because they’re special,
but because they’ve learned how to connect.

Charisma isn’t a divine gift.
It’s a skill.

Yes, genetics play a role—but most of it comes from learned behaviors and intentional practice.

Introvert or extrovert, anyone can develop it.

Here’s how to start building real charisma and social influence:

1. Be genuinely interested in others
Curiosity is magnetic. Listen deeply. Ask thoughtful questions. Make people feel seen.

2. Maintain strong eye contact
Eye contact signals confidence and presence. It tells people, “You matter.”

3. Use open, positive body language
Smile. Nod. Keep your posture open. Approachability builds connection fast.

4. Communicate clearly and confidently
Say less, but say it well. Cut filler words. Speak with intention.

5. Develop emotional intelligence
Notice emotions—yours and theirs. Empathy strengthens trust.

6. Share what excites you
Passion is contagious. Authentic enthusiasm draws people in.

7. Stay humble and authentic
Confidence without ego is powerful. Be real. Be grounded.

Charisma isn’t something you’re born with.
It’s something you build—one interaction at a time.

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I became a father this year.

Everything changed.

Not in some profound movie moment way.

In the quiet, terrifying, beautiful way things change when you hold a life you made and realize you get one shot at this.

I recentered everything around family.

The clients who drain me? Gone.

The projects that sound good but feel wrong? No.

The opportunities that would impress people but steal time from my daughter? Not worth it.

I spent years saying yes because I thought I had to.

Building a business. Building a brand. Building what I thought success looked like.

Then I held her for the first time and understood what I was building toward.

We dialed in our core values as a family.

Not some corporate exercise with sticky notes.

Real conversations about what matters when she asks us in ten years why we made the choices we made.

Those values gave me permission to say no.

To clients. To colleagues. To people I respect.

Saying no used to feel like failure.

Now it feels like protection.

I am not the father I want to be yet.

Not even close.

I lose my patience. I check my phone when I should be present. I think about work when I should be thinking about her.

But I know the gap now.

I see the father I want to become.

The one who shows up. Who listens. Who chooses her over everything else that screams for attention.

That clarity is the gift.

Not perfection. Direction.

This year taught me that success is not what you build for other people to see.

Success is what you protect when no one is watching.

The time. The attention. The presence.

I am grateful for my daughter.

For my wife who chose me for this.

For the clarity that comes from knowing what you would give up everything else to keep.

That is what I am thankful for this year.

You're the person everyone goes to when they need something done right.

Competent. Reliable. Always available.

And you just got passed over for the promotion again.

"I need to be more visible. Speak up more in meetings."

So you volunteer for more projects. You make yourself even MORE available.

It doesn't work.

Here's what's happening.

You fell into The Availability Trap.

You're so good at your job that you've trained everyone to see you as the person who executes, not the person who leads.

When you're always available, you signal something you don't intend to signal:

Low demand.

One client came to me after being passed over twice for a director role. 

Top performer. Always available. Always solving problems.

We changed one behavior.

Next time someone asked for his time on something non-urgent:

"I'm locked in on the Q3 analysis until Thursday. Can we connect Friday morning?"

Three things happened:

He signaled he's working on something important enough to protect.

He made his attention scarce.

He created a future touchpoint on his terms.

Within six months, he was invited into strategy conversations he'd never been part of before. Within nine months, he got the promotion.

Nothing changed about his technical skills. Everything changed about how people valued his time.

Here's the principle:

Behavioral economics shows people assign higher value to scarce resources.

When you're always available, you signal low demand.

When you're strategically unavailable, people start wondering: 

"What is he working on that's more important than this?"

That question creates status.

The formula:

Protect your calendar. 

Make your time scarce. 

They value your attention. 

Perceived authority without saying a word.

High-value people don't chase opportunities. They create demand for their time.

This week, practice strategic withdrawal once.

When someone asks for something non-urgent, protect your focus and offer a specific alternative time.

Watch how the dynamic shifts.

Picture yourself as a gardener.

Because the truth is, most business success comes down to simple, consistent care.

Building relationships, like gardening, is all about
nurturing the right connections.

Care, patience, and a little bit of effort
will lead to the most fruitful partnerships.

So, let's start planting the seeds of trust today...

→ Don’t rush the growth.
Listen to your client's needs.
Understand their goals. Guide without pushing.

→ Don’t blame the relationship for not advancing quickly.
Acknowledge effort, not just results.
Foster trust & support. Celebrate small wins.

→ Don’t abandon relationships before they have a chance to grow.
Connections need time to deepen.
Be patient with progress. Allow time to develop.

→ Choose the right connections for the right opportunities.
Focus where it can thrive.
Align interests with goals. Share your social capital.

→ Nourish and cultivate.
Support their development.
Offer value and resources. Appreciate generously.

→ Remove obstacles.
Cultivate a positive environment.
Address issues. Take responsibility.

→ Remember, there will be ups and downs.
You can’t control everything; only be prepared.
Anticipate changes. Prepare for challenges.

As complex as building relationships may seem, it's really about a handful of simple practices.

Nurture your connections.
Invest in their growth.

And the results will speak for themselves.

Be honest—how many great ideas have you talked yourself out of this week?

Top performers aren’t successful because they have better ideas.

They’re successful because they act on the ideas they already have.

The longer you think about acting, the harder it becomes to act.

Here’s how to break that cycle:

1. 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
When an idea shows up, move on it right away—send the message, write the outline, start the draft. Action builds momentum before doubt shows up.

2. 𝐒𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬
You can’t hit a target you haven’t defined. Clarity creates direction, and direction gives you something to run toward.

3. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬
Big goals feel overwhelming. Small steps feel doable. One micro-action at a time creates consistency.

4. 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞
 Leaders aren’t built by motivation. They’re built by rhythm. Give action a place in your daily routine.

5. 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
If it steals your focus, it steals your progress. Remove the noise so your mind can stay on what matters.

6. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬
Urgency turns intention into action. A simple deadline can do more than hours of planning.

7. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞
Share your goals with someone who will actually check in. Accountability turns “I’ll try” into “I will.”

8. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞
Failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the process of success. Each misstep sharpens your approach.

9. 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬
Progress compounds when you acknowledge it. Small wins keep the momentum alive.

Act now.

Success isn’t waiting for a perfect plan—just your first step.

You're networking wrong.

Most people work the room all night. Shake every hand. Stay until the lights come on.

Then nobody remembers them.

High-value operators do this instead:

Show up.

Have 3 quality conversations.

Leave early.

You were there. 

But you didn't stay until the end collecting cards.

Next event, people notice when you arrive. 

They remember you left last time.

You created scarcity around your presence.

Your time became something to compete for.

Here's why this works:

When you're at every event until midnight, you become furniture. People stop tracking your movements. Your presence loses meaning.

Strategic absence makes people ask: Where did he go? What's he working on?

The formula:

Quality conversations over quantity contacts.

Early exit over marathon attendance.

Scarcity over availability.

Your presence becomes an event.

I've watched this pattern repeat. 

The executives who attend fewer events get more opportunities.

The founders who leave early get more follow-ups.

Availability kills intrigue.

Scarcity builds value.

Stop maximizing face time.

Start maximizing impact per appearance.

Ever feel guilty for your own success? 

That’s not an accident.

Someone took a shot at you recently.

A coworker saying "must be nice" when you mentioned your vacation.

A friend going "wow, you've changed" when you talked about something you're excited about.

And before you realized what happened, you were explaining yourself.

Justifying. Defending.

I used to do this constantly. Someone would throw a dig my way and I'd go into "let me prove I'm not the bad guy" mode.

It took me years to figure out what was happening.

They weren't attacking me. They were trying to pull me into their frame.

When someone goes low. When they get passive-aggressive or dismissive or condescending. They're setting a trap.

If you defend yourself, you're playing on their court. They're steering the interaction. And somehow you feel like the one who did something wrong.

The most influential people I've studied do something different.

Instead of defending or attacking back, they name what's happening.

"Sounds like my schedule is frustrating for you."
"Seems like this project landing bothered you."
"Feels like you're worried I'm pulling away."

Then they ask what the other person needs.

This short-circuits the emotional trap. You're not defending. You're leading.

After coaching over 10,000 clients on communication, I've watched this pattern play out hundreds of times.

Most people spend their lives bouncing between justifying and attacking back.

Both are low-value responses.

The third path is defining the moment instead of reacting to it.

Stop letting other people set the terms of your conversations.

Great advice is worthless if no one listens.

This one shift makes people actually care.

Someone mentions a problem.

You jump in with the solution.

Smart answer. Valuable insight.

And they completely ignore it.

My analytical clients do this most. They hear a problem and immediately offer the fix.

But here's what they miss:

People don't value advice they didn't work for.

I learned this watching how interrogators extract information. 

They never give answers first. They make you earn clarity through articulation.

Here's the psychology:

When someone works before receiving value, you trigger effort justification. Their brain decides: "I invested in this answer, so it must be worth hearing."

You just made your advice 10x more valuable without changing a word.

Over the last 17 years, I've taught this to executives who wondered why their teams ignored their guidance.

The problem wasn't the advice. It was the sequence.

Most people give solutions before establishing cost. Your brain devalues anything that comes free.

Understanding that changes how you mentor, coach, and lead.

The pattern I use:

Before offering advice, extract their constraint. Make them articulate what's not working. Let them reveal their gap.

Then deliver.

When you make someone work to frame their problem, three things happen:

They clarify their actual issue (not the surface symptom). They invest attention into the conversation. They value whatever comes next.

This applies everywhere. Client meetings. Team discussions. Networking conversations.

The advice that gets ignored? The advice that came too easy.

The advice that transforms people? The advice they had to work to receive.

Stop giving away your best insights for free.

Make people pay the attention tax first.

I used to think hard work was everything.

Being raised in a blue-collar single-dad family

My mantra was:

Work harder than anyone else.

That ethic led me to:

❌ Choosing to work instead of building relationships
❌ A dead-end of grinding it out daily
❌ Shrinking my worldview

Once I’ve started building relationships outside of grad school

My whole (social) life transformed. 

It’s been eye-opening for me. 

→ I didn’t have to fight as hard to get to where I wanted to go because I had the relationships to get me there. 

Building high-level relationships is a quick and easy way to unlock:

✔️ New levels in your life
✔️ New opportunities 
✔️ Trust 

You don’t have to struggle with all the friction.

Finish this year strong and step into the next level.

You light up when someone compliments your work.

That reaction costs you status.

Watch what happens: 

Someone says "Great presentation." 

You smile. 

"Thank you so much! I spent hours on the data analysis and refining the visuals..."

You told them you needed their approval.

I've noticed the opposite pattern in people with influence.

They do something I call validation immunity.

Same scenario. "Great presentation."

Response: "I appreciate that."

Neutral expression. 

No expansion.

Then they shift: "What questions do you have about the timeline?"

They moved forward because their internal assessment didn't change based on someone else's opinion.

Here's what's happening underneath:

When you expand on compliments, you signal their opinion determines your value.

When you receive neutrally and redirect, you signal you already know what you did. 

Their agreement is noted. Not needed.

The formula is simple.

Compliment received. 

"I appreciate that." Shift topic.

People with influence don't need your validation.

They validated themselves before you showed up.

The body language cue that reveals more than words ever will.

Most people think reading body language means watching for crossed arms or eye contact.

Wrong.

FBI counterintelligence expert Joe Navarro taught me the one signal that trumps everything else.

It's called the freeze response.

Here's what it looks like:

You're delivering feedback. Negotiating. Sharing news that matters.

The person across from you suddenly goes still.

Their hands stop moving mid-gesture.

Breathing pauses.

They lock up for 2-3 seconds.

That's their limbic system taking over. You just hit something real.

Most people miss this completely because they're focused on what to say next. They keep talking, filling space, moving past the moment.

Wrong move.

The freeze is your oldest threat response. Older than fight or flight. When someone freezes, their primitive brain just overrode their conscious control.

Whatever you said landed deep.

FBI research confirms the freeze appears before any other defensive behavior. Catch it early and you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface.

Here's the play:

Deliver your point.

Spot the freeze.

Stay silent.

Let them sit in it.

They'll fill the space and reveal what actually matters.

Most professionals are terrified of silence. They rush to smooth things over, clarify, soften the blow.

That's exactly when you need to shut up and wait.

The truth emerges in those 5-10 seconds of discomfort. Not through interrogation. Through strategic silence.

You don't need to be an FBI agent to spot the freeze.

You just need to stop talking long enough to see it.

Your career isn’t being held back by a lack of talent—it’s being held back by shallow connections.

And before you blame your network, ask yourself this: are you actually building one, or just stockpiling names?

Many professionals focus on network breadth (how many people they know) while completely neglecting network depth (the quality of those relationships).

But here's the real truth:

A sprawling network of surface-level connections rarely delivers meaningful opportunity.

What determines your network's power isn't its size but its interconnectedness and the mutual investment in each relationship.

I call this "relationship density" - and it's the hidden factor behind truly valuable networks.

High density networks feature:

• Trust-based relationships (not just transactional exchanges)
• Ongoing value creation (not just value extraction)
• Proactive connection (not just reactive outreach when you need something)
• Genuine knowledge of others' needs and goals
• Strategic relationship nurturing

Low density networks feature:

• Superficial connections with little trust
• Sporadic engagement only when beneficial to you
• Little understanding of others' true priorities
• No systematic approach to relationship maintenance

After studying thousands of professional relationships, the pattern is clear:

Those with smaller but denser networks consistently outperform those with larger but looser connections.

Quality defeats quantity every time.

The irony? Building relationship density takes less time than endlessly expanding a low-quality network.

It's not about doing more - it's about focusing your relational energy more strategically.

What's one relationship in your network that deserves more intentional investment this week?

You’re one question away from being unforgettable.

Most conversations die because nobody shifts the depth.

You meet someone. Exchange pleasantries. Talk about work. Then nothing.

Here's what changes everything:

Listen for care signals.

When someone mentions what they're trying to do, don't respond with surface questions.

Ask about motivation instead.

They say: "I've been mentoring junior engineers."

Most people: "Oh, how's that going?"

You: "What made you want to do that?"

Watch them pause.

Then they tell you something real.

"Nobody did that for me. I don't want them to figure it out the hard way."

You just went from small talk to substance.

This is identity-level disclosure. You're asking WHO they are, not WHAT they do.

People remember the person who sees them.

The formula: Care signal → Motivation question → Let them go deep.

Try it this week.

You'll be the conversation they remember.

Most networking conversations die the moment they end.

You exchange cards. Promise to “stay in touch.”

Then nothing.

After coaching over 10,000 clients, I’ve learned the real problem:

You never created anything worth following up on.

Here’s what I mean:

When someone says “I’m building AI capabilities, but finding engineers who understand business is impossible” — most people respond with sympathy.

“That’s tough.”

“Yeah, hiring is brutal.”

Wrong move.

What just happened? They revealed their goal AND their constraint in one sentence.

Goal: AI capabilities.

Constraint: talent gap.

Now instead of offering to “pick your brain sometime,” do this:

“I know someone who just left a similar role. Want me to make an introduction?”

Three things just happened:

→ You proved you were listening

→ You demonstrated relevant relationships

→ You created a concrete reason to follow up

This is genuine reciprocity. Not manipulation. Just specific help that matters.

Harvard Negotiation Project research confirms it: micro-help builds trust faster than grand promises.

When you prove value within 48 hours, the relationship shifts.

They text you back.

They think of you when opportunities surface.

They actually want to stay connected.

The formula:

1. Spot their goal
2. Spot their constraint
3. Offer one specific action within two days

Not “let me think about it.”

One introduction. One article. One suggestion they can use tomorrow.

Most people leave events with cards and no next steps.

You can leave with three people who remember exactly how you helped them.

That’s the difference between collecting contacts and building relationships.

You've been climbing the wrong pyramid your entire career.

Maslow's hierarchy promised that if you checked the boxes (basic needs, safety, belonging, esteem) you'd reach self-actualization and feel complete.

The National Institutes of Health calls this "one of the most pernicious ideas in the social sciences."

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans from Stanford explain exactly why on this week's podcast.

Listen to this.

You contain more aliveness than one lifetime permits you to live.

If there's more potential inside you than you could possibly express in 80 years, and fulfillment requires living all of it, then you're chasing something mathematically impossible.

You were designed to feel incomplete.

Bill and Dave call this the "achieving brain." The mode most people operate in 99.7% of the time. Always optimizing. Always asking what else do I need to do?

Meanwhile, you miss the meaning that's already here.

Bill stopped on his way to class last week. A bush covered in blue flowers, blooming in late fall when it shouldn't. He took a picture. Tucked a flower in his notebook.

That was a meaning-making moment. Not because it was profound. Because he noticed.

Dave calls this the difference between the "transactional world" and the "flow world." Same reality, different lens. One keeps you stuck performing. The other lets you experience your life.

The shift that changes everything: Got to versus get to.

Bill used to drag himself to staff meetings he created. "I gotta go to this meeting."

Then he flipped it: "I get to work with some of the smartest people in the world trying to make the planet better."

Same meeting. Different experience.

Where you look is where you go.

Motorcycle riders know this. Stare at the ditch and you drive right into it.

Same with your career, your relationships, your entire life.

Stop climbing the pyramid.

Start noticing what's already here.

This one habit instantly makes you more likable, more connected, and more effective at work.

Show genuine appreciation.

We don’t praise people enough because we often believe that people in our lives already know how we feel about them.

This creates what scientists call a liking gap.

We have a psychological bias to underestimate how good our compliments make others feel.

Most think our good vibes are clear without saying much. Not true!

In fact, science shows that people love receiving appreciation almost as much as receiving physical gifts.

It’s magical, really.

The simplest way to start is to express gratitude to the people around you.

Letting your peers know what you think about them not only creates connection but also boosts your own mental health and resilience.

Bet you didn’t think praising others could help you feel more chipper, right?

It creates social support and lowers the stress response which improves productivity and motivates us.

This is huge for careers and making friends.

Creating true connections is what matters. 

That way, your network is full of people who really support you.

Whether it’s at work or in day-to-day life, showing appreciation is the fertilizer for any relationship.

Let people know how important they are to you, and you may be surprised by their response.

Why do some leaders get loyalty while others get excuses?

It comes down to one thing: authority versus influence.

Authority comes from your position.
Influence comes from connection.

Authority can demand action.
Influence inspires commitment.

This difference explains why:

• Some managers get bare minimum effort, while others get discretionary energy
• Some parents get compliance while others get genuine cooperation
• Some salespeople get reluctant purchases while others get enthusiastic referrals

True influence isn’t about techniques or tactics. It’s built on a foundation of genuine connection.

And the counterintuitive key to that connection? Appropriate vulnerability.

Not oversharing. Not manufactured weakness.

But sharing your human experience authentically—enough to create bridges, not walls.

I’ve seen executives transform their leadership simply by explaining the thought process behind decisions instead of just announcing outcomes.

I’ve watched professionals strengthen client relationships by acknowledging the limits of their expertise rather than pretending to know everything.

The most influential people understand this: genuine vulnerability doesn’t diminish your impact—it amplifies it.

Because influence doesn’t come from appearing perfect.
It comes from being human in a way that allows others to connect with you authentically.

The question isn’t whether you have authority—it’s whether you’re creating the kind of connection that builds lasting influence.

What kind of connection are you creating today?

The fastest way to deepen any relationship is simpler than we make it.

Think of the friend you most enjoy being around.

Why do you enjoy their company?

There are many factors at play here, but typically, when we think about the people we are closest to and the ones we enjoy being around, there is a consistent theme.

It’s actually quite simple.

They actually care about 𝘺𝘰𝘶...

About what’s going on in 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 life...

About the things that get you excited…

The things that scare you…

Even the things that motivate you…

They may not be saints.

They may not check off certain boxes.

But at the end of the day, what matters is that they actually care about you.

That’s a big part of being a high-value person.

Do you care?

Do you give a little bit of your time, attention, empathy, etc. to the people who are giving it to you?

None of us want to be takers.

We all envy the people who give freely of themselves and in return, reap friendship, admiration, and loyalty.

And the good news is, it’s not out of reach.

You got this in you.

Start small.

Care big.

Watch the magic unfold.

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