Chason Forehand

HR-4U INC.

My story consists of years of physical and mental abuse, drug addiction, homelessness, shame, self-loathing, incarceration and suicidal ideation.

I thought I was worthless.

I was offered a gift by someone in the culinary field that wanted to pay it forward, as it had been paid forward to them.  This set me on a path to get clean and see how I could pay it forward.

Forty-four percent (44%) of the U.S. makes below a living wage.
  
Poverty is on the rise.

Food Insecurity is at an all-time high.

How do we address these socioeconomic challenges with actionable change that breaks the cycles?

On the Advocacy side, we lock arms with End Workplace Abuse, Workplace Fairness, over 115 partners in 8 countries, to stand firm that people matter over everything else.  We are currently charging in the NY/NJ/CT area to help pass the Psychological Safety Act.

Our boots on the ground is our Transformation Kitchen(™️) program which builds strong communities of mentally and physically healthy humans that leave their addictions, violence, incarceration and past decisions behind to move forward in a positive way.  

With our Director of Student Wellness, Sarah O'Brien, we make sure those moving through our program are set up to thrive, not survive.

We are much more than a culinary training facility; we are a beacon of hope in the darkness.

Our first #TK is in Matagalpa, Nicaragua, working in tandem with Rayo de Sol to build a legacy of economic change.

Our next one will be in NY and we will be making more announcements soon.

If you would like to know more about our programs and how to get involved reach out here:
https://linktr.ee/chasonforehand

Founder

The Outlier Project

A dedicated professional development and growth community.  A special focus of The Outlier Project is to develop leaders who believe that companies and individuals alike succeed or fail based on the quality of the teams they build and the relationships they invest in.  We call this having a “People Over Everything” mindset.

Proud Audacious Member

Success Champion Networking (SCN)

The Success Champions Network is a B2B networking platform designed to connect like-minded businesses for genuine conversations, introductions, and growth opportunities. 

It aims to foster collaborations and substantial business growth through a community of professionals who adhere to the Success Champion's Code. Members gain access to actionable insights, immediate knowledge for business growth, and exclusive training programs. 

The network is not just about networking; it's about building a community, expanding business opportunities, and accessing practical knowledge to help members take their businesses to the next level.

Hospitality Table Member

Transform

The Transform Community is a dynamic network of professionals and leaders dedicated to enhancing their professional journeys through a dedicated online member experience. 

Members can leverage the collective wisdom of the community, engage in discussion forums, and access specialized groups. The community also offers real-time chats and a membership directory, providing rich resources and events to keep members connected and inspired.

U.S. Member

HR Consultations

I am the Founder and creator of a company designed to help small to medium sized Not-For-Profit, and Social Good organizations receive sound, expert advice, technical system assistance, and services without sales pressure and upselling. Our team has created a robust portfolio of helping many organizations thrive in tough economic times and a global pandemic.  We support our clients in every aspect of HR, developing policies, procedures, technical advice, developing programs and platforms to enhance their needs and put them on an empowered path of self-reliance.

Founder / Fractional HR

Spartan/LifeLab

As a senior leader of the organization, I was tasked with developing strategies for retaining the best talent, including how we recruited, engaged. and communicated with staff members across three countries and in multiple US states.  

My teams and I built the entire HR stack, award winning Safety Protocols for our warehouses, and all of the policies and procedures for the company.  We also developed, created, and marketed natural, food grade, nutrient-based supplements, and personal care products which were manufactured and distributed in the US.  

Our incredible marketing and Sales teams worked in tandem to double our YoY numbers in every division category, opening pathways to new markets, while solidifying relationships with Amazon, Walmart, Sally's Beauty, and others.  We developed strategies to increase our market space in traditional brick-n-mortar, B2B and B2C capacities while challenging ourselves for "what's next".

Our Warehouse teams went over 2 years without a single accident, maintained cGMP standards, and received excellent ratings from the FDA, Health Department, and other agencies, while shipping 100% on time to our partners each week.  This won us two coveted awards where we all shared the victory.

Director Of Operations

Founder of hr-4u.org▪︎Breaking down employment barriers▪︎People over Everything▪︎Neurodiversity Inclusion▪︎Disabilty Equality▪︎Military Ready

I believe in the power of people.

When we collaborate and work together we can move mountains, build communities, and conquer socioeconomic issues plaguing our cities.

Everyone should have a safe space to call home.

Everyone should have consistent access to nutritious food.

Everyone deserves to make a living wage.

I believe there is a way that companies and their teams can thrive.

At HR-4U INC, we are known for empowering change-driven companies and their leaders to advocate for and uplift their employees with living wages, worth, and wellbeing. 

Using a specialized grassroots approach, we empower change-driven leaders to stand up, speak out, and take action. This approach includes strategically collaborating with other nonprofits to shine a light on leaders who prioritize people first. 

This collaborative spirit stems from over 40 years of honing my “people-first” passion and experience in the Culinary, Human Resources and Diversity, Equity & Inclusion spaces. 

We are thrilled to announce that HR-4U has achieved the prestigious Platinum Seal of Transparency from Candid/GuideStar for the fourth year in a row. This remarkable accomplishment is a testament to our unwavering commitment and relentless dedication.

Our newest program, Transformation Kitchen™, is designed to provide participants skilled training, a strong sense of community, wellness checkups, healthy meals and living wage careers.

Find out how you can get involved to create positive change in your community.

We are a charitable 501c3 Nonprofit, incorporated as hr-4u inc., in Delaware.  We're on a mission to remove the roadblocks that create barriers to finding living-wage employment for all communities. 

How we affect change:

We create meaningful relationships with employers, of all sizes, that are already exhibiting equitable hiring behaviors, creating meaningful diversity measures, and align with our mission.  We also look for individuals that are coaching leader behaviors towards people over everything.

We shine a light on the successful behaviors of our Employer-Partners & Leader-Partners through social media avenues, video recordings, speaking engagements and other venues.  By shining this light on positive behaviors, we create change for all to see and witness.  As our partnerships grow, the intensity of our light will grow, creating organic change while supporting fantastic leaders that are changing the world.

At Success Champion Networking (SCN) we make real connections to help people learn, share, and grow, together.

I'm fairly new at the Hospitality Table, but these guys are like my family.

Our meetings are at 11 AM ET on Tuesdays for an hour.

I'm truly amazed by what Donnie Boivin has created, and how each incredible chapter has it's own vibe while keeping to the the core principles that make up what SCN is all about!

Noelle Labrie, Chef Simon Zatyrka, Todd Vahlsing and I are here to serve our members and guests.

Grateful to Ruth Mallon, Cristina Gia Luciano, Zev Gotkin, Neil Newman, Mike Porto, Daran Adair, Melissa Long, Kristen Chimack and others that make the Hospitality Table so amazing!

Special shout out to Paul McCarthy....you can never leave us buddy! 

If you're interested in connecting with incredible people, let me know & Ill get you situated.

#SCN #HospitalityTable #VC

Breaking the cycles of poverty, homelessness, and food insecurity with Transformation Kitchen™️ because everyone has a right to thrive, not just survive. “We don’t just flip eggs, we flip lives.”

The work I do doesn't sleep.

Breaking the cycles of poverty, homelessness and food insecurity takes intentionality.

I'm truly grateful to do the work.

I'm grateful 🙏 for people like Anna Morgan, Melinda Alcosser, and Katy Rey that give me the opportunity to tell my story and explain why we do the work we do.

I'll be in NYC March 28th with Rayo de Sol Nicaragua to promote our Transformation Kitchen work we're doing in Matagalpa.

You can get in-person tickets until March 23rd OR virtual tickets until March 26th.

I'll be in Tampa at Celebrate YOU with Katy Rey 
helping her amazing organization Fostering Hearts FL !

Tickets available now.

If you missed yesterday's #FunkyFriday with Corey Easterday you're going to want to rewind.  This guy is legit doing some amazing things.  

Hit up our podcast, Time2CHANGE on any platform that you like and give us a nod.

Go do some cool stuff today!

Do Good. Be Kind. Spread Joy.

Breaking the cycles of poverty, homelessness, and food insecurity with Transformation Kitchen™️ because everyone has a right to thrive, not just survive. “We don’t just flip eggs. We flip lives.”

Happy #FunkyFriday friends!

It's our time to drop those worries in the wastebasket outside and jump into the virtual roller-skating rink where we can:
🎆meet new people
🎆cheer on others
🎆learn something new
🎆have some fun

I'm schreeching the tires, running into the rink from in-person meetings today and WOW....do we have a #FunkyFriday drop for you today.  

Buckle up!

As I walk in the mood is vibing and the music is jiving!  DJ Prince (aka Amanda) is that Chaka on the mic?

I saw the Outlier VW Van in the parking lot and I see Tom has dropped off all of the awesome folks from The Outlier Project into the rink to celebrate with us!  Gracias!

Twenty #Outliers are in Matagalpa with Peter, Audra, and the team of Rayo de Sol Nicaragua building, painting and moving the needle!  

We can't wait to hear all about it.  I will be heading back this Summer to do some work with the team for #TKNicaragua and I'm excited!

Over at The Muse Tiki Bar my friends Noelle, Todd, Simon, Ruth, Paul, John  and Founder Donnie are chatting up all of the cool chapters we have in Success Champion Networking (SCN).

I'm honored to be the Member Chair for the Hospitality Table.  Reach out if you would like to know more about this amazing group!

On the other side of The Muse I see Melissa, Jerry, Nicole (Nic), and Derek talking about our first #TKCookbook available March 28th at our #CookingUPChange event (then globally in April).

Huge thanks to Melissa Carson who was our Signature Sponsor for the cookbook and GUIDING BRILLIANT WRITERS (GBW) PUBLISHING, LLC for the amazing work to put this together.

OK, I'm in line for my skates, so you know what that means.....it's time for the rink chatter....

Welcome to Season 8 of #Time2CHANGE! 

We are powered by the wonderful folks at Maono!

Current Sponsors:
Do Better Consulting
Melissa Carson 
Curious Elixirs
Saratoga Spring Water Company
Mid-Hudson Valley Federal Credit Union
PepsiCo Newburgh Distro 
HR Consultations
Chef Christopher Follari
Hudson Valley Kitchen 
Industrial Arts Brewing Company

Our #Time2CHANGE guest today Dr. Jeff Wetzler’s ASK method helps leaders unlock the hidden wisdom within their teams to drive stronger collaboration smarter decision making and lasting community‑wide impact.

Go to wherever you listen to podcasts and tune in AND grab a copy of his best-selling book "Ask" (📌link in the comments) !

💥Remember to like, download, and leave us a review on your favorite platform to listen in to podcasts💥

I've got my skates and it's time to go. 

Check on 3 people as my buddy Cindi says!

#FunkyFriday #ASK #Curiosity #TK #SCN #Outliers

MENTAL FITNESS COACH FOR HIGH PERFORMANCE -Lawyers: Feeling overwhelmed and burned out? Become Mental Powerhouse and Dominate Your Demanding Law Practice

You’ve built a successful law career. 

So why does it still feel this hard?

I was in my mid fifties. 
For two years, I struggled with weakness and burnout. 

I believed what many Boomers silently accept: 
Maybe the best years are behind me.

I felt exhausted. 

My health collapsed. 

I had surgery. 

I nearly died.

I asked myself, 
"Is it time to step back? Retire? Fade out? Is the best of my life over?"

But something in me refused to settle.

One day as I weakly hobbled out of my doctor's office, I made a decision. 
I put an imaginary stake in the ground.

I declared, 
"The rest of my life would be the best of my life."

I changed how I lived: what I ate, how I moved, how I worked. 

I became a vegetarian. 

Started daily Pilates. 
Focused on restoring my energy, my strength, and my vision.

I focused on mental clarity, reduced stressful activities, and spent my time building a business I love. 
I stopped being a worker bee.
I came back stronger.

In my seventies, 
I launched two businesses and wrote a third book. 

Today, at 76, I run four. 
I lead a team of seven.

I’m engaged, I travel, I’m healthy, 
and I’m creating more wealth and impact than I ever imagined in my fifties.

Not because I work more. 

But because I finally stopped working the old way.

And that’s what I help lawyers do.

After 30+ years coaching attorneys, partners, firm owners, seasoned professionals.
I’ve seen the pattern repeat.

You’ve put in the hours. 
Built the reputation. 
Hit the milestones.

But behind the scenes, it’s chaos.
You’re overcommitted, under supported, and living in reaction mode.

Your health is slipping, your schedule is relentless, and your life? 
It’s been on hold for years.

Maybe you’re wondering: 
“Is this as good as it gets?”

I created the Pinnacle Lawyer Mastermind for lawyers who are done grinding and ready to reinvent.

Not with fluff.

With strategy, structure, and a new playbook built on your most valuable asset: wisdom.

The lawyers I work with don’t want to retire. 
They want to thrive.
They want time back. 
Energy back. 
Money flowing. 
And clarity about what comes next.

If that’s you, let’s talk.

The next chapter of your life and law practice doesn’t have to look like the last one.
It can be lighter. 
Smarter. 
More profitable. 
More alive.

You didn’t come this far to stall out.

pamela@pamelaldeneuve.com

Pamela DeNeuve

Michael spent three years working 80-hour weeks to make partner.

But only two months after making partner, he started missing deadlines. Michael was baffled!

When we first talked, he said:
"I don't understand what's happening. I worked harder to get here than I've ever worked in my life. Now that I'm here, I can't seem to get anything done."

Michael built his career ensuring nothing slipped through the cracks. He arrived early, stayed late, and rarely turned down requests.

His work was always flawless because he checked it several times before sending it out.

But after becoming a partner, something changed.

He sat at his desk for hours, unable to start on briefs. He rewrote emails over and over and missed a filing deadline for the first time.

His managing partner pulled him aside, and even his wife asked if he was okay.
Michael said:

"I feel like I'm waiting for someone to realize they made a mistake promoting me."

Here’s what we discovered together.

Michael had been following an invisible rule he learned long before law school:
If I work harder than everyone else and never make a mistake, I'll be safe.

That rule helped him succeed as an associate, but after he became a partner, it started to work against him.

Now, every decision felt risky. Every project had to meet his rising expectations.
So he began to procrastinate, rewrite, and overthink everything.

Without realizing it, his mind tried to protect him from the pressure by making him avoid finishing tasks.

After six weeks of working together, Michael made one change that turned everything around.

He started treating his new role as if he were learning to practice law from the beginning, allowing himself to be a beginner at being a partner.

The feeling of being stuck disappeared.

Sometimes, the invisible rule that once helped you succeed can be the same thing that starts to hold you back.

Whether we realize it or not, we all have an invisible rule.
The real question is: what is yours costing you?

Turning your successful law career into a legacy of wealth, health and impact.

Busy is not always what it looks like.
Some of the most capable lawyers I meet are carrying 
far more stress than anyone around them realizes.

Angela had not taken a full day off in the past 4 years.
She was proud of this.

Her calendar stayed full for months ahead.
Clients depended on her.
Her partners relied on her.

Over time, being busy became part of her identity.
But then something happened that she did not expect.

Angela’s mother passed away. Her mother’s town was just two hours away.
Angela had always meant to visit.

For months, she kept putting it off.
But there was always another case to handle.

Another hearing to prepare for. Another deadline to meet.
At the service, Angela stood quietly at the back of the room.
People came up to hug her. She saw relatives she had not seen in years.

It was not because they lived far away. It was because she never made time to visit. She missed family reunions. She missed holiday visits, too.

"Next year," she always promised.

Standing there, she felt something inside her break. All the cases that once felt urgent suddenly felt… small.

For the first time, Angela understood the true cost of making busyness her priority.
Her schedule was not just busy.

It was really protecting a rule she had followed for years.
A rule she had never stopped to question.

“If I slow down, everything falls apart.”

That was the rule she kept hidden. It had been quietly shaping her life the whole time.

This happens in the legal field more often than people think. Many lawyers believe they have a time management problem.

But most of the time, that is not the real problem. Instead, they are following a rule they never talk about.

And until you recognize that hidden rule, your busyness is unlikely to change.
Most lawyers do not actually have a time problem.

They are living by a rule they have never questioned.

Ask yourself: what unspoken rule shapes your schedule today? Identify it. Challenge it. Take the first step to reclaim your time.

My dad told me we'd have horses
We never did.

When I was a little girl, my dad told me we'd have horses. The conversation itself is blurry in my memory, but the feeling it left remains vivid. 

I held that image of horses running around in our back yard painted in my mind as though it had already come true. I carried his promise in my heart for years. It never came true.

Unknowingly, I had tucked that memory away in the back of my mind. It lingered in my bank of memories.

Years later, just this weekend, something unexpected happened: my fiancée surprised me for my birthday.

He booked a horseback ride on the beach. He heard my longing for horses. As I sat atop the horse, the ocean stretching endlessly before me, I let the moment wash over me, aware of its significance.

The man I love heard me and wanted to make me happy. I started to cry.
Not sad tears but the other kind. The kind that arrive when something you stopped expecting finally shows up anyway.

Now, as I celebrate my 77th birthday this weekend, the moment feels even more significant.

For six months before my birthday, I practiced saying I was 77. I would tell people that number, even before it was true. 

It wasn’t to deceive anyone, but to prepare myself, to get comfortable with the idea before the day actually arrived.

If I waited until the actual day, I worried the shock might take something from me.
It didn't.

So here I am at seventy-seven, on a horse at the beach, wiping away good tears—engaged to a man who still finds ways to surprise me.

Starting over in the most extraordinary way. Often, the things we were promised but never received shape us more than we realize.

Those missing promises become their own rules, dictating what we deserve, what could still happen, and whether we should expect good things or stop hoping altogether.

I stopped expecting the horse. He came anyway.

What is something someone promised you long ago that never arrived?
Does that old promise still guide you?

She sat in her car in the parking garage, crying for 20 minutes.
And the worst part was… this had happened before.

An hour earlier, Diane had been in a partner meeting, presenting a case she had worked on for weeks. Halfway through the discussion, a junior associate repeated one of her points. The room lit up.

“Excellent insight,” one partner said.
No one noticed Diane had said the same thing ten minutes earlier.
She finished the meeting, walked calmly to the elevator, and held herself together until she arrived at her car.

Gripping the steering wheel, she uttered softly:
“How does this keep happening to me? I have got to get out of here.”

This was her third firm in eight years.

Every move had a logical reason. A difficult partner. A better opportunity. A culture that appeared like a better fit.

But somehow the same experience kept repeating.
When she came to see me, she wanted help finding the right firm.

Instead, I asked her one question.
“What’s the one thing that has been present in every situation?”
The room went very quiet.

Because the hardest moment in a career is realizing the problem may not just be the environment.

It may be the invisible rule you learned long ago about how you must behave to belong.

Diane had been living by one rule for years:
Work hard. Stay quiet. Don’t draw attention to yourself.

And that rule followed her to every firm she joined.
The firm was never the real problem.

The rule was.

When profits fall or pressure grows, lawyers usually respond in the same way.
What hidden force keeps this pattern repeating?

Law firms and lawyers often follow a predictable pattern. Lawyers are trained to question everything, examine evidence, challenge assumptions, and con

Open article: The Secret Few Lawyers Ever Talk About
And Why it Matters by Pamela DeNeuve • 2 min read

The Secret Few Lawyers Ever Talk About
And Why it Matters

Charles spent two decades helping others get rich. Then, everything changed.

He was a brilliant lawyer who worked himself into the ground. Passed over time and time again. 

At 48, after years of giving his all and getting little in return, he finally decided he’d had enough.

With that resolve, he signed a lease, put his name on the door, and stood in his new office on the morning it all became real.

But as he stood there that morning, he had a panic attack. He didn’t feel excitement or pride. He felt terrified.

"I'm a lawyer. I'm not a businessman. What if I fail, and everyone sees it?"

He couldn’t sleep. He felt stuck. He had a new practice to launch, but he couldn’t take action.

Recognizing this turmoil, he reached out for help because he sensed something was wrong, but he couldn’t name it. It wasn’t about strategy or skill.

It was something hidden, something from long ago. He realized he was following an invisible rule:

"You cannot make it on your own. Without someone above you, you are nothing."

Imagine how a belief like that shapes every decision and step for someone building alone. Because of this belief, every new challenge confirmed his fear that he would fail alone.

He wasn’t stuck because he lacked talent. He was stuck because an old belief from childhood was still in control.

Together, we identified that rule and changed it.

He hired a paralegal, then two associates. He built systems and found clients.

Today, that decision has paid off. Charles runs a successful practice. His name is still on the door.

You're not stuck because you lack ability. You're stuck because a hidden belief says so.

What could you build if you let that go?

The strongest person in the room is often the most trapped.

Their circumstances seem perfect: a great car, a beautiful home, prestige and success. 

So why are they trapped?

There is a sentence running their life right now. 

How can you tell if you're being run by a sentence you didn’t choose and don’t even remember writing?

But your brain created a sentence, as a survival skill  before you even knew how to talk. It may look impressive and it built your success.

This Invisible Rule may be the very thing stealing the life and satisfaction you assumed success would guarantee.

Sometimes, it’s easiest to hide behind success. This is especially true when everything looks fine on the outside. One night after my kids left for co

Open article: Why Success is a Perfect Hiding Place  by Pamela DeNeuve • 3 min read

The Three Things Ruining Your Life

You probably tolerate them every day.

We often think our biggest problems are clear. But that’s often not the case. The real problems are often what we’ve simply learned to live with.

I once asked a lawyer to list three things he was tolerating. At first, he laughed, but then he paused and said, “I think I know exactly what they are".

Most of what we put up with doesn’t arrive with a lot of drama. Instead, these things slip in quietly, often leaving us feeling resigned.

It could be a conversation you keep avoiding, stress you’ve come to accept as normal, or a situation you keep promising yourself you’ll deal with someday.

In over thirty years of working with people, I’ve noticed these small things we tolerate shape our careers, relationships, health, and choices by subtly limiting what we pursue or accept, often without us realizing it.

What we tolerate today can shape the life we’ll have tomorrow. That’s why I suggest people notice three things they’re putting up with, not the big problems, but the smaller things they’ve gradually accepted.

Something interesting happens when people finally identify these things. What once felt normal suddenly seems unnecessary.

That’s often when another insight appears. The things we put up with reflect hidden patterns in our lives. These patterns quietly guide our decisions, showing that what we tolerate has deeper significance than we may realize.

So here’s something to think about.

Write down three things in your life you've simply gotten used to, and commit to changing one today.

Real change rarely begins with setting a new goal.

It starts when you recognize and stop tolerating the subtle issues that shape your life.  This shift, rather than just setting new goals, often leads to real change.

AI isn’t here to take your job.

But in a year, someone who understands AI might.
AI itself isn’t the real threat here.

The real risk is not understanding AI.

Let’s be honest.
Have you ever discussed AI and felt pressure to sound knowledgeable, even if you weren’t sure?

It’s that quiet stress of hoping no one asks you a follow-up question.
This happens everywhere. People discuss AI in boardrooms, client meetings, and strategy sessions. Most rely on news or quick takes.

That uncertainty doesn’t just affect what you know. It also shapes your confidence, your decisions, and your leadership.

That’s why the AI Kickoff Town Hall matters: you’ll gain clear, practical AI insights to use immediately.

I will introduce Sharan Kaur, an experienced lawyer and committed AI educator focused on practical, responsible AI training. No hype. No shortcuts. Just real understanding.

Plus, this event is LIVE.

You’ll get expert, tailored advice for your own workflow, concerns, and real-world scenarios, right during the event.

Leave the event ready to confidently and strategically use AI at work, no more guessing or pretending.

A year from now, this step will set apart those who acted from those who stayed uncertain.

Scholarships are available for a short time, and spots for the live Q&A are limited.

Don’t wait, secure your spot now before they’re gone.

You’ll find the registration link in the comments below.

Marcus knew exactly how to win arguments.

So why had his wife stopped talking to him?

Marcus never lost in court. But, he couldn’t understand why his wife stopped talking to him. Across the room, Marcus could read a judge’s body languag

Open article: He Won Every Case—But Lost at Home by Pamela DeNeuve • 2 min read

I almost worked myself into the ground.
And I thought I just needed better time management.

My invisible rule kept me pushing long after my body was worn out. I did not need another planner. I needed awareness.

A question I hear often is: Why Do Brilliant People Struggle With Their Own Lives?

That is a great question. I work with many brilliant men and women. Trying to change their lives on their own is difficult. However, making the right change is more important than we might realize.

You might want to earn more, have a stronger marriage, connect better with your kids, or get healthier, but still feel stuck. It’s not because you lack discipline or motivation. 

Often, it’s because an invisible rule is guiding you.

This rule started early in life. It was how we learned to cope. It is a decision we made as children to get by. Maybe it sounds like: 

“I must achieve to be loved. Or, I can’t let anyone down. Or, I have to do everything myself.”

At one time, this rule helped you. It made you capable, responsible, and maybe even impressive. It could be part of why you’ve been successful.

But now, as an adult, it is out of context. So, it’s holding you back.
It makes you work too much when your marriage really needs you to be present. 

It leads you to control things when your kids actually need your patience. 
It keeps you focused on earning more, even as you ignore how tired you feel inside. 

Maybe you are controlled by your device, although it is ruining your relationship. Or taking that extra drink at night, feeling dull and bloated after dinner. 

You try to fix things on the surface setting new goals, trying new systems, putting in more effort to connect with the family.  But the same pattern keeps coming back.

I understand because I’ve lived it. Overeating, drinking too much, watching TV late at night.

I have noticed many brilliant people struggle because they’re still following an old survival rule.

If you really want to change, it’s not enough to just adjust your habits. You need to ask questions and find out the rule that is running you.

Until you face that rule, it will keep affecting your income, your marriage, your health, and your future.

He never meant to ignore his family.
But his phone was winning every night.

It started slowly.
One email after dinner. Then it was the news. Social media was a necessity. His phone usage escalated to where his device became the most important thing to him.

A quick message during his son’s baseball game. A glance at the screen while his wife was talking. None of it felt serious.

Richard had been a senior partner for eleven years. By every measure, he was successful: a corner office, a demanding caseload, and a strong reputation in court.

But something was happening at home. At dinner, his phone stayed beside his plate. During conversations, his eyes drifted to the screen.

At his son’s games, he heard the cheers but missed the moments. His family noticed before he did.

In our first session, he sighed and said,
“I think I’m addicted to my phone.”

Richard couldn’t put his phone down. His wife said he loved his phone more than the family. He had trained his nervous system to believe every notification mattered more than the moment in front of him.

So we didn’t start with productivity tips. We started with two quiet minutes each morning. No phone. No scrolling. Just stillness. 

He felt like he was having a panic attack. It wasn’t easy, but Richard took his time back.  By week six, he told me, “For the first time in years, I ate breakfast without my phone.”

A small moment. But sometimes small moments are where a life begins to come back.

What might change in your life if your phone stopped winning every night?

In 1987, I started the most important work of my life.
Few knew then; many still don’t.

I named it The Invisible Rule.

The idea itself is simple, but what it means for us is not.

Long before you could choose, speak, or reason, and before anyone asked what you thought, your brain made a decision.

It was a coping decision, a survival choice. This basic operating principle was shaped by the home you grew up in.

Imagine it as a computer’s operating system. It quietly runs in the background, guiding everything you do, even though you don’t notice it.

Since then, that rule has shaped your biggest decisions. It affects your relationships, your finances, your career limits, and your self-worth. 

It’s behind the patterns you can’t break, no matter how much therapy, how many books you read, or how many times you try to start over.

You didn’t create this rule on purpose. But you live by it every day.

For 37 years, I’ve helped people uncover this rule. I’ve worked with lawyers, executives, and leaders. 

These are people who excel at almost everything, except figuring out why they keep running into the same obstacles.

But this year, something changed. I teamed up with an AI genius. Together, we built an app that guides you step by step to uncover your Invisible Rule. 

Unlike anything else, this process adapts to you, providing personalized insights you can’t get from books, therapy, or generic quizzes.

Right now, anyone with a paid ChatGPT account can use it. It’s free, with no strings attached. 

At 77, I’m not interested in helping just a few people. I want to help hundreds of thousands.

After 37 years of work, one belief has always stayed with me: You are not broken. You are not weak. You are not uniquely flawed.

You’re simply running a program you didn’t create. And unlike character traits, programs can be rewritten.

Curious about your Invisible Rule? Comment 'My RULE.'

I’ll guide you from there.

Lack of sleep affects your ability to make good decisions.
Yet you still refer to it as “work ethic.”

Let me ask you a question.

If a colleague came into your office legally impaired, missing details, working more slowly, and reacting more emotionally, would you praise their dedication?

Or would you question whether they were fit for the job?

After being awake for 17 to 19 hours, your thinking is similar to someone with low-level alcohol impairment. Your memory gets worse, your reactions slow down, your emotions are harder to control, and your brain becomes less flexible and creative.

Still, this is how many lawyers work every day.

I once worked with a senior litigator named Sam who was proud of getting only five hours of sleep each night. “I function fine,” he told me.

But then he missed a small clause during a contract review. That one detail ended up costing his client six figures.

He didn’t miss it because he lacked skill. He missed it because his brain was simply too tired.

Losing sleep raises your cortisol levels. When this happens frequently, your ability to think flexibly declines. 

You become more defensive, less strategic, interrupt more, lose your temper faster, and settle for good enough instead of aiming for great.

Here’s the risky part: The more sleep deprived you become, the less able you are to notice how impaired you really are.

You would never go into court after having two drinks. But you might walk in after only four hours of broken sleep and call it discipline.

Is that really work ethic?

Or is it just burnout disguised as ambition?

Why One Bullied Monkey Feels So Familiar

Punch is a baby monkey whose mother rejected him. He would not have made it without help, but zoo keepers stepped in and saved him.

Later, when he was introduced to the other primates, they also rejected him. To help deal with his loneliness and isolation, he carries a small orange Ikea orangutan everywhere, holding it close for comfort.

Millions of people are following his story because it touches something deep inside us.

Some people are baffled because, with millions of children starving, people seem to be indifferent. Yet the lines to visit the zoo are blocks long from all over the world. 

Watching Punch hold that toy made my chest ache. The zookeeper has become his father figure.

I remember walking home as a little girl with a group of children following me, singing, “I know a girl called Bony Maroni.” I cried and sped up, but they did too, jeering until I reached my yard.

That feeling of loneliness and rejection never fully leaves you.

It turns into an invisible rule, a coping pattern that forms when you feel unsafe.

We do all sorts of behaviors to be accepted. We may stay small, overachieve, or make sure never to show weakness.

I see this happen with lawyers. Paul told me, “Pamela, I feel bushwhacked in mediation.” He is experienced and capable, but something from the past still gets triggered.

This is not a weakness. It is the nervous system remembering.

People react to Punch because we recognize what it’s like to be ostracized, shunned or abandoned. Many high achievers still follow rules they learned in moments like that.

We overwork, try to stay in control and make sure we are accepted. We brace ourselves or act indifferent.

The rule that once kept you safe can quietly take over your life.

If you want real change, you need to understand that rule.

Until you feel safe within yourself, you’ll keep reacting to today as if the past is still happening.

Could Alcohol Be Your Real Managing Partner?

Are you in control of your stress, or are you numbing it each night and calling that success?

The Managing Partner says, “Richard, that mistake could have cost us the case. Please close the door as you leave.”

Richard quietly walks back to his office embarrassed, and humiliated. 

No one at the firm knows what he’s dealing with.

His wife is undergoing cancer treatment. Every call from an unknown number makes his chest tighten.

And then there are his parents.

Alzheimer’s has taken his father’s memory. He no longer recognizes Richard.
Richard made the painful decision to move him into care. His mother still hasn’t forgiven him. He knew it was necessary. It still breaks his heart.

Meanwhile, the firm still expects him to bill 2,100 hours.

He’s tired in a way that sleep can’t fix. He feels behind, exposed, and just one mistake away from losing it.

At night, he pours himself a drink to slow his thoughts and take the edge off.

He tells himself, "I need some peace and, it works for a while, and then it doesn’t.

Richard wakes up at 3 a.m. again. The next morning, he’s foggy, less patient, and a bit off. He starts to obsess about that “small” mistake at work and recalling his humiliation. This is how it starts.

For a moment he imagines not being here, and for a moment he thinks of the unthinkable... But he couldn't do that to his wife and kids.

He pours a drink but it has become a habit he can’t stop. He needs alcohol to relieve his pressure and give him some relief. 

Most lawyers don’t fall apart at work. They unravel at home.

They tell themselves they deserve a few drinks and that it helps.

But if alcohol is the only thing that eases your stress, it’s not really helping. It’s managing you.

You can be strong and think you have it all handled but you still need a better way to cope.

Be honest with yourself. Who is really in charge of your stress right now? Ask yourself is Alcohol your Managing Partner?

If you are tired of leaning on a habit that’s quietly stealing your clarity, your focus, and the future you’re working so hard to build, you don’t have to handle it alone. I’m here to help.

You don’t have a sleep problem.
The real issue is that your nervous system is acting like a courtroom, always on high alert.

You win arguments in court. But inside your body, you’re fighting a battle you’re not winning.

Think about that.

Your brain isn’t awake because of your discipline. It stays awake because it senses a threat:

Deadlines. 
Billables. 
Conflict. 
Exposure.

Your amygdala doesn’t care if you close your laptop. It only cares if the threat still feels unresolved.

Here’s what most lawyers never learn:

You only get deep sleep when your parasympathetic system takes over. That’s when your body finally feels safe enough to rest.

But working in law teaches you the opposite: always spot risks, expect attacks, stay alert, and keep your guard up.

You are exceptional at activation. But you haven’t learned how to switch off.

We all want our minds to relax. But if we push our brains to work for 20 hours straight, we can’t expect them to just turn off. 

That’s why we struggle to sleep. We’re up in the middle of the night. Melatonin won’t solve it. Neither will a drink. Scrolling late just makes things harder.

You have to intentionally show your body that it’s safe.

Two non-negotiables:

1. Set a clear mental stopping point. 
2. Don’t let yourself send just one more email.
3. Write tomorrow’s top five tasks. 
4. Close your files marking where you left off, you’ll know where to start tomorrow.

Do you want sharper arguments?
More strategic leeway?
Fewer emotional overreactions?
Higher income with less strain?

So start treating sleep as part of your performance strategy.

Right now, exhaustion is challenging your clarity.
And it’s winning.

AI is already entering the legal profession.

But many lawyers are quietly wondering the same things:

• What can AI actually do in legal practice?

• What are the ethical and malpractice risks?

• Are other firms already using it?

• How do you evaluate AI tools before bringing them into your practice?

The truth is — most attorneys are hearing a lot about AI but haven’t had a chance to ask their real questions.

That’s exactly why we’re hosting an AI Town Hall for Lawyers.

This will be a live, interactive Q&A session where you can ask anything about AI in legal practice — without hype, jargon, or technical confusion.

We’ll discuss:

✔ What AI can (and cannot) do in legal work today

✔ The risks every attorney should understand

✔ How firms are starting to use AI responsibly

✔ How to evaluate tools before adopting them

✔ Your questions — answered live

Join Sharan Kaur, Attorney & AI Specialist and Pamela DeNeuve, Strategist for Lawyers for a practical conversation about how AI is shaping the profession.

📅 March 11 — 2:00 PM EST

📅 March 19 — 1:00 PM EST

Bring your questions. Leave with clarity.

Register here:

https://lnkd.in/evx6pnYi

View event: AI Town Hall For Lawyers - Kickoff 

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The Battle

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Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Chason Forehand's LinkedIn Performance

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