Evan Patterson 💅🏻

Hire Me & Win In The Attention Economy💥 I Help Founders & Startups Grow Audiences 🔥 Ghostwriting • Personal Branding • Social Selling • Community Marketing • Content Strategy • B2B Influencers • Affiliate Programs

👋🏻 You should really click the "...see more" button over there. 👉🏻

😉

I’m Evan Patterson.

Fractional CMO. Personal CMO.
LGBTQ+. AuDHD. Two cats who have main-character energy and paperwork opinions.
Metro Detroit-raised, Chicago-thriving, seeking a EU-husband for dual citizenship (kind of not joking...)

A small but vocal group of humans — plus my mother — call me the Joan Rivers of Marketing. I didn’t ask for that title, but I also didn’t give it back.

My work focuses on helping founders, CEOs, and operators stop sounding like they were assembled by committee. When people understand you quickly, everything gets easier: sales, hiring, partnerships, even that awkward moment when someone pretends they’ve heard of your company before.

My entire approach runs on feral specificity.
Egregiously unique. Audaciously effective.
Ideas with teeth. Narratives with posture. Writing that doesn’t need a spotlight to command attention.

I work in two lanes.

Evan Patterson Consulting
The Fractional CMO lane.

This is where companies finally get a marketing function that isn’t held together by vibes, hope, and a Google Doc last updated during the pandemic. I rebuild the structure, the sequencing, and the decisions that keep revenue steady instead of seasonal.

The second lane
The executive identity work.

Voice extraction. Narrative architecture. Brand presence that doesn’t wobble when the market does. There’s more coming in this lane; something I’m building quietly; and it’s shaping the way I help leaders show up with clarity and actual gravitational pull.

I build systems with staying power.
I build brands people remember without squinting.
I build marketing that earns attention because it deserves attention.

People who work well with me tend to appreciate speed, accuracy, and a sense of humor about the chaos they built before I arrived. People who want a polite museum tour of marketing usually exit early.

My goal is consistent: make you unmistakable.

Fractional Content & Community Marketing Leader

Ditch the gift cards, scrap the underutilized benefits package, and focus on the individuals in your organization instead.

Companies looking to improve performance and retention should care about helping people get further faster towards what matters most in their life. We make this easy with tools to create personalized incentives, meaningful recognition & self-defined benefits that help their people unlock "sacred funds" towards their personal life goals.

Employee Motivation Simplified.

Evan Patterson

A lot of people call activity “strategy.”

Posting more.
Launching faster.
Adding channels.
Buying tools.

That’s not strategy. That’s motion.

Strategy is choosing what not to do.
What you will ignore.
What you will say no to even when it looks shiny.

Most teams don’t lack ideas.
They lack the discipline to choose one direction and live with it long enough for it to work.

“He’s the Joan Rivers of Marketing” - Someone Online ✨ Fractional CMO for Companies 😎 Personal CMO for the Ambitious🏆 Egregiously Unique, Audaciously Effective, Feral Specificity

Your brand should feel inevitable.

Not trendy.
Not clever.
Not loud.

Inevitable.

Like it couldn’t have been anything else.
Like it makes sense the moment someone encounters it.

That feeling doesn’t come from aesthetics.
It comes from alignment, restraint, and knowing exactly who you are building for.

Marketing for Fractional Execs & Founder-led Companies | Fractional CMO for Founder-led Startups | Personal CMO for the Self-Employed | “He’s the Joan Rivers of Marketing” - my ex boss

Business Development Rep@symplr | Passionate about Prospecting | Opportunity Creator | I talk to strangers for fun and profit.

I’m a quota-carrying Account Executive with a foundation in healthcare operations and a track record of creating measurable pipeline impact in regulated markets.In 2025, I sold cybersecurity software at AppOmni and ramped quickly, averaging 8 outbound meetings per month and adding $2.7M in pipeline before my role was eliminated during a company-wide restructuring.In 2024, I exceeded quota at 106% and generated 293 sales-qualified opportunities, producing $12.38M inbound recurring pipeline plus $1.14M outbound recurring pipeline. I also sourced $1.62M in closed-won bookings across 37 deals, including an enterprise deal at $608K. Averaged 20 meetings per month. Before SaaS, I ran the business and RevOps engine for a single-provider dental practice. I owned marketing, compliance, HR, and revenue-cycle operations and helped scale the practice from roughly $280K annually to $2M+ by building a repeatable patient-to-payment growth system.I’m currently building in a new AE role and focused on full-cycle execution: tight discovery, stakeholder alignment, clear next steps, and consistent progression from first meeting through proposal.Key wins and strengths25+ Sales Qualified Leads per month at symplrAverage of 8 outbound Marketing Qualified Leads per month in 2025 selling cybersecurity softwareTop 1% pipeline contributorTrained in MEDDIC, Challenger, and BANTCertified in AI for Business and Prompt EngineeringBuilt GPT-powered outbound workflows, objection handlers, and persona prompt librariesTools: HubSpot, Clay, Mailchimp, Zapier, Salesforce, Apollo.io, 6Sense, Outreach

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The Battle

Evan Patterson

Amy Yeargan ✨

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Evan Patterson's LinkedIn Performance

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