Evan Patterson 💅🏻

Hire Me & Win In The Attention Economy💥 I Help Founders & Startups Grow Audiences 🔥 Ghostwriting • Personal Branding • Social Selling • Community Marketing • Content Strategy • B2B Influencers • Affiliate Programs

👋🏻 You should really click the "...see more" button over there. 👉🏻

😉

I’m Evan Patterson.

Fractional CMO. Personal CMO.
LGBTQ+. AuDHD. Two cats who have main-character energy and paperwork opinions.
Metro Detroit-raised, Chicago-thriving, seeking a EU-husband for dual citizenship (kind of not joking...)

A small but vocal group of humans — plus my mother — call me the Joan Rivers of Marketing. I didn’t ask for that title, but I also didn’t give it back.

My work focuses on helping founders, CEOs, and operators stop sounding like they were assembled by committee. When people understand you quickly, everything gets easier: sales, hiring, partnerships, even that awkward moment when someone pretends they’ve heard of your company before.

My entire approach runs on feral specificity.
Egregiously unique. Audaciously effective.
Ideas with teeth. Narratives with posture. Writing that doesn’t need a spotlight to command attention.

I work in two lanes.

Evan Patterson Consulting
The Fractional CMO lane.

This is where companies finally get a marketing function that isn’t held together by vibes, hope, and a Google Doc last updated during the pandemic. I rebuild the structure, the sequencing, and the decisions that keep revenue steady instead of seasonal.

The second lane
The executive identity work.

Voice extraction. Narrative architecture. Brand presence that doesn’t wobble when the market does. There’s more coming in this lane; something I’m building quietly; and it’s shaping the way I help leaders show up with clarity and actual gravitational pull.

I build systems with staying power.
I build brands people remember without squinting.
I build marketing that earns attention because it deserves attention.

People who work well with me tend to appreciate speed, accuracy, and a sense of humor about the chaos they built before I arrived. People who want a polite museum tour of marketing usually exit early.

My goal is consistent: make you unmistakable.

Fractional Content & Community Marketing Leader

Ditch the gift cards, scrap the underutilized benefits package, and focus on the individuals in your organization instead.

Companies looking to improve performance and retention should care about helping people get further faster towards what matters most in their life. We make this easy with tools to create personalized incentives, meaningful recognition & self-defined benefits that help their people unlock "sacred funds" towards their personal life goals.

Employee Motivation Simplified.

Evan Patterson

Coaches And Dragons

I combine game frameworks and my beloved geek culture to spark personal growth and fulfillment. I help clients to challenge and break free from dysfunctional norms using innovative coaching techniques.

Key Responsibilities:
🐲 Craft and deliver unique coaching programs that blend TTRPG mechanics with personal development strategies.
🐲 Use game-inspired methods to boost client self-awareness and growth.
🐲 Develop engaging content that promotes a playful yet transformative approach to self-improvement.
🐲 Host workshops and webinars focusing on unconventional coaching methods and insights from geek culture.
🐲 Guide clients in embracing their unique identities and achieving meaningful growth.
🐲 Work closely with clients to set and reach impactful goals.

Founder & Head Gremlin Bounty Hunter

S&P Global Ratings

Overview: 
Led strategic operations, driving innovation and continuous improvement across business management functions.
Key Responsibilities:
🟡Coached and mentored Project Managers, fostering a culture of growth and excellence.
🟡Implemented processes to enhance team performance and project delivery.
🟡Developed and maintained methodologies for high-performing teams.
🟡Partnered with leadership to align business and technology strategies with project goals.

Director, Business Management - Strategic Operations

Overview: 
Directed strategic initiatives to optimize business operations and drive organizational growth.

Key Responsibilities:
🟡Championed innovative projects and initiatives to improve efficiency in processes and workflows.
🟡Coached teams on best practices and strategic planning.
🟡Collaborated with executives and cross-functional leaders to ensure successful implementation of initiatives.

Sr. Director, Strategic Initiatives

Led an awesome team of Project Managers to ensure the successful delivery of the Infrastructure Services & Operations project portfolio across S&P Global. 

🟡Coached Project Managers to enhance their skills and performance.
🟡Promoted continuous improvement within IT teams.
🟡Maintained effective communication with stakeholders about project status and team performance.

Director, IT Project Management

Overview: 
Managed IT project management team, focusing on reliability and efficiency.

Key Responsibilities:
🟡Coached and trained Project Managers in key competencies.
🟡Implemented continuous improvement practices.
🟡Managed project resource allocation and ensured optimal project timing.

Sr. Manager, IT Project Management

SNL Financial

Overview: 
Owned and managed PMO operational activities, driving project prioritization and process improvements.

Key Responsibilities:
🟡Partnered with business leaders to enhance project business cases.
🟡Created and maintained technology KPIs and reports.
🟡Supported workflow and project management systems.

Sr. Program Manager, PMO

Overview: 
Managed high-impact projects, focusing on team collaboration and process improvements.

Key Responsibilities:
🟡Led meetings to solve problems and share best practices.
🟡Improved time tracking and budget reporting processes.
🟡Initiated recognition programs for team achievements.

Senior Project Manager, IT Services

Silverchair

Overview: Developed and led the Business Analysis Department, driving process improvements and Agile excellence.
Key Responsibilities:
🟡Managed hiring, training, and coaching for the department.
🟡Facilitated continuous process improvements.
🟡Owned Agile practices and collaborated on special projects.

Manager, Business Analysis

Overview: 
Served as ScrumMaster and Business Analyst, leading implementation of various functionalities across platforms.

Key Responsibilities:
🟡Coordinated with cross-functional teams for successful project delivery.
🟡Provided analysis and documentation for multiple clients and projects.

Business Analyst & ScrumMaster

Genworth Financial

Overview: Coordinated business continuity and process improvement projects, providing detailed reports and analysis.
Key Responsibilities:
🟡Developed and analyzed complex reports.
🟡Mentored associates in creating procedures.
🟡Implemented a decision tree for accurate call routing.

Project Coordinator

Overview: Handled escalated calls, represented the team in key projects, and provided quality control.
Key Responsibilities:
🟡Analyzed reports to identify training needs.
🟡Resolved complex policy issues through research.
🟡Reviewed transactions for quality control.

Customer Service Coordinator

Overview: Fulfilled customer requests, trained co-workers, and updated procedures.
Key Responsibilities:
🟡Trained team members on standard procedures.
🟡Updated procedures to reflect system changes.

Customer Service Representative

InterContinental Hotels Group

Front Desk Clerk

Amazement Square

Marketing Intern

Co-Founder Coaches & Dragons 🐲 I make hard work super fun 🍭 Fart joke queen of LinkedIn💨 Ex-Corporate Apologist🤮

I’m not here to help you find your sparkle.
I’m here to hand you the bat.

You’ve been surviving broken systems by shrinking, performing, and playing by rules that never made sense. You’ve outgrown the mask, the script, and the damn gameboard... and now you’re wondering: what if you burned it all down and built something that actually fit?

Welcome to Coaches & Dragons.

I’m Autumn. Chaos strategist. Gremlin bounty hunter. Your inner rebel’s favorite coach.
I use game mechanics, rebellious truth-telling, and deep strategy to help bold, brilliant misfits like you (and me) break the rules and build lives that are wildly yours.


What I Do (and what I don’t):

🧱 Provide Structure (without the box)
I help you build systems that support your weird, not smother it. Frameworks. Rituals. Battle maps. Whatever keeps your fire focused without killing your spark.

🕵️‍♀️ Detective Work for the Soul-Crushed
We dig deep. Question everything. Find the story under the story. You reclaim what’s actually yours and torch the rest.

🔥 Rule-Breaking with a Strategy
This isn’t chaos for chaos’ sake. It’s maverick magic. We challenge the norms that never fit and build something more powerful in their place.

😈 Coaching That Makes You Snort-Laugh
My Chaotic Good Newsletter drops in weekly-ish with rebellion, reflection, and "oh damn, that was weirdly helpful."
Think game mechanics, hard truths, and fart jokes. (You're welcome.)


Why It Works:
Because this isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about helping you stop shrinking, start building, and stay powerful through it all.

You bring the rebellion.
I’ll bring the structure, the sharp questions, and the snacks.

💌 Start with the link in my bio. Poke around and see what sparks.

taplio

The Battle

Evan Patterson

Autumn Wade

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