Evan Patterson 💅🏻

Hire Me & Win In The Attention Economy💥 I Help Founders & Startups Grow Audiences 🔥 Ghostwriting • Personal Branding • Social Selling • Community Marketing • Content Strategy • B2B Influencers • Affiliate Programs

👋🏻 You should really click the "...see more" button over there. 👉🏻

😉

I’m Evan Patterson.

Fractional CMO. Personal CMO.
LGBTQ+. AuDHD. Two cats who have main-character energy and paperwork opinions.
Metro Detroit-raised, Chicago-thriving, seeking a EU-husband for dual citizenship (kind of not joking...)

A small but vocal group of humans — plus my mother — call me the Joan Rivers of Marketing. I didn’t ask for that title, but I also didn’t give it back.

My work focuses on helping founders, CEOs, and operators stop sounding like they were assembled by committee. When people understand you quickly, everything gets easier: sales, hiring, partnerships, even that awkward moment when someone pretends they’ve heard of your company before.

My entire approach runs on feral specificity.
Egregiously unique. Audaciously effective.
Ideas with teeth. Narratives with posture. Writing that doesn’t need a spotlight to command attention.

I work in two lanes.

Evan Patterson Consulting
The Fractional CMO lane.

This is where companies finally get a marketing function that isn’t held together by vibes, hope, and a Google Doc last updated during the pandemic. I rebuild the structure, the sequencing, and the decisions that keep revenue steady instead of seasonal.

The second lane
The executive identity work.

Voice extraction. Narrative architecture. Brand presence that doesn’t wobble when the market does. There’s more coming in this lane; something I’m building quietly; and it’s shaping the way I help leaders show up with clarity and actual gravitational pull.

I build systems with staying power.
I build brands people remember without squinting.
I build marketing that earns attention because it deserves attention.

People who work well with me tend to appreciate speed, accuracy, and a sense of humor about the chaos they built before I arrived. People who want a polite museum tour of marketing usually exit early.

My goal is consistent: make you unmistakable.

Fractional Content & Community Marketing Leader

Ditch the gift cards, scrap the underutilized benefits package, and focus on the individuals in your organization instead.

Companies looking to improve performance and retention should care about helping people get further faster towards what matters most in their life. We make this easy with tools to create personalized incentives, meaningful recognition & self-defined benefits that help their people unlock "sacred funds" towards their personal life goals.

Employee Motivation Simplified.

Evan Patterson

You wouldn't put your job title as your race because that would be racist. So why are you putting it as your "pronouns"?

Your pronouns aren't Web Performance Expert.

In a world where LGBTQ+ folks are literally murdered for existing, and pronouns are not just a part of gender identity expression, they're part of almost every single language that has ever existed, using that that field as advertising space is queerphobic and transphobic: full stop.

It's no different than if you put "Web Performance Expert" as your race: that would be racist.

Your pronouns have to actually be PRONOUNS.

Marketing for Fractional Execs & Founder-led Companies | Fractional CMO for Founder-led Startups | Personal CMO for the Self-Employed | “He’s the Joan Rivers of Marketing” - my ex boss

I can proofread a post 100 times, get great engagement, tons of leads, and then I found out I spelled "know" as "knwow" ...

.... I'm an expert. I promise.

Guess who spent 10 minutes looking for their headphones? And guess what has been on my head for the entirety of those 10 minutes?

I promise I’m good at what I am paid to do. 

P.S. I’m not paid to find my headphones.

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Founder-led companies and fractional executives know they need marketing, but don't have the time. HERE'S HOW THE TOP 1% of them fix this issue to make mega bucks:

They know they're hired to solve real problems like revenue, operations, strategy, and transformation.

It's not their job to stare at a blinking cursor wondering what your “content angle” is this week.

So marketing becomes conditional.

You post when you can, disappear when you’re busy, panic when pipeline dips, and reappear with urgency.

That faucet pattern trains the market to see you as intermittent even when your work is elite.

The problem is bandwidth.

If your delivery operates at a premium level but your marketing runs on leftover time, the market prices you at your clarity, not your competence.

The fix is not “try harder," it’s infrastructure.

Positioning that holds, messaging that stays stable, content that compounds, and most importantly: signal that keeps running while you’re deep in client work.

You need marketing that matches your level without draining your brain.

If you’re tired of rebuilding your signal every time you get busy, it's time you get yourself a Fractional or Personal CMO.

A lot of people call activity “strategy.”

Posting more.
Launching faster.
Adding channels.
Buying tools.

That’s not strategy. That’s motion.

Strategy is choosing what not to do.
What you will ignore.
What you will say no to even when it looks shiny.

Most teams don’t lack ideas.
They lack the discipline to choose one direction and live with it long enough for it to work.

“He’s the Joan Rivers of Marketing” - Someone Online ✨ Fractional CMO for Companies 😎 Personal CMO for the Ambitious🏆 Egregiously Unique, Audaciously Effective, Feral Specificity

Your brand should feel inevitable.

Not trendy.
Not clever.
Not loud.

Inevitable.

Like it couldn’t have been anything else.
Like it makes sense the moment someone encounters it.

That feeling doesn’t come from aesthetics.
It comes from alignment, restraint, and knowing exactly who you are building for.

Account Executive. Outdoor Enthusiast. Coffee Addict

Experienced Account Executive with a proven track record of success in E-Commerce sales, highly developed negotiation skills, and a passion for building lasting relationships with coworkers and clients.

I developed sales strategies that helped to close deals ranging from SMB to Enterprise-level while achieving a consistent top-performing status within my team. Conversational and strategic, I enjoy both the independent and team-related aspects of being an AE.

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The Battle

Evan Patterson

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taplio

The Battle

Evan Patterson

Sarah Schock

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Evan Patterson's LinkedIn Performance

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Performance ScoreEvan Patterson's LinkedIn Performance