Thunder

We're a tech-enabled investment bank for founders, by founders. We help companies navigate their capital strategy for acquiring funding to fuel their growth.

Founders: AI-assisted fundraising for companies. Join the network for free to see which investors are more likely to invest in you.

Investors: Access vetted deal flow and invest with no fees direct on cap table

Thunder X Capital, LLC offers securities through Stonehaven, LLC, a Member FINRA/ SIPC.

Managing Director & Founding Partner

Interplay

Operating Partner

PEF Community

Brining together the London PEF community

Chapter Lead

Hustle Fund

Angel Squad Member

Angel Investor & RE/VC/PE LP

Investor / Advisor 

Generation Esports

President & COO

Walmart Technology

Director Of Digital Media

LiquidSky Software, Inc. (Acquired)

Chief Revenue Officer

ConveyIQ by Entelo

VP of Marketing

Misc Small Businesses and Startups

Built, grew, and sold a few small businesses that are still actively running today.

Founder

I'm a serial entrepreneur that has raised $135M+ and has had multiple exits. I'm now on a mission to support founders with their capital strategy and acquire the capital they need to grow their businesses. 

Thunder.vc is a tech-enabled investment bank for founders, by founders.

When it comes to supporting the founders in our Thunder.vc community, here are some free resources that can help you with your capital raising efforts.

 - Fundraising Demystified newsletter - Sign up at http://join.thunder.vc
 - Free list of AI-recommended VCs specific to your business - https://web.thunder.vc/list-of-investors-vcs-for-founders 
 - Free tool to source lending partners for your working capital needs - https://lp.thunder.vc/apply-for-working-capital-for-your-startup-company
 - Private Slack community for founders - Apply to join at https://app.thunder.vc/signup

Jason Kirby

Founders think raising capital is hard.
Try selling your company while running it. ⚙️

If you’re a founder thinking about selling in 2026, here’s your M&A survival guide (from two people who’ve done it the hard way):

5 Steps to Sell Smart - Not Desperate:

1️⃣ Start early. Build relationships with strategics 12–18 months before you plan to sell. Seek partnerships, integrations, and POCs in the early days to build trust and rapport with them.

2️⃣ Know your numbers. Buyers don’t fund dreams; they fund predictability. After a few intro calls you'll know if you're ready or not with the numbers.

3️⃣ Run a process. Competitive tension is your best negotiation leverage. In today’s market, selling to a strategic is harder; that's why you need to prepare for a private equity buyer, it keeps strategics honest and makes them move faster.

4️⃣ Avoid the earnout trap. Structure cash up front. Earnouts sound great, but rarely workout. Maintain control over the KPIs of an earnout or drop the earnout all together.

5️⃣ Control your narrative. Don’t let your board, your VC, or your emotions run the process. If you're not 100% behind the narrative, it will fall apart.

Bonus6️⃣ Don't run a process without help. Selling your company is a full-time job, similar to fundraising, but even harder. As the CEO, you'll be expected to hit your targets. Having a banker or board member leading the process allows you to stay focus and drive momentum on both fronts.
  
If you want to explore M&A and want to pick someone's brain, comment below or send Oliver Low a DM! He leads M&A deals at Thunder.vc and sold his previous company, he knows what it's like to be in your shoes.

4x Exits, $100M+ Raised. Helping founders raise/exit with clarity, control, and conviction.

I just denied an applicant solely because they have a @hotmail email address. Does that make me a bad person?

I'm looking for tech forward partners who have a deep understanding of technology companies. 

If I was one of my clients and saw that the partner that's supposed to competently understand my business had a hotmail account... I'd immediately discount their abilities. That's my justification.

Is that a fair assessment? or am I just an a** hole

If you're a founder looking to hire a PR in the middle of a crisis, it's likely too late and the damage will get worse.

David Meadvin (CEO, One Strategy Group) breaks down why even the best crisis consultants can’t fix what founders don’t already have... trust.

If your reputation isn’t built before the storm hits, you’re in for a rough time.

💡 2 actionable truths from David’s experience:

1. Your reputation is earned long before crisis day. The founders who invest in team trust and transparent communication recover fastest.

2. The calmest person in the room wins. When everyone panics, composure becomes a superpower, and the board will remember it.

Founders: Don’t wait until you’re trending for the wrong reason.
Start building your “reputation reserve” now.

👇 Watch/listen to the full story:

Watch the full video here. Most founders think they’ll never face a real crisis, until they do. In this episode, David Meadvin shares what happens whe

Open article: The $100M founder’s playbook for surviving bad press by Jason Kirby • 2 min read

The $100M founder’s playbook for surviving bad press

I'm hiring a partner to join Thunder.vc... anyone else getting the AI slop applications like these?

Like they're not even trying to mask the AI. I've gotten like 10 of these identical applications via email. Their cover letters make them sound like a perfect fit, but the resume and the past jobs are WAY off, like not relevant at all. And they all say the same thing.

I hope these desperate people aren't paying for a service like this. I've already created a filter to block them.

For those of you hiring, how obvious has been the AI and what are you doing about it?

Spoke my mind on the AI bubble and where I think it's going and shared some personal deal dynamics I rarely mention publicly. Check it out on the The Mergers podcast

Jason Kirby sold his startup for $40M - but only after the CEO of Samsung Electronics went to prison and nearly blew up the deal.

Investors got greedy.

The new Samsung CEO shut everything down.

Jason's team showed up at 9am to celebrate… and there was nothing to announce.

Welcome to the world of venture capital — where founders are often left holding the bag.

This week on The Mergers, Kenneth Kashif Thomas and Rory Mason sat down with Jason Kirby, now founder of Thunder.vc, to hear the wild behind-the-scenes of what really happens when you raise, scale, and try to exit a venture-backed company.

Jason has:

- Raised $100M+, 
- Sold 4 companies
- Advised on $200M+ in founder exits
- Navigated M&A deals with Walmart, Samsung, Verizon... and lived to tell the tale
- Watched VCs ghost founders when they no longer show “breakout velocity”
- Built Thunder VC to help bootstrapped and “orphaned” founders find exits, growth capital, or both

In this episode:

🖊️ What most founders get dead wrong about term sheets, preferences, and secondary sales
🖊️ The dirty secret of management fees and why VCs often win even when startups lose
🖊️ How to create “phantom leverage” when you have no options left
🖊️ Why AI is a bubble — and why that might not matter

If you’re a founder, investor, or operator - you need to hear this

🎧 Listen here: https://lnkd.in/dDCNNsTr
 📺 Watch the full episode: https://lnkd.in/eNztGnxG

When Oliver Low sold his startup, he thought he’d hit the dream exit.

Instead, he walked straight into a trap most founders never see coming:

The earnout...

He hit his growth targets, but the parent company missed theirs — and the big payout disappeared.

Nine out of ten earnouts fail for this exact reason.

That’s why, at Thunder, we help founders structure exits, not just chase them.

Here’s the truth no one tells you:

Selling early isn’t losing. It’s creating optionality.

Once you have liquidity, you can take bigger swings, with less risk — and 10x your next outcome.

But you only get there if you understand deal architecture: competitive process, buyer psychology, and clean incentives.

Oliver Low breaks it down in this week’s episode:
 🎧 “How to Sell Your Startup: The Founder’s M&A Playbook”

💡 Tactical takeaways:
- How to avoid the 9/10 earnout failure rate
- Why selling in the fourth inning is often smarter than waiting
- How private equity is changing founder exits forever

Listen on: Youtube Spotify Apple Most founders wait too long to sell and end up losing leverage. In this episode, Jason Kirby and Oliver Low share the

Open article: The M&A playbook for founders in 2025 by Jason Kirby • 2 min read

He left venture capital to help take Life360 from Seed to a $7B public company. 

When Itamar Novick joined Life360, it wasn’t yet the household name it is today. The team was small. The product was early. The vision was big but uncertain. 

Like every early-stage company, there were challenges: 

💬 Raising VC capital was tough. 
💸 The company didn’t have much cash. 
🚀 The future was uncertain. 

But instead of staying in VC, Itamar made the rare move, he joined the founding team, betting his career & his networth on building something lasting. 

Years later, that decision helped shape Life360’s journey to 80M users, $200M+ raised, and a dual listing on the ASX and NASDAQ.

In our latest episode of $100M Exits, Itamar shares: 

🔥 Why he left venture to join a scrappy startup 
🔥 How Life360 scaled from early chaos to IPO readiness
🔥 What founders can learn from dual IPOs and post-IPO growth

Watch the full video here. When Itamar Novick joined Life360, it wasn’t yet a global brand — it was a small, ambitious startup still proving itself. T

Open article: The VC who quit to build a $7B company - Itamar Novick on Life360’s wild ride by Jason Kirby • 2 min read

The VC who quit to build a $7B company - Itamar Novick on Life360’s wild ride

The Art of Charm, Inc

We teach and train professionals around the globe science-based communication, leadership, and persuasion skills. You'll be able to leverage the expertise and experience of world-class coaches when it comes to sales, persuasion, and social engagement. Need to align your team and drive a unified front toward your vision? We've helped Fortune 500 CEOs with this. Need to amp up your sales game? Our team has developed proprietary sales frameworks to support just that. 

Whether you listen to our globally-recognized podcast, join our Network+ program, or come on-site for our Hollywood Bootcamp, you're joined by millions of men and women trying to accomplish the same things: increase leadership and persuasion skills, reduce social awkwardness, and optimize your ability to communicate.

Chief Executive Officer

Sirius XM Radio Inc.

Host, 'The Art of Charm presents: Game On' the only show completely devoted to helping you get (and keep) the girl. From 8-10pm EST on Sirius 108, XM 139.

On-Air Talent (Talkshow Host)

Build your social capital and influence ◼ Over 10,000 clients served in 17 years ◼ Co-Host and Founder, Art of Charm

🔥 Command Presence. Real Influence. No Fluff.

Already invested in coaching or leadership programs… but still feel like something’s missing?

You’ve got the credentials. The hard skills. Maybe even the title.

But if your career growth is slowing because your communication hasn’t caught up — you’re not alone.

Most professionals hit a ceiling when soft skills become the differentiator.

And that’s where I step in.

❌ The truth about most coaching:

Leadership courses? Too generic.

Corporate training? Too political.

Communication books and TED Talks? Great in theory, useless in high-stakes rooms.

You need targeted, practical coaching built around your professional world — not some academic framework.

✅ What You’ll Get Working With Me

10 hours. One-on-one. Personalized. Intensely practical.

We’ll work together to:

Decode high-stakes conversations and make your communication hit harder.

Amplify your influence in rooms filled with executives, engineers, investors, or stakeholders.

Build your “X-Factor” — a powerful personal presence that earns trust fast.

Unleash your Social Intelligence — command the room, influence anyone, and forge relationships.

You’ll never watch a video or sit through fluff. This is tactical training designed for results.

💥 Plus: Join the X-Factor Accelerator

An exclusive, implementation-based group for high performers. Inside:

Get real-time feedback from other driven professionals.

Practice frameworks in live drills.

Build executive presence and influence with accountability.

👊 My Credibility
19+ years in influence, leadership, and communication development.

10,000+ clients across tech, finance, military, and consulting.

Coached U.S. Military Special Forces & Intelligence Units.

Host of a podcast with 450M+ downloads featuring world-class scientists and performance experts.

For the Analytic Mind Turned Leader.
For the Founder Now Fundraising.
For the Operator Who Needs Buy-In Fast.

If you’ve already tried “the other stuff” and still aren’t getting the results — let’s fix it.

DM me.

Let's turn communication into your competitive advantage.

AJ Harbinger

Technical skills don't get you promoted.

Your emotional intelligence determines your career ceiling:

I coached Sam, a senior developer at Microsoft. Perfect code. Flawless technical reviews. Zero promotions in five years.

The diagnosis took minutes during our first session.

Sam solved problems through pure logic. He viewed workplace dynamics as inefficient distractions. He delivered criticism with surgical precision, regardless of how it landed.

His manager later told me: "Sam's brilliant, but meetings feel colder when he's in the room."

This pattern appears across thousands of technical professionals I've coached.

Your expertise hits a ceiling when your emotional intelligence fails to match it.

The research confirms this. TalentSmart analyzed over 33,000 professionals and found EQ predicted 58% of success in all job types.

Your technical skills get you hired. Your emotional intelligence gets you promoted.

Here's what separates the promoted from the perpetually overlooked:

• They read rooms before speaking
• They influence across departments without authority
• They navigate conflict without creating casualties
• They show appropriate emotion rather than rigid logic
• They build alliances before needing them

Sam focused on three EQ skills:

1. Relationship mapping: Identifying who influences decisions regardless of title

2. Empathetic disagreement: Challenging ideas without attacking people

3. Emotional visibility: Showing appropriate enthusiasm rather than constant neutrality

Four months later, he received his promotion with a $31K salary increase.

His manager's feedback: "Same technical skills, completely different impact."

Technical professionals who master emotional intelligence don't just get promoted.

They get chosen for opportunities others never know existed.

Stop developing what already works. Strengthen what's holding you back.

I became a father this year.

Everything changed.

Not in some profound movie moment way.

In the quiet, terrifying, beautiful way things change when you hold a life you made and realize you get one shot at this.

I recentered everything around family.

The clients who drain me? Gone.

The projects that sound good but feel wrong? No.

The opportunities that would impress people but steal time from my daughter? Not worth it.

I spent years saying yes because I thought I had to.

Building a business. Building a brand. Building what I thought success looked like.

Then I held her for the first time and understood what I was building toward.

We dialed in our core values as a family.

Not some corporate exercise with sticky notes.

Real conversations about what matters when she asks us in ten years why we made the choices we made.

Those values gave me permission to say no.

To clients. To colleagues. To people I respect.

Saying no used to feel like failure.

Now it feels like protection.

I am not the father I want to be yet.

Not even close.

I lose my patience. I check my phone when I should be present. I think about work when I should be thinking about her.

But I know the gap now.

I see the father I want to become.

The one who shows up. Who listens. Who chooses her over everything else that screams for attention.

That clarity is the gift.

Not perfection. Direction.

This year taught me that success is not what you build for other people to see.

Success is what you protect when no one is watching.

The time. The attention. The presence.

I am grateful for my daughter.

For my wife who chose me for this.

For the clarity that comes from knowing what you would give up everything else to keep.

That is what I am thankful for this year.

No alternative text description for this image

You're the person everyone goes to when they need something done right.

Competent. Reliable. Always available.

And you just got passed over for the promotion again.

"I need to be more visible. Speak up more in meetings."

So you volunteer for more projects. You make yourself even MORE available.

It doesn't work.

Here's what's happening.

You fell into The Availability Trap.

You're so good at your job that you've trained everyone to see you as the person who executes, not the person who leads.

When you're always available, you signal something you don't intend to signal:

Low demand.

One client came to me after being passed over twice for a director role. 

Top performer. Always available. Always solving problems.

We changed one behavior.

Next time someone asked for his time on something non-urgent:

"I'm locked in on the Q3 analysis until Thursday. Can we connect Friday morning?"

Three things happened:

He signaled he's working on something important enough to protect.

He made his attention scarce.

He created a future touchpoint on his terms.

Within six months, he was invited into strategy conversations he'd never been part of before. Within nine months, he got the promotion.

Nothing changed about his technical skills. Everything changed about how people valued his time.

Here's the principle:

Behavioral economics shows people assign higher value to scarce resources.

When you're always available, you signal low demand.

When you're strategically unavailable, people start wondering: 

"What is he working on that's more important than this?"

That question creates status.

The formula:

Protect your calendar. 

Make your time scarce. 

They value your attention. 

Perceived authority without saying a word.

High-value people don't chase opportunities. They create demand for their time.

This week, practice strategic withdrawal once.

When someone asks for something non-urgent, protect your focus and offer a specific alternative time.

Watch how the dynamic shifts.

Most people talk more when they want attention.

This is wrong.

I coached a founder who couldn't get investor meetings. She sent emails explaining her entire business: the problem, the solution, the revenue model, the traction.

People read them. They didn't respond.

We changed one thing.

Her new email said: "We solved the problem that killed your last portfolio company."

Then nothing else. No explanation. No deck attached.

Her inbox filled with replies within 48 hours.

The difference?

She understood the Curiosity Gap.

When you present complete information, you close the loop.

The brain has no reason to stay engaged.

When you create a gap between what people know and what they want to know, their brain chases the answer.

I tested this approach with three clients last quarter. All of them struggled to start conversations with senior executives.

We stopped explaining. We started creating tension.

One client changed from "We help companies reduce cloud costs by 40%" to "Your finance team is missing something before Q4."

Response rates went from 2% to 18% in 30 days.

Here's what the best communicators do differently:

They open loops instead of closing them:

"I learned something in Madrid that changed how I approach negotiations."

"There's a pattern I noticed in every failing team."

They let silence do the work:

After the statement, they pause.

They let the gap create tension.

They wait for the other person to lean in.

They reveal strategically:

The answer comes later. The conversation earns it.

Most people fill every gap with words. Their anxiety drives over-explanation.

People with presence use gaps like a tool.

They know tension creates attention.

They know curiosity creates pursuit.

They know withholding creates value.

Stop trying to explain everything in the first 30 seconds.

Start trying to create one question in their mind.

Your conversations will change.

Be honest—how many great ideas have you talked yourself out of this week?

Top performers aren’t successful because they have better ideas.

They’re successful because they act on the ideas they already have.

The longer you think about acting, the harder it becomes to act.

Here’s how to break that cycle:

1. 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
When an idea shows up, move on it right away—send the message, write the outline, start the draft. Action builds momentum before doubt shows up.

2. 𝐒𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬
You can’t hit a target you haven’t defined. Clarity creates direction, and direction gives you something to run toward.

3. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬
Big goals feel overwhelming. Small steps feel doable. One micro-action at a time creates consistency.

4. 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞
 Leaders aren’t built by motivation. They’re built by rhythm. Give action a place in your daily routine.

5. 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
If it steals your focus, it steals your progress. Remove the noise so your mind can stay on what matters.

6. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬
Urgency turns intention into action. A simple deadline can do more than hours of planning.

7. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞
Share your goals with someone who will actually check in. Accountability turns “I’ll try” into “I will.”

8. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞
Failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the process of success. Each misstep sharpens your approach.

9. 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬
Progress compounds when you acknowledge it. Small wins keep the momentum alive.

Act now.

Success isn’t waiting for a perfect plan—just your first step.

I never took a leadership course.

Here's how I built a 17-Year coaching career instead.

After coaching leaders at Google, Microsoft, and Meta, I discovered something counterintuitive:

The best leaders aren't trained. They're forged through failure.

When I started Art of Charm, I had zero formal leadership education.

No MBA.

No executive training.

Just a willingness to fail spectacularly in front of paying clients.

My first corporate workshop?

A disaster.

I tried to sound like every leadership guru I'd read.

Used buzzwords I didn't believe.

Delivered frameworks I'd never tested.

The feedback was brutal: "You sound like you're reading from a textbook."

That failure taught me what no course could:

Leadership isn't about knowing the right answers.

It's about asking the right questions.

So I changed everything.

Instead of teaching theory, I started sharing failures.

Instead of perfect frameworks, I offered messy experiments.

Instead of polished presentations, I had raw conversations.

The results shocked everyone, including me.

Here's what building a coaching career without formal training taught me:

• Real expertise comes from pattern recognition across thousands of interactions, not from case studies

• Vulnerability creates more influence than authority ever could

• The leaders who transform organizations are the ones who admit they're still figuring it out

• Your biggest failures become your most valuable teaching moments

Credentials impress HR. Results impress executives.

Today, after 17 years and over 11,000 clients served, I still don't have a leadership certification.

What I do have: A methodology built from real failures, real recoveries, and real transformations.

The executives who hire me don't care about my missing MBA.

They care that I've helped thousands of leaders navigate the exact challenges they're facing.

Your formal education gets you in the room.

Your battle scars keep you there.

Stop chasing credentials. Start collecting experiences.

The market rewards practitioners, not theorists.

Great advice is worthless if no one listens.

This one shift makes people actually care.

Someone mentions a problem.

You jump in with the solution.

Smart answer. Valuable insight.

And they completely ignore it.

My analytical clients do this most. They hear a problem and immediately offer the fix.

But here's what they miss:

People don't value advice they didn't work for.

I learned this watching how interrogators extract information. 

They never give answers first. They make you earn clarity through articulation.

Here's the psychology:

When someone works before receiving value, you trigger effort justification. Their brain decides: "I invested in this answer, so it must be worth hearing."

You just made your advice 10x more valuable without changing a word.

Over the last 17 years, I've taught this to executives who wondered why their teams ignored their guidance.

The problem wasn't the advice. It was the sequence.

Most people give solutions before establishing cost. Your brain devalues anything that comes free.

Understanding that changes how you mentor, coach, and lead.

The pattern I use:

Before offering advice, extract their constraint. Make them articulate what's not working. Let them reveal their gap.

Then deliver.

When you make someone work to frame their problem, three things happen:

They clarify their actual issue (not the surface symptom). They invest attention into the conversation. They value whatever comes next.

This applies everywhere. Client meetings. Team discussions. Networking conversations.

The advice that gets ignored? The advice that came too easy.

The advice that transforms people? The advice they had to work to receive.

Stop giving away your best insights for free.

Make people pay the attention tax first.

You're networking wrong.

Most people work the room all night. Shake every hand. Stay until the lights come on.

Then nobody remembers them.

High-value operators do this instead:

Show up.

Have 3 quality conversations.

Leave early.

You were there. 

But you didn't stay until the end collecting cards.

Next event, people notice when you arrive. 

They remember you left last time.

You created scarcity around your presence.

Your time became something to compete for.

Here's why this works:

When you're at every event until midnight, you become furniture. People stop tracking your movements. Your presence loses meaning.

Strategic absence makes people ask: Where did he go? What's he working on?

The formula:

Quality conversations over quantity contacts.

Early exit over marathon attendance.

Scarcity over availability.

Your presence becomes an event.

I've watched this pattern repeat. 

The executives who attend fewer events get more opportunities.

The founders who leave early get more follow-ups.

Availability kills intrigue.

Scarcity builds value.

Stop maximizing face time.

Start maximizing impact per appearance.

You light up when someone compliments your work.

That reaction costs you status.

Watch what happens: 

Someone says "Great presentation." 

You smile. 

"Thank you so much! I spent hours on the data analysis and refining the visuals..."

You told them you needed their approval.

I've noticed the opposite pattern in people with influence.

They do something I call validation immunity.

Same scenario. "Great presentation."

Response: "I appreciate that."

Neutral expression. 

No expansion.

Then they shift: "What questions do you have about the timeline?"

They moved forward because their internal assessment didn't change based on someone else's opinion.

Here's what's happening underneath:

When you expand on compliments, you signal their opinion determines your value.

When you receive neutrally and redirect, you signal you already know what you did. 

Their agreement is noted. Not needed.

The formula is simple.

Compliment received. 

"I appreciate that." Shift topic.

People with influence don't need your validation.

They validated themselves before you showed up.

Your biggest career wins can become your biggest life losses.

I've coached successful professionals for 17 years.

The pattern repeats.

Someone reaches Director level. VP. C-suite.

Launches the dream business.

Then realizes—no one to celebrate with.

Three months without investing in relationships. Six without new faces. Years without friends that mattered.

The circle closes. The world shrinks.

One client made Partner at 34. His wife left at 35. Not because of affairs. Not because of conflict.

But from choosing isolation for success.

Another built a $5M+ company by 40. Ate alone at the celebration dinner.
College friends stopped calling. Family kept distance. His network lived on LinkedIn.

He said, “I spent 15 years climbing. Nobody was there at the top.”

This isn’t rare. It’s the default for high performers.

You were rewarded for independence. Promoted for grinding harder.

The system taught you: success requires isolation.

And you got good at it. Isolation became comfort.

You normalize skipping friends.

You rationalize skipping the third place because work matters more.

One weekend becomes one month becomes three years without real talk.

The health research is brutal.

Loneliness has the same impact as smoking 20 cigarettes per day. More damaging than obesity or high blood pressure.

But you don't get to 20 cigarettes overnight. You start with one.

Then two.

Loneliness works the same way. One missed dinner. One skipped event. One "too busy" text.

The choices compound. The isolation becomes habit.

Then something breaks. A divorce. A job change. A friend gets married and chooses their family over your relationship.

That's when you notice. The social ties disappeared. The support system vanished.

The connection you postponed for "someday" never materialized.

I see this with my clients who relocated for promotions or launched startups. 

They prioritized external validation over internal fulfillment.

They built everything. They kept nothing.

The former Surgeon General called it an epidemic. Rising drug use. Mental health crises. Physical deterioration.

All traced back to the same root: we chose accomplishment over connection.

We collapsed our lives into one place. We focused on external outcomes to the detriment of our wellbeing.

Two questions will tell you if you're on this path:

When did you last invest time in building a friendship?

When did you last meet someone new outside work?

If your answer involves months or years, you're already isolated. You just haven't felt the consequences yet.

Your next promotion won't fix this. Your next revenue milestone won't solve it. Your next achievement will only make it worse.

Because the more you succeed using isolation as your strategy, the deeper you dig the hole.

Stop waiting for a major life event to force the change.

The price of external success should never be internal emptiness.

The body language cue that reveals more than words ever will.

Most people think reading body language means watching for crossed arms or eye contact.

Wrong.

FBI counterintelligence expert Joe Navarro taught me the one signal that trumps everything else.

It's called the freeze response.

Here's what it looks like:

You're delivering feedback. Negotiating. Sharing news that matters.

The person across from you suddenly goes still.

Their hands stop moving mid-gesture.

Breathing pauses.

They lock up for 2-3 seconds.

That's their limbic system taking over. You just hit something real.

Most people miss this completely because they're focused on what to say next. They keep talking, filling space, moving past the moment.

Wrong move.

The freeze is your oldest threat response. Older than fight or flight. When someone freezes, their primitive brain just overrode their conscious control.

Whatever you said landed deep.

FBI research confirms the freeze appears before any other defensive behavior. Catch it early and you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface.

Here's the play:

Deliver your point.

Spot the freeze.

Stay silent.

Let them sit in it.

They'll fill the space and reveal what actually matters.

Most professionals are terrified of silence. They rush to smooth things over, clarify, soften the blow.

That's exactly when you need to shut up and wait.

The truth emerges in those 5-10 seconds of discomfort. Not through interrogation. Through strategic silence.

You don't need to be an FBI agent to spot the freeze.

You just need to stop talking long enough to see it.

You’re one question away from being unforgettable.

Most conversations die because nobody shifts the depth.

You meet someone. Exchange pleasantries. Talk about work. Then nothing.

Here's what changes everything:

Listen for care signals.

When someone mentions what they're trying to do, don't respond with surface questions.

Ask about motivation instead.

They say: "I've been mentoring junior engineers."

Most people: "Oh, how's that going?"

You: "What made you want to do that?"

Watch them pause.

Then they tell you something real.

"Nobody did that for me. I don't want them to figure it out the hard way."

You just went from small talk to substance.

This is identity-level disclosure. You're asking WHO they are, not WHAT they do.

People remember the person who sees them.

The formula: Care signal → Motivation question → Let them go deep.

Try it this week.

You'll be the conversation they remember.

Most networking conversations die the moment they end.

You exchange cards. Promise to “stay in touch.”

Then nothing.

After coaching over 10,000 clients, I’ve learned the real problem:

You never created anything worth following up on.

Here’s what I mean:

When someone says “I’m building AI capabilities, but finding engineers who understand business is impossible” — most people respond with sympathy.

“That’s tough.”

“Yeah, hiring is brutal.”

Wrong move.

What just happened? They revealed their goal AND their constraint in one sentence.

Goal: AI capabilities.

Constraint: talent gap.

Now instead of offering to “pick your brain sometime,” do this:

“I know someone who just left a similar role. Want me to make an introduction?”

Three things just happened:

→ You proved you were listening

→ You demonstrated relevant relationships

→ You created a concrete reason to follow up

This is genuine reciprocity. Not manipulation. Just specific help that matters.

Harvard Negotiation Project research confirms it: micro-help builds trust faster than grand promises.

When you prove value within 48 hours, the relationship shifts.

They text you back.

They think of you when opportunities surface.

They actually want to stay connected.

The formula:

1. Spot their goal
2. Spot their constraint
3. Offer one specific action within two days

Not “let me think about it.”

One introduction. One article. One suggestion they can use tomorrow.

Most people leave events with cards and no next steps.

You can leave with three people who remember exactly how you helped them.

That’s the difference between collecting contacts and building relationships.

You've been climbing the wrong pyramid your entire career.

Maslow's hierarchy promised that if you checked the boxes (basic needs, safety, belonging, esteem) you'd reach self-actualization and feel complete.

The National Institutes of Health calls this "one of the most pernicious ideas in the social sciences."

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans from Stanford explain exactly why on this week's podcast.

Listen to this.

You contain more aliveness than one lifetime permits you to live.

If there's more potential inside you than you could possibly express in 80 years, and fulfillment requires living all of it, then you're chasing something mathematically impossible.

You were designed to feel incomplete.

Bill and Dave call this the "achieving brain." The mode most people operate in 99.7% of the time. Always optimizing. Always asking what else do I need to do?

Meanwhile, you miss the meaning that's already here.

Bill stopped on his way to class last week. A bush covered in blue flowers, blooming in late fall when it shouldn't. He took a picture. Tucked a flower in his notebook.

That was a meaning-making moment. Not because it was profound. Because he noticed.

Dave calls this the difference between the "transactional world" and the "flow world." Same reality, different lens. One keeps you stuck performing. The other lets you experience your life.

The shift that changes everything: Got to versus get to.

Bill used to drag himself to staff meetings he created. "I gotta go to this meeting."

Then he flipped it: "I get to work with some of the smartest people in the world trying to make the planet better."

Same meeting. Different experience.

Where you look is where you go.

Motorcycle riders know this. Stare at the ditch and you drive right into it.

Same with your career, your relationships, your entire life.

Stop climbing the pyramid.

Start noticing what's already here.

Most people think AI will kill conversation skills.

They're dead wrong.

A CEO I work with shocked me with what he now looks for in candidates:

"I don't hire based on resumes anymore. I hire based on how people handle conversation."

This matches what we've seen coaching technical professionals across Fortune 500 companies.

As AI handles more technical work, your conversation skills become your most valuable career asset.

Most professionals focus on the wrong thing. They worry AI will replace human connection when it's doing the opposite.

AI isn't eliminating conversation. It's elevating it.

Here's what happens when you understand this shift:

• AI handles data analysis while you build relationships

• Technical tasks get automated while interpersonal skills become premium

• Your ability to connect becomes your competitive advantage

A client came to me last month - brilliant software engineer, terrible at workplace communication.

We developed a framework for him to leverage AI tools to prepare for critical conversations. Instead of spending hours researching talking points, AI helped him identify connection opportunities in seconds.

Result? He navigated a promotion discussion with unprecedented confidence.

Three months later: 22% salary increase.

The professionals who thrive in the AI era understand a fundamental truth:

Technology doesn't replace human connection. It amplifies it.

Your competitive edge isn't technical expertise alone. It's how you convert that expertise into meaningful conversation.

The machines aren't coming for your job. They're coming for the parts of your job that prevent you from doing what humans do best - connect.

Stop fighting against AI. Start using it to supercharge your conversation skills.

The professionals who master this combination won't just survive.

They'll dominate.

Why do some leaders get loyalty while others get excuses?

It comes down to one thing: authority versus influence.

Authority comes from your position.
Influence comes from connection.

Authority can demand action.
Influence inspires commitment.

This difference explains why:

• Some managers get bare minimum effort, while others get discretionary energy
• Some parents get compliance while others get genuine cooperation
• Some salespeople get reluctant purchases while others get enthusiastic referrals

True influence isn’t about techniques or tactics. It’s built on a foundation of genuine connection.

And the counterintuitive key to that connection? Appropriate vulnerability.

Not oversharing. Not manufactured weakness.

But sharing your human experience authentically—enough to create bridges, not walls.

I’ve seen executives transform their leadership simply by explaining the thought process behind decisions instead of just announcing outcomes.

I’ve watched professionals strengthen client relationships by acknowledging the limits of their expertise rather than pretending to know everything.

The most influential people understand this: genuine vulnerability doesn’t diminish your impact—it amplifies it.

Because influence doesn’t come from appearing perfect.
It comes from being human in a way that allows others to connect with you authentically.

The question isn’t whether you have authority—it’s whether you’re creating the kind of connection that builds lasting influence.

What kind of connection are you creating today?

Ever feel guilty for your own success? 

That’s not an accident.

Someone took a shot at you recently.

A coworker saying "must be nice" when you mentioned your vacation.

A friend going "wow, you've changed" when you talked about something you're excited about.

And before you realized what happened, you were explaining yourself.

Justifying. Defending.

I used to do this constantly. Someone would throw a dig my way and I'd go into "let me prove I'm not the bad guy" mode.

It took me years to figure out what was happening.

They weren't attacking me. They were trying to pull me into their frame.

When someone goes low. When they get passive-aggressive or dismissive or condescending. They're setting a trap.

If you defend yourself, you're playing on their court. They're steering the interaction. And somehow you feel like the one who did something wrong.

The most influential people I've studied do something different.

Instead of defending or attacking back, they name what's happening.

"Sounds like my schedule is frustrating for you."
"Seems like this project landing bothered you."
"Feels like you're worried I'm pulling away."

Then they ask what the other person needs.

This short-circuits the emotional trap. You're not defending. You're leading.

After coaching over 10,000 clients on communication, I've watched this pattern play out hundreds of times.

Most people spend their lives bouncing between justifying and attacking back.

Both are low-value responses.

The third path is defining the moment instead of reacting to it.

Stop letting other people set the terms of your conversations.

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Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Jason Kirby's LinkedIn Performance

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