The Practice Lab

Founder

College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario

Registered Psychotherapist

Coaches Training Institute (CTI)

Certified Professional Co-Active Coach

Kara Hardin Mental Health Consulting

Principal

Relate Counseling Center

Mental Health Practitioner

Goodmans LLP

Associate

Donner Civic Leadership Research Fellow in Public Law

Research Fellow with League for Human Rights

Burnet, Duckworth & Palmer LLP

Summer Research Student

I am a mental health educator and clinician, who works at the intersection of mental health and performance. I specialize in the complicated ways that mental health drives performance and how it shows up at work. I am a former practicing corporate and securities lawyer and hold a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of St. Thomas (Minnesota) and a Juris Doctor from the University of Toronto, Faculty of Law. My core values are learning and kindness.

Kara Hardin

Helping high performers make sense of work | Founder of The Practice Lab | Psychotherapist & Speaker

There's a big difference between experiencing stress and experiencing something traumatic.


Let's walk through it (using Dr. Aimie Apigian's brilliant framework):

When there's an event - something happens - the body responds with a startle (gathering evidence, paying closer attention, increasing vigilance).

Next, if it determines the threat requires a response, it will mobilize and be ready to fight or flee. This is an increase in energy.

Where we have the resources, internal or external, to meet the demand (or threat), we are experiencing stress. In essence, when we feel like we have power (internally or externally), the experience is stressful (but not traumatic).

When there is no response or resource to help us, when we do not have access to help, and are powerless, that is when an event shifts from merely stressful to traumatic. 

From that experience of powerlessness, our body responds by freezing or shutting down entirely. 

Whether the experience of trauma injures our nervous system (reorganizing how we perceive and process the world) depends on how we experience that powerlessness and on the lasting effects it has on our lives.

Reading Dr. Apigian's work has made me really sit with the idea of safety and power. In many ways, the experience of trauma isn't about what happened. It's about what didn't happen: the resources, the help, the power to respond (or at least repair).

When I was starting my business, the worst advice I got was the thing that people told me the most. 

"Say yes to everything, you never know where it'll lead."

The challenge is that saying yes implies:
(1) Scarcity of opportunity
(2) All opportunities are equally valuable
(3) I have unlimited resources to give (time, attention, energy)
(4) Being busy is better than not

7 years in, the advice I give people is very different from the advice I received.

"Figure out the thing that you are weirdly obsessed with, that thing that you want to think about and invest your energy in that no one else seems to care about. Identify what makes you feel alive. Say yes to opportunities that grow that aliveness in you, say no to the rest."

What bad advice have you gotten in your career, and what do you tell people who ask you now instead?

In a world where 65% of young men feel like "no one really knows them at all," where boys are taught emotional repression and dominance as means to secure stability and status, Evan Shuster is the leader we need. 

He doesn't need me to be small so he can be important; in fact, it's the opposite. Thanks for seeing me, for sharing my behind-the-scenes quiet efforts with the community in such a loving way, and for betting on me (and us) every chance you get.

General Manager / Chief Growth Officer - The Practice Lab. World’s Biggest Candy Cane Ice Cream Fan

As the snow falls in Toronto, Kara is in Long Beach delivering her last talk of an extremely athletic 2025.

Her last of 70+ keynotes across the continent.

Stops in Vancouver, Los Angeles, Savannah, New York, Washington, Toronto and everywhere in between.

Between the trips - waking up before the family to write. To read. To practice her craft.

The school drop-offs she prioritized - and the ones she missed, in service of others.

Amidst a year of immeasurable grief - a lost father. A family pet. Goodbyes that came far too soon.

I am in awe of what she has accomplished this year.

More importantly, I'm in awe of how she shows up for everyone that matters in her life.

On little sleep - she wakes up and makes the school lunches.

She takes the phone call from a friend who's having a hard day.

She lives her life unapologetically as herself - a model to me, to our kids and to our community.

I often get questions, out of curiosity, of what it is like to run a business with my partner and best friend.

The business part of it is fun, but having a front row seat to the growth of the person you believe the most in, is my life's greatest joy and honour.

So as we close the chapter on an athletic 2025 - I cannot wait to welcome my best friend home and celebrate what has been one of her most remarkable years yet, and look forward to the impact she'll have in 2026.

My life wouldn't be possible without Kara, and I hope that her presence in the life of others makes their lives richer as well.

The average person can label three emotions: happy, sad, and angry.



If you are looking to feel more stable in these uncertain times, increase your emotional fluency. Accurately naming your inner experience of the world helps in it of itself. If that wasn't enough, it also provides a clue about what you need.

It’s not surprising to me, that this ping happened while I was pouring myself into my annual holiday cards… my thank yous.

I am grateful for the time I spend with you, in meetings, emails, messages, and in person.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share my stories and experiences with you.

I’m grateful for your investment in my growth.

I am grateful for this community, that lifts and amplifies my work - and makes amazing things beyond my wildest dreams happen.

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15 years ago, at this exact time of year, I began articling in Vancouver. Yesterday, I returned to Vancouver and connected with a group of articling students as the CEO of my own company.

I love a full circle moment.

I also love striving. 

From lawyer, to therapist, to CEO, my career has changed as I have changed. I've never sought permission or received the perfect opportunity on a silver platter. I've never felt really prepared or ready. 

I've just followed my aliveness with each next choice, consistently over time. Small changes became big changes.

And so it is, that I find myself at 5:00 am in a hotel room overlooking False Creek and Science World, giddy to have seeded another professional dimension for myself...

I cannot believe we've been at this together for over 4 years now. How lucky am I?

It's been a little over 4 years since Kara Hardin and I filed the paperwork to incorporate our (her) business.

What started as a sole proprietorship, Kara working early mornings, evenings and weekends in 2018 has bloomed into a business we have run together for 4+ years now.

Kara aptly calls it our third baby - in both the time and energy we devote to it, but also in how we structure the business as a part of our family, rather than structuring our family around our business.

Kara is an entrepreneur.

I still get imposter syndrome referring to myself as one.

In these four years, we've served over 100 clients across law, CPG, technology, higher education, government, manufacturing, financial services, accounting, aerospace, construction, consulting, entertainment and non-profit sectors.

We've worked with leadership teams, new hires, mid-level professionals, managers, HR teams and summer students.

But perhaps the most meaningful journey for us, has been constantly thinking about how we structure work to be in service of our broader family goals and values.

When do we decide that enough work is enough?

How do we work in a way that models our values to our children?

How can our business, and our flexibility as entrepreneurs, serve our community?

To me, that has been the most rewarding part about entrepreneurship. Having the privilege, space and perspective to think about the role that work should play in how we want to live our lives.

I find that when we come back to that, the work product is better. Our clients are happier. Our family feels more grounded and balanced.

So much of entrepreneurial culture speaks to hustle - and Kara works her tail off - but to me the real power of entrepreneurship comes in defining your enough, and feeling fulfilled when you've reached it.

It's that time of year when we push ourselves really hard to clear the decks before the new year...

... to get all the things done to make time over the holidays as perfect as possible

... to work hard now to start fresh later

... and to close all the loops everywhere from all the things that have happened this year.

Let's be very honest with one another: The decks will never be clear. 

There is no perfect routine that allows you to do everything, for everyone perfectly (and therefore be valuable forever, amen). 

Since there is always more to do, think, review, consider, try, and practice when you are alive, at the NALP Winter Canadian Meeting yesterday, I explored how our strongest coping mechanisms (preparation, powering through and hard work) can be especially harmful during this time of year. 

Instead of racing to the finish line over these next few weeks, consider carving out the time to do the things you actually want and feel in your bones that you need to do. 

Do the things that make you feel alive. 

Leave for the new year, some of the things, that don't. 

Remember, you are a human who works. Not a worker who, at short intervals and only after exhausting yourself, gets to be human.

[HUGE thank you to the entire NALP organizing committee, and specifically to Rob De Toni and Natasha Bhimji for getting me prepared and set for the opening remarks!]

Here's what I wish every client new this time of year:

Self improvement is only half of the equation. Devastating, I know.

We make our goals:

- exercise
- eat to nourish
- meditate 

… and on and on, every year.

We don't stick with them. The reason? 

In every resolution is a belief you hold... about your worthiness, satisfaction and value. If you are trying to change from a place of shame, as opposed to love, you are destined to fail.

We need self improvement, we also need self-acceptance. It's complicated, adult, and so worthy of your consideration this time of year.

Before you make any resolutions, before you audit yourself, bring your core beliefs clearly into focus. See if the place you might start is actually with them, with building a more accurate and loving view of yourself... and then check in on  what you aspire to create next.

Recently I came up short. 

It was an opportunity I was so excited to knock out of the park.

I didn't. Lots happened that was out of my control. Lots also happened, that was in my control. Either way, the result was not what I had hoped or planned for.

While the details are particular to me, the experience of coming up short (of making a mistake, of missing a moment, of regret, disappointment, of desperately wanting a rewind and redo) is likely familiar to you. 

I unpack the step-by-step for letting go and learning (using a high achiever's developmental lens) in this week's newsletter.  Link in the comments to make sure it lands in your inbox!

What ways have you used to learn and let go after messing up? Excited to learn with and from you...

Three words can unlock the pain of shoulds, oughts, regrets, and overwhelm.


“Part of me”

Part of me is ambitious and wants to strive hard at everything, all the time.

Part of me is exhausted.

Part of me is grateful.

Part of me is grieving also, Piper. (I’m so sorry to hear you’re on the same journey!)

We get so caught up trying to find the single path that makes it all work. The reality is, it all often doesn’t work. 

The work is to know that, and go gently. To satisfy certain parts of yourself deliberately, and to soothe the parts that you can’t. The work, is to be gentle. To be human. Thanks for being a leader here Piper.

Assistant Director, Career & Professional Development Office, UCalgary Law | Founder at Ontario Bar Exam Coach

“How are you really?”

I first heard Kara Hardin ask this question at the NALP Annual Education Conference in 2024, and now I regularly incorporate this question into my conversations with students.

But when Kara asked this question today at the NALP Canadian Winter Meeting, I wasn’t ready. In fact, I almost started to cry. And honestly, I almost started to cry at multiple points throughout Kara’s presentation. 

I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, dealing with multiple layers of grief, and just generally feeling a little out of sorts. 

All year I’ve felt “behind” in nearly every sense of the world. I’ve saved multiple Instagram posts, Tik Toks, and articles which have assured me if I just follow the "simple" steps laid out in the post, I’ll surely be on top of everything, and thriving and excelling in every area of my life. 

And today, Kara called this out. 

She reminded us that high performers tell themselves, “if I implement the right routine, then things will be much easier” – when in reality, we know this isn’t true. Because a “right” routine doesn’t exist. 

I’m so grateful for leaders like Kara who remind us that it is important to not only be authentic, but to also honour and respect the complexities of our full selves. 

I had planned to spend much of December evaluating my year and dissecting all the ways I’ve “failed” – because truthfully, I feel like I'm failing and flailing a large amount of the time. But now, after Kara’s presentation, I hope to self evaluate by giving less air-time to my inner critic and instead, by assessing the parts of myself I need to better soften and soothe. 

I am so grateful to the NALP Canadian Winter Meeting committee for starting our day on a high with Kara’s talk, and to Kara for all the goodness she puts into the world. 

Be kind to yourself.

Instead of clearing the decks (putting the focus on efficiency, optimization, cranking through all the things) this December, consider what Oliver Burkeman suggests: 

Develop the ability to tolerate the distress of open loops, incomplete tasks, and ongoing (or never-happening) matters. 

It's not easy to leave things undone. It's a different kind of pain than the burn that comes with trying to please, clear decks, and push. 

The reward for developing this new (and potentially foreign skill) is that the life you lead reflects you: your preferences, ambitions, context, limits, talents, gifts, triumphs and failures. It's that you get to be alive. You invest in what's meaningful... to you.  

However you navigate this saturated time of year... be gentle on yourself (and with each other)

There’s a wide spread idea that safety is required for healing.

The reality is, for far too many people, the world is not a safe place. 

What does that mean for their health? For therapeutic and collective care? If we cannot create safety, what then?

I’ve wrestled with these ideas for a while now, and have it on good authority that Dr. Laura Brown can help me sort it out…

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Here are the hidden beliefs I see extremely high achievers struggle with in therapy.


These beliefs form as some of our earliest protections against the most profound threats people faced growing up: being unlovable, unworthy, and ultimately alone in a world where we were dependent on others to survive.  They serve to keep you small, easy, responsible, and “good.”

The challenge is as adults, we have access to resources we never had as children. What we needed to believe then, is incredibly  destructive to believe now.

The work is not to banish the belief, but to be able to see and hold complexity. Here are some examples of more nuanced reframes of those beliefs:

1. I am responsible for this part. I am not in control or responsible for anyone else’s reactions, responses, choices or behaviours.

2. I don’t love or even like my choices. No options represents my preference. I am choosing in essence to satisfy this part of me that believes this.

3. I need help and sometimes it’s important to ask for it.

4. Some people like me a lot, even love me, I’m not for everyone though. (If possible and true, I like me!)

5. I am accountable for this peice, this one was out of my control, and here I wonder if patriarchy was involved :)

6. My body functions and I am grateful for that, and neutral about it.

“When we feel like our authentic efforts aren’t working, we’re tempted to become someone else.” • Farah Harris, MA, LCPC 

I think this also partly explains why AI posts are so annoying and suck so much - it’s all the same. It’s boring. It’s shallow. It’s formulaic. And it’s devoid of the gifts that create true wealth in our society.

Open article: The Inauthenticity Tax: What It Costs to Fit the Algorithm by • Farah Harris, MA, LCPC • 7 min read

The Inauthenticity Tax: What It Costs to Fit the Algorithm

What does it really mean when someone says, "I don't feel safe" in the context of an interpersonal interaction?

I struggle a lot, even as a therapist, with the idea of safety. Call me an existentialist (my heart will flutter and I will blush): we do not control the world in which we live, and therefore, to be alive is to be vulnerable. The world is not safe simply because we will it to be so, or because we delude ourselves into thinking we control what is beyond us.

So, what does it mean to be safe? Chuck Benincasa (drawing on the work of Laura Brown) articulates that safety comes from having access, internally or externally, to resources that help us meet demands. That's it. If what is inside or around you is sufficient (or exceeds) what you need to face down what is happening, then you are safe.

While identifiable, it is somewhat subjective: how you perceive your resources impacts how you access them. 

Even with that in mind, safety can be distilled into a clear equation: 
Safety = Resources ≥ Demand. 

It is not a felt sense or loose idea that exists in the ether. It's not woo-woo or touchy-feely either. It's the difference between knowing we can handle something and being in danger because we cannot.

If you end each day feeling like you’ve got nothing left to give, the answer might be to remember how to give of yourself - differently.

Excellence, greatness, and satisfaction in a chaotic world • Author of many books • Faculty University of Michigan • Host of the pod “excellence, actually” • Follow me for big ideas and concrete tools

One of the biggest problems of modern life: 

Severe alienation—from ourselves, from pursuits that make us feel alive, and from each other. We’re bombarded with cheap substitutes to fill the void, from incessant porn to around-the-clock gambling. But all it does is create a life-sucking black hole.

There is only one way out: 

Facing the friction and discomfort of the real world, putting yourself out there, and reclaiming your humanity.

taplio