Non-wanky SEO and SEO Content. They say you can't know Technical SEO AND copywriting - I can. And do.

You're probably only here to see what type of person uses the word 'wanky' in a business profile, and that's OK.

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I help B2B business owners get found on Google with non-wanky SEO. Because there's a lot of wanky SEO advice out there. I explain it in proper English, I don't promise miracles, and I won't try to sell you a course on optimising for traffic sources that account for less than 1% of your visitors.

If you're fed up with SEO advice that makes your brain hurt, I've spent 30 years learning what works and what's complete bollocks. While everyone else is losing their minds over AI search or "GEO" , I'm over here focusing on the stuff that brings in actual traffic and actual enquiries..

WHAT I OFFER:

♦️On-page and technical SEO for businesses that need to show up in Google searches that matter. From £750

♦️SEO copywriting for websites and blogs. The kind that brings in leads, not just people who click away after three seconds. From £450

♦️The Non-Wanky SEO Course (£750, payment schedules available) if you want to learn this stuff properly without someone talking at you like you're five.

♦️The Non-Wanky On-Page SEO Toolkit (£200, payment schedules available) for the quick wins you can sort out yourself.

♦️The SEO Fucking What? Newsletter - weekly -  and Podcast, where I spend 15 minutes a week ranting about whatever's currently annoying me in the SEO world (and telling you what to do instead). Free.

WHAT I WON'T DO:

♦️Promise you'll be ranking number one by next Tuesday.

♦️Charge you hundreds for tactics I could explain in ten minutes.

♦️Talk in jargon when normal words exist.

♦️Take your money if I don't think I can help.

My mornings start with SE Ranking and Google Search Console, because guessing is for people who like wasting money, and data is where the insights come from.

I've been doing this since before SEO was even called SEO, and I can tell you what drives traffic versus what gets sold in flashy courses that cost £3000.

Whether you need someone to sort out your SEO, want to learn it yourself, or just need to know why Google's ignoring your website, drop me a message.

Fair warning: if you don't need my help, I'll tell you that too.

Nikki Pilkington

Website Owner: "We made the URLs more SEO friendly."

Me: "How?"

Website Owner: "Changed them from stuff like /page123 to proper words. /services, /about-us, that kind of thing."

Me: "Good idea. Where do the old URLs redirect to?"

Website Owner: "What do you mean?"

Me: "If someone clicks an old link, or Google tries to crawl the old URLs, where do they go?"

Website Owner: "They'd go to the old page."

Me: "The old page doesn't exist anymore. You changed the URLs."

Website Owner: "..."

Me: "So they go nowhere?"

Website Owner: "I suppose."

Me: "Every backlink you've ever earned. Every page Google had indexed. Every link from your social posts. All pointing to pages that don't exist."

Website Owner: "But the new URLs are better."

Me: "..."

#SEOFuckUps2026

non-wanky SEO. Yes, non-wanky. Yes, I know - it’s OK if I’m not for you. Thanks.

Me: "What happened to your website?"

Website Owner: "My nephew made some updates."

Me: "What kind of updates?"

Website Owner: "He knows about websites. Does it at college."

Me: "What did he change?"

Website Owner: "Just tidied a few things up."

Me: "Your H1s are gone. Your meta titles all say 'Home.' Half your pages are returning 404s. And your site's running on a theme from 2014."

Website Owner: "He said it looked better."

Me: "You've lost 60% of your traffic."

Website Owner: "He only charged us fifty quid."

Me: "..."


#SEOFuckUps2026

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

...

RIGHT?

#LinkedInFuckups2026

Website Owner: "We deleted our case studies."

Me: "Why?"

Website Owner: "They were a few years old. Made us look outdated."

Me: "How many?"

Website Owner: "Twelve of them."

Me: "Were they ranking for anything?"

Website Owner: "I don't know. Maybe?"

Me: "Did you check before you deleted them?"

Website Owner: "..."

Me: "Did you redirect them to anything?"

Website Owner: "No, they're just gone."

Me: "So twelve pages of real project examples, with client names, locations, and industry terms that Google loved..."

Website Owner: "Gone."

Me: "Because the dates looked old."

Website Owner: "We were going to write new ones."

Me: "When?"

Website Owner: "..."

#SEOFuckUps2026

Some people really don't like women, do they?

Someone (who shall remain un-named unless he wants to out himself) put one of my LinkedIn posts into an AI system and asked it if it was written by AI or human. 

Obviously (thankfully!) it said it was human. 

I tried it myself - put the same post he mentioned into ChatGPT to see what it said. 

It said the things that made my post human were:

1) Consistently strong voice and personality
2) Messy, uneven rhythm
3) Specific, unglamorous metaphors
4) Genuine motive mixed with mild self-sabotage*
5) Tone consistency with personality, not “brand voice”

My un-named "checker of posts to see if they're AI but not in a bad way" then tried to get AI to use the things it had said made my post human to write him a similar (he used the word copy, I'm being nice) post - and it couldn't. In his words, "it was bad".

And honestly, I should probably be annoyed by the fact he even bothered checking in the first place, and should definitely be annoyed by him trying to use my post to get one of his own, but I just find the whole thing kind of amusing. 

Because if AI can't copy me, and people feel the need to try to copy me, then I guess I'm doing something right, right?



*Genuine Motive Mixed With Mild Self-Sabotage is going to be the title of my autobiography one day.

I can't tag the person involved as he has blocked me, and even naming him made LinkedIn remove the post as harassment, so, you wonderful people will have to comment or DM me to find out who it is.

Please DON'T tell any one that the person I am speaking about is an idiotic plagiarist who copied every word of at least 2 of my posts (I mean who leaves the hashtag that only I'm using in the post FFS?).

Oh, and also, DON'T think that him pouting and blocking me because I refused his connection request is a bit childish.

Oh, and then writing a post about me, thinking no-one would send it to me - DON'T automatically assume that he's a bit of a twit. (I do see the irony, yes.) 

Oh, and as I don't use AI to write my LinkedIn posts, DON'T assume that him claiming that he got the exact same words because we both used AI is a lie, because it must be possible for that to happen (it's not).

Oh, and DON'T think anyone is a coward for deleting his plagiarised posts, especially not him.

(Finally, and I'm serious here - FEEL FREE to think I am stupid in so very many ways, but please DON'T ever, ever call me a fucking guru.)

#LinkedInFuckups2026
#SEOFuckups2026
#StupidSEOGurus

P.S. Probably best NOT to repost this, or click the hashtags above to find out who it is.

Did you make your whole site password protected "just while we made a few updates"?

For six weeks?

Google tried to crawl your site. Got a login page. Assumed your site was gone. Dropped your pages from the index.

The updates look great though.

#SEOFuckUps2026

Did you add pop-ups to every page to "capture more leads" and now your site takes 12 seconds to load?

Google stopped waiting after 3 seconds. So did your visitors.

But hey, at least that newsletter sign-up box nobody wanted is working great.

#SEOFuckUps2026

Google chaos (again zzz), pages that earn nothing but still matter, and the GEO rant that made a few people uncomfortable.

Hey hey! Google's been having another wobbly week. Rankings jumping around, visibility shifting, the usual chaos that happens more often than not thes

Open article: Google wobbles, zero-traffic pages, and why I'm disappointed in SEOs by Nikki Pilkington • 3 min read

Google wobbles, zero-traffic pages, and why I'm disappointed in SEOs

"You know what Google needs? To be a different colour. Not better documentation for website owners. Not AI results in GSC, oh no, not those useful things.  Colour options, that's what we want."

said no-one ever...

Open article: Google Search - Add Splash Of Color by f.mtr.cool

Jenny Lucas Copywriting

I started Jenny Lucas Copywriting in 2011, as a sideline, taking a few small projects to build up my portfolio. 

My business is so much more than that now.

Over time the business has grown, acquiring a steady flow of regular clients. Finally, in August 2017, I decided to become self-employed on a full-time basis.

I now specialise in clearly written copy that inspires, engages, informs and persuades.

I’m a flexible and versatile copywriter who can write effectively and confidently on a wide range of subjects. 

For more information, please see my profile summary, and my website below:
https://www.jennylucascopywriting.co.uk

Senior SEO Copywriter and SEO Content Strategist

Kodiak Industrial

Conceptual copywriter working on highly creative posters and visual communications for the workplace.

🔹 Concept development 
🔸 Creative copywriting
🔹 Topic research
🔹 Image research
🔸 Website design and management 
🔹 SEO copywriting 
🔸 Blog content writing
🔹 Social media management.

Managing Editor

Catering Partnership Limited

In-house design and marketing services for a contract catering company.

🔹 Graphic design
🔸 Marketing ideas/themes
🔹 Website design
🔸 Press release writing
🔹 Handbook creation
🔸 Newsletter creation.

Marketing Designer

Ulverscroft Large Print Books

Marketing support for a publisher of large print and audio books.

🔹 Brochure creation
🔸 Brochure management 
🔹 Synopsis writing/editing

Marketing Assistant

What’s with the pencil?

It’s for safety. 

When I’m working on a project, my brain turns into a Catherine Wheel: fizzing, popping and shooting out sparks of brilliance.

The pencil helps me catch them and write them down, so they don’t set fire to the curtains.

🔹🔸🔹

If you like original thinking, embrace your differences and appreciate what it means to be human, you’ve come to the right place.

By as soon as next year, it’s estimated that 90% of online content will be written by AI. 

Imagine that: an internet filled with soulless, sterile, faux-human garbage.

Wanna be part of the other 10% — the human 10%?

You should.

Because, in a crowded marketplace, being different is so much smarter than being better. 

And, in a space full of the same old noise, making a different sound will capture more attention than just being louder.

🔹🔸🔹

So, what can I offer you?

•  SEO copywriting for websites
•  SEO content/strategy for blogs
•  Copy editing for businesses
•  Creative and conceptual copywriting. 

🔹🔸🔹

Who do I work with?

Brands that want to celebrate their differences and value authentic, human-written words. 

Agencies that want to partner with a creative writer who can conceptualise, who’s used to writing for designers and who writes high-performing SEO copy and content.

Web designers who want to partner with an experienced SEO copywriter so they can offer their clients a more complete website service. 

🔹🔸🔹 

What specialist skills do I have?

25+ years’ professional writing experience, gained in a variety of roles.

20+ years’ design experience, writing for composition, layout and website wireframes.

15+ years’ SEO copywriting expertise, writing websites and blog articles that rank well on Google.

12+ years’ as a conceptual copywriter, developing fully formed creative concepts for projects and campaigns.

🔹🔸🔹

Who am I?

I’m a results-driven problem solver. Imaginative, analytical and relentless.

I live and work on a farm in the Leicestershire countryside with an evil genius, an eager digger, and a clown. AKA my farmer fiancé and two little terrors — sorry, terriers. I’ll let you decide which one’s which.

I’m a fan of dark humour, Irvine Welsh, hip-hop and dance music.

And I love an ice-cold negroni — punchy and bitter, like me* 

*Just kidding!

🔹🔸🔹

Want to discuss a project? My DMs are open.

Want prices first? They’re on my website. There’s a link at the top of my profile. 

Like Stella Artois, you’ll find I’m reassuringly expensive.

Jenny Lucas

My latest five-star client review has already made my year and it’s only January.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Jenny is so much more than just a copywriter.

“She took the care and patience to fully understand our specialised business needs, then crafted copy that perfectly captures what we do and how we help our clients. She also provided a clear structural outline for the developer, so the build got off to a flying start.

“Planning a new website can be daunting, especially for a specialised service starting from scratch. Jenny made the entire process straightforward and stress-free.

“We're delighted with the result and can't recommend her highly enough!”

🔹🔸🔹

If you’re thinking of refreshing your website this year and would like some help with the planning and SEO copywriting, you could be my next delighted client.

To find out more, visit my website or shoot me a DM and tell me what you’re looking for.

#WebsiteCopywriting #SEOCopywriting #WebsiteRefresh

SEO website copywriter | SEO content strategist | Conceptual copywriter | Copy editor | Results-driven business communications and ideas galore.

This might seem weird, coming from me.

But it’s for an article I’m working on and I’d really appreciate your help.

So, here goes...

Foot embarrassment is a real thing and it stops people from seeing a podiatrist and getting the foot care they need.

To help people feel easier about showing their feet, I want to use some real stories to show that foot conditions are normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. And I have some questions for you.

🔹🔸🔹

If you’ve ever put off going to the podiatrist because you felt embarrassed to show your feet...

What finally convinced you to make the appointment?

What was your experience with the podiatrist — had they seen your issue before?

What would you say to anyone who’s feeling too embarrassed to see a podiatrist?

🔹🔸🔹

You can reply below or send me a DM. All responses will be anonymised.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to respond. I really appreciate it 😊

#FootHealth #FootEmbarrassment #Podiatry

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The Battle

Nikki Pilkington

Jenny Lucas

Followers

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Engagements

Likes

Performance ScoreNikki Pilkington's LinkedIn Performance

Performance ScoreJenny Lucas's LinkedIn Performance

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taplio

The Battle

Nikki Pilkington

Jenny Lucas

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Nikki Pilkington's LinkedIn Performance

Performance ScoreJenny Lucas's LinkedIn Performance

Ready to grow your LinkedIn presence?

Performance ScoreNikki Pilkington's LinkedIn Performance