Nir Eyal

Hey, I’m Nir.

I've devoted my career to studying the intersection of business, behavior, and the brain. 

I’m the bestselling author of Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products and Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. 

My next book BEYOND BELIEF (coming March 2026; available for pre-order) explores the science behind how we form, hold, and change our beliefs.

For most of my career, I worked in the video gaming and advertising industries, where I saw firsthand how powerful psychology can be in shaping behavior. Sometimes for good, sometimes not. That tension is what drives my writing today.

Through my books, keynotes, newsletter, and consulting, I help:

-Companies build habit-forming products that improve lives
-Professionals and teams reclaim focus in an age of endless distraction
-Ambitious individuals understand the invisible forces shaping their thoughts, actions, and beliefs

I’ve taught behavioral design at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design. I’ve sold two technology companies since 2003. My writing has been featured in The New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Time, and Psychology Today.

If you want to break through limits to achieve extraordinary results:

👉 Join 150K+ smart readers at NirAndFar.com

Author "Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life"

You sit down at your desk to work on an important project, but a notification on your phone interrupts your morning. Later, as you’re about to get back to work, a colleague taps you on the shoulder to chat. At home, screens get in the way of quality time with your family. Another day goes by, and once again, your most important personal and professional goals are put on hold.

What would be possible if you followed through on your best intentions? What could you accomplish if you could stay focused and overcome distractions? What if you had the power to become “indistractable?”

International bestselling author, former Stanford lecturer, and behavioral design expert, Nir Eyal, wrote Silicon Valley’s handbook for making technology habit-forming. Five years after publishing Hooked, Eyal reveals distraction’s Achilles’ heel in his groundbreaking new book.

In Indistractable, Eyal reveals the hidden psychology driving us to distraction. He describes why solving the problem is not as simple as swearing off our devices: Abstinence is impractical and often makes us want more.

Eyal lays bare the secret of finally doing what you say you will do with a four-step, research-backed model. Indistractable reveals the key to getting the best out of technology, without letting it get the best of us.

Inside, Eyal overturns conventional wisdom and reveals:

-Why distraction at work is a symptom of a dysfunctional company culture—and how to fix it
-What really drives human behavior and why “time management is pain management”
-Why your relationships (and your sex life) depend on you becoming indistractable
-How to raise indistractable children in an increasingly distracting world

Empowering and optimistic, Indistractable provides practical, novel techniques to control your time and attention—helping you live the life you really want.

Optimism isn't something you're born with. 
It's a trainable skill.
Here's how: 

The Best Possible Self exercise takes 10 minutes. 
It's been tested in dozens of studies. 
Swipe to learn how it works. 

Try it today. 
Set a timer. 
Write about your best possible future in three areas: personal, relational, professional.
Your future self will thank you. 
(And statistically, you'll have more time with that future self.)

📚 Source: https://lnkd.in/eaaXY5en

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My new book BEYOND BELIEF is available for pre-order 📚 | Former Stanford lecturer helping you make sense of the science | Bestselling author of Hooked & Indistractable (​>1M sold)

The best self exercise

1,200 times. That's how many times the average knowledge worker switches between tasks and apps each day. 

(According to Harvard Business Review)

And every single switch costs you.

UC Irvine research shows it takes 23 minutes to fully regain focus after an interruption. 

And that's not counting the actual time spent on the distraction. That's just your brain trying to remember where you left off.

Do the math: A few "quick" interruptions per hour, and suddenly you've lost half your day just trying to refocus.

We confuse motion with traction. Busyness with effectiveness. 

Opening tabs feels productive. Responding to urgent but not important emails feels productive. 

But, often, it’s just distraction in disguise.

In the age of information and AI, focus is the real competitive advantage. 

Not who knows the most. But who knows what to ignore.

The future belongs to those who can think clearly in a noisy, distracted world.

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📖 References: 

HBR study: https://lnkd.in/em7PRGMR 

UC Irvine study: https://lnkd.in/ea7cJ82w

Harsh truth: Your need for control is making you less effective. 
Here's what I mean: 

I used to obsess over things outside my control. 
Other people's reactions.
Unpredictable outcomes. 
Things that already happened.
It was exhausting.

Then I learned about LOCUS OF CONTROL - a concept from psychology that changed how I manage stress.

Here's the idea:

Your peace of mind doesn't come from controlling everything around you.
It comes from mastering what's 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 in your control:
• Your attention
• Your reactions
• Your effort
• Your beliefs

Research shows that people with an INTERNAL LOCUS OF CONTROL (those who focus on what they can influence) experience lower stress, higher resilience, and better performance.

Here's how to apply it:

Next time you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself:

"What's in my control right now?"

Then do ONE small thing:
• Close a distracting tab
• Take three deep breaths
• Write down your next step

You'll notice your nervous system calms down almost immediately.

P.S. I dive deeper into how shifting your locus of control unlocks agency and resilience in my new book Beyond Belief. If this resonates, you'll find the full framework there. 

To pre-order the book, visit https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

Favorite question lately:
What would feel like a “miracle” if I let myself notice it today?

Einstein once said there are two ways to live your life:
as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is.

What I love about this idea is how quietly it challenges the way we move through the world.
Most of us don’t lose our sense of wonder intentionally.
It just gets crowded out. By routine, stress, repetition, familiarity.

But the opposite is also possible.
You can look at the same day, the same task, the same moment, and choose to see it differently.
To remember that many of the things you take for granted today were once things you hoped you’d have.

The more you notice, the more there is to notice.
The more you appreciate, the more there is to appreciate.

So, my question for you today: 

What would feel like a miracle if you let yourself slow down long enough to notice?

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I love Emerson's story.  
At 30, he walked away from the life everyone expected of him and chose the one he actually wanted.

Most of us never have the courage to do that. 

In the early 1830s, Emerson was a young Unitarian minister in Boston.

It was a respected role, one his family had held for generations, and it offered him a clear, stable path for the future.

But privately, he was unravelling.

His wife had died after a long illness, and her loss forced him to confront a truth he had been avoiding: 

The rituals he was performing no longer matched what he believed. 

The ceremony of Communion, in particular, felt empty to him: an act people repeated without truly feeling connected to it.

That growing misalignment eventually pushed him to do something almost unthinkable for a man in his position: he resigned from the ministry, with no concrete plan for what came next.

After stepping away, he traveled to Europe.

He wandered. He read. He met thinkers like Coleridge, Wordsworth, and Carlyle.

And slowly, through that meandering path, he began forming the ideas that would define his life’s work: ideas about self-reliance, intuition, non-conformity, and the courage to trust your own mind.

None of that would have happened if he had stayed where he was “supposed” to stay.

To me, this is a story about those quiet moments when you realize the path you’re on no longer feels like the right one for you.

Most of us feel that moment at some point. But few of us act on it. Emerson did. And that’s how he became Emerson.

What part of your life no longer feels like yours to keep following?

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I have some exciting news: 
My new book BEYOND BELIEF is available for pre-order!

I've spent the past five years writing it, and honestly, it's the book that changed my life the most.

It started with a question I couldn't shake: 

How can two people have the same goal and yet get completely different results?

I kept thinking the answer was discipline. Or intelligence. Or even just dumb luck. 

But the more I dug into the research, the more everything pointed back to something invisible.

BELIEF…

And I don't mean the "manifest your dreams" kind of belief. Or the "just hustle harder" kind, either. I mean belief as an actual, practical tool. Something you can build, test, and update based on what actually works.

Through my research, I learned that belief have the power to change three things: 
→ What you see (attention)
→ What you feel (anticipation) 
→ What you do (agency) 

This means that if you change your beliefs, and you literally change what opportunities you see, how your body responds to stress, and whether you keep going or give up.

The science behind this is wild. 

I found stories of people who had surgery without anesthesia using only their minds. 

Entrepreneurs who built empires by training themselves to spot possibilities others walked right past. 

And research showing how the beliefs you hold about aging can predict how long you'll live better than your cholesterol levels.

I can't wait to share it with you.

You can pre-order the book here: https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

Beyond Belief Announcement Nov

Two people can look at the same moment and see completely different worlds.
Here's why: 

Well, quite simply because of what they BELIEVE. 

As this quote perfectly captures, our beliefs don’t just sit in the background. 
They filter everything.

When I’m convinced something won’t work:
Every challenge feels final.
Setback feels personal.
Every obstacle becomes a reason to quit. 

But when I believe there’s a way forward: 
Problems look solvable.
Setbacks feel temporary.
The same situation opens in a completely different way. 

So... what are you choosing to believe and see today?

📚 If you’re curious about how beliefs shape what we notice, what we attempt, and who we become, my new book BEYOND BELIEF explores this in depth.

To pre-order, visit: https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

Most people don’t fail from lack of talent.
They fail because of limiting beliefs.

Beliefs feel like facts. 
But often they’re just lies your brain repeats to keep you “safe.”

The result:  
You play small. 
You procrastinate. 
Or you quit too soon.

And research backs this up:
→ When you believe you can’t, performance drops (the dark side of self-fulfilling prophecies).
→ People with strong 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘤𝘺 (belief in their own ability) persevere longer, bounce back faster, and choose challenge over comfort.
→ Even short self-affirmation practices can lower cortisol and improve outcomes under stress.

Here’s how to start rewiring limiting beliefs today 👇
 1️⃣ Spot the belief holding you back.
 2️⃣ Reframe it into a growth statement.
 3️⃣ Repeat until your brain treats it as default.

Every breakthrough starts with one belief challenged.

Swipe to learn about the 7 common limiting beliefs and what to replace them with. 

👉 Which of these limiting beliefs have you caught yourself saying?

📚If this resonated with you, check out my upcoming book BEYOND BELIEF which is now available for pre-order!

Visit: https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

7 common limiting beliefs

Procrastinating ≠ Laziness 
Most people delay important work for reasons they don't even realize. 

Most advice tells you to "just start" or "manage your time better."

But that misses what's actually happening in your brain. Years of procrastination research show that deeper psychological factors are lurking behind. 

Swipe to learn about the 3 hidden reasons high-performers procrastinate and hold themselves back. 

Which reason hit closest to home for you?

P.S. In my upcoming book Beyond Belief, I dedicate an entire section to reclaiming your agency and breaking free from the "someday" trap. 

If you're tired of waiting for the perfect moment, the book gives you the frameworks to take action. 

📚 To pre-order, visit https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

3 reasons why you procrastinate

The fear of boredom is costing you more than you think.
Here's why: 

We've trained ourselves to immediately reach for distraction the moment there's a gap in our day. 
Waiting in line? Phone. 
Commuting? Podcast. 
Eating alone? Scroll.

But here's what we forget: 
Your brain does its best work when you're not actively working.

When you're folding laundry, staring out a window, or standing in line at the grocery store. 
That's when your mind makes unexpected connections. 
When it solves the problem you've been stuck on all week. 
When the idea you've been chasing finally clicks.

So, try this: The next time you're tempted to fill a boring moment, resist. 
Sit with the discomfort. 
Let your mind do what it does naturally when given the space.

You might be surprised what shows up.

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Why you should practice being bored

"Someday" might be the most dangerous word in the English language.
Here's why: 

It sounds like hope. But it's actually avoidance.

Your brain loves "someday" because it gives you the psychological comfort of intending to do something without the discomfort of actually doing it.

You get to feel like a person who values growth (without risking failure).

Ask yourself: 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺?

Not someday. Today.
Not the whole business plan. One conversation with a potential customer. 
Not the entire book. One paragraph. 
Not the perfect health routine. One pushup.

What's your "someday"?

P.S. In my upcoming book Beyond Belief, I dedicate an entire section to reclaiming your agency and breaking free from the "someday" trap. 

If you're tired of waiting for the perfect moment, the book gives you the frameworks to take action. 

To pre-order, visit https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

20 sentences to say when the voice in your head shouts, “I can’t.” 

Which sentence speaks to you most?

My upcoming book, Beyond Belief, is all about the science-backed way to break through limiting beliefs and achieve extraordinary results. 

To pre-order and unlock exclusive gifts, visit: https://lnkd.in/eQYUV9Bb

This idea changed my life: 
Cosmic Insignificance Therapy 
Here's the idea: 

Zoom out to see your life in cosmic perspective.

Realize that the universe doesn’t really care about you. 

And that might be the best news you’ve heard today.

Swipe to learn more!

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Cosmic insignificance therapy

If you're struggling to identify your strengths, here are 5 questions to fix that:

(1) What doesn't feel like work to you? (What feels effortless to you but difficult to others often reveals your deepest strengths.)

(2) What energizes you? Look at your calendar from the past 2 weeks. For each meeting, task, and project, did it energize you or drain you?

(3) What could you imagine working on for 5+ years, even without seeing much success? Where would you persist through setbacks?

(4) Ask 3 people: "When do I seem most energized and in my element? What do you see me doing when I'm at my best?"

(5)  What unusual combinations of skills do I have? (It's easier to become world-class at the intersection of 2-3 unusual skills than to become the best at any single skill.)

Answering these 5 questions is important because research on career planning reveals we're often blind to our own strengths. 

What we're good at feels easy and natural, while our weaknesses create headaches that demand attention. So negativity bias keeps us focused on where we fall short. 

We also compare ourselves incorrectly, measuring against experts with 10,000+ hours instead of comparing our rate of improvement to others with similar experience.

And we limit ourselves prematurely, ruling out entire paths based on current abilities rather than asking: "Which strengths are worth building?"

What are your answers to these 5 questions? 
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Strengths identification

Here's how it all happened:
(and how it's going)
Thanks for being here!

Hello! 

“I’m too old.” “I’m not creative.”
We all have beliefs like these. The top 1% just deal with them differently:

Some beliefs work FOR you (liberating beliefs): 
→ Adding motivation
→ Helping you spot opportunities
→ Building resilience when things get hard

Other beliefs make YOU work for THEM (limiting beliefs): 
→ Draining your energy, 
→ Creating Sunday night dread about Monday morning
→ Making you say "I can't" when you actually can

We all have limiting beliefs. 

But top performers know how to treat beliefs like tools they deliberate choose, not truths they’re stuck with. 

This means they’re able to transform limiting beliefs into liberating ones. 

And that process starts with asking a simple question which I came across when researching my new book Beyond Belief: 

"Is this belief serving me, or am I serving it?"

What belief are you serving that's no longer serving you?

If this resonated with you, check out my upcoming book Beyond Belief which is now available for pre-order! 

Visit: https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

One of the most damaging things: calling yourself "lazy"/“distracted"/unfocused”.

“Identity Behavior Theory” shows that our behaviors and outcomes are heavily influenced by the identities we adopt. 

Example: research published in top journals shows that people were significantly more likely to vote when asked, “Are you a voter?” rather than “Will you vote?”

A subtle shift from verb (VOTE) to noun (VOTER) changed real-world behavior.

This is why one of the most damaging things you can do is label yourself as “lazy,” “distracted,” or “unfocused.” 

Identity becomes destiny.

Choose labels that empower rather than limit you.

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My new book BEYOND BELIEF is available for pre-order! 
Here's why I wrote it ⬇️

I’m super excited for you all to read it! 

You can pre-order the book here: https://lnkd.in/e98xbRmT

High performers hire me when they feel stuck, scattered, or disconnected from their vision | R³ Method Creator | Author | Speaker | Coach | Trusted by Google, Amazon and Verizon

Most high performers aren't stuck because they lack talent, time, or knowledge.

They're stuck because they're at an inflection point and want to make sure they choose the right path.

Maybe you're considering a major career move. Starting a business. Navigating a transition. Or you just know something needs to change but aren't sure what or how.

You're successful, but something feels misaligned. You want to make sure your next move matches who you've become, not who you used to be.

I get it because I've been there.

After getting fired from Facebook and losing my son TJ, I had to rebuild everything systematically. Not from motivation or inspiration, but from getting crystal clear on my identity, vision, and daily systems.

That process became The R³ Method™ - a systematic approach to navigating transitions with clarity and confidence.

Since then, I've keynoted for Amazon, Google, and EY. Appeared on Good Morning America. Built a business while raising five kids and coaching my daughter's flag football team.

The difference? I learned to start with who I am, then build from there.

How I Help:

‣ The R³ Performance Operating System
For high performers at inflection points who want to navigate change strategically. We focus on your specific challenge and build a systematic plan around your authentic identity, clear vision, and sustainable practices.

‣ Entrepreneurial Clarity & Execution
Help entrepreneurs cut through the noise and get clear on who they actually are beneath the performance. Then we design plans, routines, and systems that align with your real identity; so you're building a business that fits your life, not forcing your life to fit your business.

‣ "Anti-Fragile: How Resilient Leaders Turn Crisis Into Innovation Advantage"
Help your teams navigate disruption by building systems that get stronger under pressure. Practical frameworks for turning challenges into competitive advantages.

‣ Strategic Brand Partnerships
Creating content that builds trust and drives results through authentic collaboration.

Trusted by: Amazon | Google | EY | Verizon | Berkshire Hathaway | Fiverr

Ready to navigate your transition systematically?

📩 terry@terryrice.co

Terry Rice

When I worked at Facebook, there were posters everywhere that said "ruthless prioritization."
Thought it was about projects. Turns out, it's about people too.

As you grow, your circle shrinks. Not because you're becoming cold, but because your standards are evolving. And not everyone rises with you.

Last week my college buddy left me a voice note. Went to hit play, then... didn't. Just went back to my workout. Didn't need another "remember when" story while I'm trying to build what's next.

Yeah, I felt guilty. You will too.

But maintaining connections that no longer serve you is harder than cutting them. It's death by a thousand coffee dates. Time you'll never get back.

Growth filters your circle naturally.

The hard truth? Quality beats quantity every time.

You don't need a bigger network. You need a better one.

Ask yourself:
• Does this person challenge me to grow or keep me comfortable?
• Do I feel energized or drained after time with them?
• Are they building something or just reminiscing?

It's about surrounding yourself with people whose standards match yours. The ones doing the work. Who call you out instead of enabling your excuses.

Binary decision: You're either letting growth filter your circle, or you're drowning in relationships that expired years ago.

Who in your circle is actively helping you become who you're working to be? Shout them out below.

Keynote Speaker & Author | Corporate Workshops on Leadership & Transformation | Coaching & Brand Partnerships | Google, SXSW, Berkshire | Verizon, Fiverr, Stan

Toyota has a problem-solving method that will change how you see your life.

It's called The 5 Whys.

When something goes wrong at Toyota, they ask 'Why?' five times to find the root cause.

Example:
Problem: Car won't start
Why₁: Battery's dead
Why₂: Alternator failed
Why₃: Belt broke
Why₄: Beyond its service life
Why₅: Maintenance schedule wasn't followed

Root cause: Maintenance standard.

Most people stop at Why₁. They blame the symptom. Not the standard.

You're tired all the time. Why? Not enough sleep.

But keep going:
Why₂: Late nights scrolling
Why₃: Can't unwind after work
Why₄: Too much stress during the day
Why₅: No boundaries with clients

Root cause: Low Value Standard.

Know what's crazy? I used to think my exhaustion was about time management. Bought every productivity app. Read every book.

But when I did the 5 Whys on my own life, it always came back to standards.

Tired because I said yes to every call.
Stressed because I tolerated disrespect.
Broke because I undervalued my work.

The symptoms were screaming. But I was treating the wrong disease.

Your challenges aren't random symptoms, they're signs of standards you never established.

The 5 Whys reveals exactly which standard needs fixing.

Binary decision: You're either digging to the root cause, or you're stuck treating symptoms forever.

What problem in your life needs the 5 Whys treatment?
___

Every Thursday, I send high performers systems, strategies, and thought starters for improving how you work and live while maintaining a healthy lifestyle—all based on what you actually want (no filler, no motivational quotes). 

Join free: https://bit.ly/4pVRkdh

My 10-year-old daughter has higher standards for her business than I did at 37.

Today's her birthday. When she was born, I was 6 months sober. My dad was dying of cancer. And I had no idea how to run a business despite the MBA.

Charging $40/hour for Facebook ads work because that's what desperate looks like.

Had a newborn to feed. Bills stacking up. No idea where the next check was coming from. So when the gurus said "charge your worth," I wanted to punch them.

What worth? I'd been broken down so far I didn't even know what that meant anymore.

Then I saw another consultant's rate sheet. Same work I was doing. Facebook ads management.

$300/hour.

Seven times what I was charging.

Know what the difference was? Not skill. I'd actually worked at Facebook. Not experience. We had the same years in the game.

Standards. That's it.

They had standards. I had survival mode.

So I changed mine. Not because I suddenly felt worthy. Because I realized worth isn't a feeling. It's a decision.

3 standards that changed everything:

• Raised my rates past "average." 
Average wasn't my goal anymore. If you're competing on average, you're already losing.

• Killed the cold calls. 
Desperation was below my new standards. Started speaking on stages instead. Any stage that would have me. Authority beats desperation every time.

• Fixed the math. 
At $40/hour, I'd need 30-hour days to support my family. But working out keeps me sober. Can't work out if I'm working every waking hour. So the rates had to support both my family AND my sobriety.

The standards you accept today become your family's reality for the next decade.

Your standards determine your price.
Your price determines your life.
Your life determines your legacy.

That baby girl who was born while I was charging $40/hour? She just turned 10. Watches me run a real business now. Sees what standards look like in action.

Know what she does now? Sells blind bags to her friends at school. Other kids charge $2. She charges $5. Her friends complain about the price. She doesn't budge.

"That's what they cost," she says. Matter of fact. No apologies.

She'll never know what $40/hour desperation feels like. Because I changed my standards before she was old enough to inherit them.

Standards are hereditary. But only if you have them first.

Binary decision: You're either operating from standards or operating from desperation.

What "survival mode" habit are you still carrying that should have expired years ago?

___

Every Thursday, I send high performers systems, strategies, and thought starters for improving how you work and live while maintaining a healthy lifestyle—all based on what you actually want (no filler, no motivational quotes). 

Join free: https://bit.ly/4pVRkdh

One decision can add 14 years to your life.
Not a pill. Not a procedure. Five simple standards.

Researchers tracked thousands of people for decades. Those who maintained five basic health standards lived up to 14 years longer than those who maintained none.

The five that matter:
• Healthy diet (you know what this means)
• 30 minutes daily exercise (walking counts)
• Healthy weight (not perfect, just healthy)
• No smoking (obvious but critical)
• Moderate alcohol (or none)

Basic stuff. 

You don't have to flip 500-pound tires like me. 
Don't have to eat raw vegan with your left hand. 
Just maintain simple standards.

Every Sunday at 5pm, I start my weekly fast. End it Monday at 5pm, right before picking up my kids from school. That way I'm not hangry when I see them.

Not recommending you do this. It's just one of my standards and I like what it teaches me about myself. 

But you know what's crazy? We obsess over lifespan but ignore healthspan.

What good is living to 90 if you can't play with your grandkids at 70? Can't walk without pain at 75? Can't remember their names at 80?

The difference between dying at 75 versus 89? Standards you establish today.

The difference between being active at 80 versus bedridden? Same standards.

Your body keeps score of every shortcut. Every excuse. Every "I'll start Monday."

But it also rewards every walk. Every good meal. Every drink you skip.

3 ways to add years without being perfect:

• Pick one standard and lock it in for 30 days. Just one. Master it before adding another.

• Make it stupidly simple. 20-minute walk. One less drink. Stairs instead of elevator.

• Track the streak, not the result. 30 days of walking matters more than pounds lost.

Standards aren't about discipline. They're about deciding who you want to be when you're 80.

Binary decision: You're either building standards that add years to your life, or you're accepting whatever decline shows up.

What one health standard could you lock in for the next 30 days?

📖Source: Harvard University, Nurses' Health Study and Health Professionals Follow-up Study (34 years of data)

Half of business development is just reminding people you exist.
You don't even have to ask for anything.

If they have an opportunity you might be a good fit for, they'll think of you. If not now, next time.

That's it. That's the secret.

Here's how I do it:

• Create content (like this post) - 5 times a week minimum

• DM 2-3 people weekly when they share something great - not to pitch, just to say "this was good"

• Reply to newsletters with a quick "hey, loved this one" - takes 30 seconds

• Send useful tools their way - that Chrome extension, that AI prompt, that framework they'd actually use

Notice what's missing?

I'm not asking for anything. I'm just showing up. Reminding them I exist.

This is my Connection Standard.

And it works.

Recently I've been casually reaching out to people I haven't talked to in months. No agenda. Just checking in.

The responses?

"Actually, I have something you might be a good fit for."
"Let me connect you with a former partner of mine."
"I saw your post last week, was just about to reach out."

None of this happened because I ran ads or built a bunch of fancy frickin' funnels.

It happened because I showed up.

Know what's crazy? Most people only reach out when they need something. When business is slow. When they're desperate.

That's backwards. That's uncomfortable. That's why it doesn't work.

3 ways to make showing up your standard:

• Set a weekly reminder. Sunday morning, list 5 people to check in with. No pitch allowed.

• Comment before you create. Engage with 10 posts before writing your own. Build connection first.

• Track your give/ask ratio. For every ask, you better have 10 gives. Minimum.

I've been using Clay to keep this organized. 

It tracks my outreach, reminds me who I haven't talked to in a while, keeps the whole system from falling apart. 

Binary decision: You're either showing up consistently when you need nothing, or desperately reaching out when you need everything.

What's one person you've been meaning to reach out to?

Send them a message today. No pitch. Just show up.

9 commitments that will raise your standards:

1. I will never accept less than my worth, even when desperate.

2. I will choose discomfort over mediocrity, every single time.

3. I will price my work based on value, not fear.

4. I will say no to good opportunities to make room for great ones.

5. I will do the right thing when nobody's watching.

6. I will treat my calendar like a declaration of my priorities.

7. I will build systems that support my standards, not excuses that justify lowering them.

8. I will teach my kids through my actions, not my aspirations.

9. I will stop negotiating with myself about what I deserve.

Your standards determine your price.
Your price determines your life.
Your life determines your legacy.

Binary decision: You're either committing to these today, or you're committed to staying exactly where you are.

What standard are you done negotiating with?

I make the same 47 decisions every day. 
Until I stopped making them at all.

Lost count at the gym this morning. Was it rep 4 or 5?

Picked 4. Always pick the lower number.

That's my standard: When I lose track, I choose the harder path.

Most people would shrug it off. "Close enough." But close enough is how standards die. One shortcut at a time. One excuse after another.

I mentioned this exact thing in a post last week. Said I'd rather do more than less and cheat myself. Then this weekend, same situation. Rep 6 or 7? 

Already made that decision once. Already declared it publicly. So there's no debate anymore.

That's the power of standards - you make the decision once and you're done with it.

No more mental energy wasted. No more negotiating with yourself at 6am. The standard decides for you.

Know what's even more powerful? When you declare those standards publicly.

Not for accountability from others. For accountability to yourself.

Because when you've told the world "this is who I am," backing down feels like betrayal. Not to them. To the person you said you'd become.

Binary decision: You're either the person with standards that decide for you, or you're negotiating with yourself every single time.

What decision are you tired of making over and over?

You know that mental exhaustion from debating "Should I say yes to this?" every single day?

When you have standards, that debate disappears. The answer's already there.

"I don't work weekends" isn't being difficult. It's mental freedom.

Know what's crazy? Your brain is fighting itself when your actions don't match your values. That weird guilt when you do something that doesn't feel right? Your mind attacking itself with stress chemicals.

Standards fix that.

9 ways standards boost your mental health:

• You stop exhausting yourself with the same decisions. "Should I accept this?" becomes "Does this meet my standards?" Done.

• Your actions finally match who you say you are. No more guilt from doing things that don't align with your values.

• You start trusting yourself again. Keep your own commitments, rebuild self-respect. That quiet confidence changes everything.

• You sleep better. When you address problems instead of tolerating them, there's nothing to replay at 2am.

• Your relationships get lighter. Stop accepting disrespect, stop carrying resentment. The relationships that remain actually feel good.

• You know what you're building toward. Your days stop feeling random. You can explain why you do what you do.

• You stop performing for everyone else. Set your own standards, stop chasing external validation. That freedom is everything.

• You know where you stand. No more walking into situations unclear. You've already decided what's okay and what's not.

• You can finally breathe. When you're not tolerating things that drain you, there's space. Space to think, create, rest.

The pattern: When you tolerate misalignment, your brain works overtime trying to make sense of the contradiction.

When you have standards, your brain can relax. Everything's congruent.

It's not about being rigid. It's about being clear.

And clarity is kindness, to yourself and everyone around you.

Binary decision: You're either using standards to protect your mental health, or you're letting the lack of them destroy it.

Which standard would give you the most mental relief if you enforced it starting today?

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Terry Rice

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The Battle

Nir Eyal

Terry Rice

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Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Nir Eyal's LinkedIn Performance

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