Negotiation | Consultant & Professor with 30+ years of global experience | Negotiation by Design | Negotiation Institutional Capacity Building | #NegotiationByDesign | Dutiful Advocate to my Clients |

Need to strengthen your negotiation strategy and drive more profitable deals?

As a global negotiation consultant and professor, I help organizations build an Institutional Negotiation Capacity—transforming negotiation into a strategic advantage.

I’ve spent three decades honing my craft—originally sparked by a chance encounter in a negotiation workshop led by Roger Fisher. 

That serendipitous moment ignited my passion for negotiation, and since then I’ve guided executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders at world-renowned institutions like the Kellogg School of Management, McGill University, and Columbia University’s ICCCR.

At Negotiation by Design®, we go beyond surface-level tactics. We embed negotiation into your organizational DNA, cultivating a shared language, continuous learning, and long-term strategic advantage. 

Fluent in Spanish, English, and French, and backed by degrees from Columbia University, DePauw University, and an EMBA from Kellogg, I bring a nuanced global perspective to every client engagement.

My personal life—parenting Mateo and Anabel, exploring trails on my mountain bike, and cooking up a storm—has taught me that the best lessons often arise from unexpected moments. These experiences remind me that true negotiation mastery combines skill, humility, and a human touch.

Together, let’s transform how your organization negotiates—unlocking better deals, stronger relationships, and sustainable results.

Ready to unlock your team’s full potential? 

Click “Connect” or “Message” me now, and let’s explore how I can support you.

Or book a meeting at  https://calendly.com/negotiationbydesign

Pablo Restrepo

You never know which small detail will unlock a negotiation.

Years ago, I helped negotiate a merger.
It was between two security companies.
Both provided alarm monitoring.

I focused on the process.
I invited the owner of the other company to dinner.
It was an Italian restaurant.
We shared Italian wine and conversation.

We talked about many things.
Then we shared our passions.
His was playing tennis.
Mine was MTB.

He told me his kids were great tennis players.
He said they could get a scholarship.
However, that would be easier in the USA.
Not in Colombia.

At the time, it seemed unimportant.
It mostly helped build trust.

It took two months to agree on the main conditions.
Then we got stuck on the CEO of the merged company.
Obviously, he wanted the role for himself.
But my client wanted to choose the CEO.

That is when I remembered "that" dinner.
Our strategic plan included opening an operation in Miami.
So the solution became obvious.

We offered him to lead the operation in Miami.
He could move there.
It fit his ambition for his kids.
They could play tennis at school.
And pursue a sports scholarship.

This shows something important.
You do not know what information helps...
... until it becomes useful.

What unexpected detail has helped you unlock a negotiation? 

I'd love it if you share a quick example in the comments.

undefined undefined

Helping Individuals, Organizations and Governments in Negotiation | 30 + years of Global Experience | Speaker, Consultant, and Professor | Proud Father | Founder of Negotiation by Design |

Negotiation power is being impeccable.

One sentence builds bridges.
One unfiltered word can burn them down.

Last week at Universidad de los Andes, I worked with exceptional executives.
It was during our Strategic Negotiations program.

We discussed how emotional “leakage” derails even the best plans.

To master the art of being impeccable, use the FILTER method.
It is a 6-step mental checklist.
Run it before you open your mouth.

Step 0. Raw thought:
Don’t suppress the impulse.
Notice it.

Research suggests that naming the feeling internally helps you manage it.
Otherwise, the emotion manages you.
It is data, not a directive.
 
Step 1. Intention check:
The question: Am I advancing the conversation, or just trying to “win”?

The insight: If your goal is to punish or humiliate, you are venting.
You are no longer negotiating.
Real influence needs a clear path to agreement.

Step 2. Choice check:
The question: Does this need to be said by me, right now?

The insight: Not everything true is useful.
Not everything useful is timely.
If it is neither, stay silent.
 
Step 3. Compassion check:
The question: How will this land emotionally?

The insight: You do not need to agree to be respectful.
Softening your delivery without diluting your message prevents the other party from entering a "defensive crouch." 
 
Step 4. Empathy check:
The question: Can I see this from their side of the table?

The insight: Empathy is not about being “nice.”
It is about discovery.
Understand the constraints shaping their behavior.
That strengthens your leverage.
 
Step 5. Respect and impact check:
The question: Does this attack the problem or the person?

The insight: Relationship capital is the currency of future deals.
Avoid “loss of face” at all costs.
Respect preserves the bridge you may need to cross later.

Step 6. Listening check:
The question: Am I responding to what they said?
Or to what I think they meant?

The insight: Studies show most “difficult” people just feel unheard.
Test your assumptions before reaching conclusions.

The final decision: Speak, or don’t.

Only after these filters do you decide:
 • Say it as is.
 • Say it differently.
 • Say it later.
 • Don’t say it at all.

Being impeccable with your words does not mean speaking more.
It often means knowing when to stay silent.

Which of these six filters is hardest to maintain under pressure?
Let’s discuss below.

Is your negotiation style holding you back?

We all have a default setting at the bargaining table.

But research into social motives, our innate preferences for outcome distribution, suggests one thing:
Relying on a single natural inclination is a strategic liability.

Mastering deals requires shifting between four distinct archetypes.

• The Individualist: 
Primarily focused on maximizing personal gain.
They are forceful and claim value, rather than creating it.

• The Cooperator: 
Driven by mutual results.
They utilize information exchange to grow the pie for all parties.

• The Competitive: 
Motivated by the gap between their outcome and yours.
This win-big mentality often blocks collaborative breakthroughs.

• The Altruist: 
Prioritizes the counterpart’s success.
While noble, it is rare and often risky in professional settings or in high-stakes negotiations.

The real skill is knowing when to switch.
If you start with cooperation, you often find better solutions and higher satisfaction.
But claiming your fair share? That's non-negotiable.

Elite negotiators don't stick to one style.
They see styles as tools, used situationally.
They build value first, then pivot to secure their fair share.

Which style is your default, and when has it failed you?
Let’s discuss in the comments.

Don’t haggle; design your negotiation.

Negotiation is often framed as a binary choice.

Do you fight for your slice of the pie, or do you try to bake a bigger one? 

In reality, the most effective negotiators realize it’s not an "either/or"; it's a sequence.

To succeed, you must master the transition from Positional Bargaining to Interests-Based Design, without falling into the "Value Creator's Trap." 

Here is an objective breakdown of the two architectures and the critical balance between them: 


1. Positional Bargaining (The "Haggle") 

  Core Logic: Focused on WHAT you want (fixed demands). 

  Information: A weapon. Guarded to maintain leverage. 

  Standards: A battle of wills or "splitting the middle." 

  Pros: Fast, simple, and protects you in low-trust deals. 

  Cons: Leaves value on the table and often damages long-term relationships. 


2. Interests & Principles (The "Architecture") 

  Core Logic: Focused on WHY you want it (underlying needs). 

  Information: A resource. Shared to find creative "trades." 

  Standards: Objective criteria, like market data and expert standards. 

  Pros: Creates durable, high-value, and creative agreements. 

  Cons: Time-intensive and requires "calculated" transparency. 

A common mistake is becoming so enamored with Creating Value (expanding the pie) that you forget to Claim Value (securing your share). 

The Philanthropist Error: 
If you focus only on interests and value creation, you risk being "too soft." 
You might design a brilliant deal for the other side while leaving yourself with the crumbs. 

The Shark Error: If you focus only on claiming value through positional tactics, you leave the "hidden" value (the creative trades and long-term gains) undiscovered. 

Effective negotiation architecture requires a dual-track mind: 

First, collaborate to expand: Use interest-based inquiry to find where your needs overlap and where you can trade low-cost items for high-value gains. 

Then, compete to divide: Once the pie is as big as possible, use objective principles and firm boundaries to ensure you claim a fair and sustainable portion of that new value. 

So be an architect when designing the deal, but don't forget to be a steward of your own interests when it’s time to sign. 

Are you currently focused more on growing the pie or claiming your slice? Let’s discuss in the comments.

In negotiation, your “honesty” is often just your ego wanting a microphone.

Most professional and personal damage doesn’t stem from deep-seated betrayal. 

It happens because of impulse. 

It happens the moment your mouth starts warming up, and your brain whispers: “Teach them a lesson.” 

The truth is usually accurate, but it isn’t always useful. 

True influence isn’t about winning a moment. It’s about mastering these 10 tactical pillars. They transform high-stakes conflict into high-value collaboration.

1. Listen to learn: 
Active listening is the most effective strategy. It reduces defensiveness. 
Ask questions to uncover core concerns. 
Repeat back what you heard. 
Confirm understanding before presenting your own view.

2. Multiply the issues: 
Avoid fixating on a single point. 
Price and deadlines are common traps. 
Introduce multiple variables. 
Create room for smart trade-offs. 
Satisfy all parties.

3. Sit on the same side: 
Frame the dispute as a shared puzzle. 
Shift the dynamic from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem”. 
Find better solutions.

4. Label the power play: 
When faced with manipulative behavior, calmly describe it out loud. 
Naming the tactic neutralizes its power. 
Refocus the conversation on the technical solution.

5. Acknowledge the sacred: 
Do not attempt to use “logic” against someone’s core values. 
Validate their deeply held beliefs. 
Do it without necessarily conceding your position. 
Keep the door open.

6. Defang the threat: 
Treat an ultimatum as a temporary lapse in judgment. 
It can also be a cry for help. 
Ignore it once. 
Allow the other party to retreat without losing face.

7. Pivot to the objective: 
When emotions spike, introduce neutral data and facts. 
Objective criteria act as gravity. 
They pull an emotional argument back to solid ground.

8. Find the north star: 
Identify the overarching goals both parties share. 
Think project success or long-term peace. 
Work backward from that shared destination.

9. Sell the gain: 
Reframe your solution to emphasize relationship capital. 
Emphasize what is being gained. 
Do not focus on what is being “given up”.

10. Maintain agility: 
A rigid negotiator is a brittle one. 
Treat your strategy as a flexible draft. 
Adjust your tactics as you learn more. 
Focus on the other side’s true interests.

The next time you are “technically correct” and ready to fire back, pause.

Ask yourself: “Am I trying to advance the conversation, or just win the moment?” 

The answer is the difference between a signed deal and a total disaster.

I thought anger was the problem.

The real issue was underneath it.

Growing up, the rule was simple: “Calm down, then we can talk.”

I was taught that anger blocked communication. So, when my son became a teenager, I used that same tool. I thought I was being the “rational adult.” In reality, I was an authoritative wall.

It failed miserably.

Then I read John Gottman’s work on emotionally intelligent parenting. It changed my home life and how I teach strategic negotiation. It showed me that every “difficult” person has layers to decode.

A few months ago, we clashed with my son over a Saturday night curfew. He wanted 2:00 AM. I wanted 11:30 PM. 

The explosion was immediate: shouting, a slammed door, and “You don’t trust me!”

In the past, I would have enforced the rules harder. Instead, I went to his room and looked for the layers:

• The secondary emotion: Anger. The noise.

• The primary emotion: Irrelevance. He felt the strict time showed I didn’t trust his judgment or maturity.
	
• The need: Status and self-governance. He didn’t just want to stay out late. He wanted to feel like the CEO of his own life.

The solution: the reliability dashboard

I stopped negotiating the clock. I started negotiating the system.

I told him, “I don’t actually care about the time. I care about your safety and your ability to manage your life. Let’s move from ‘rules’ to a ‘Reliability Dashboard’.”

We set up a two-week self-governance trial. He had no curfew at all, if he met three “KPIs”:

• The safety ping: a proactive text at 11:00 PM, before I asked.
• The morning metric: being at the breakfast table by 9:00 AM, sharp.
• The performance baseline: no drop in his school grades.

The result

The energy shifted instantly. He wasn’t fighting a “cop” anymore. He was managing a contract.

The “wow” moment? After three days of staying out late, he started coming home at midnight on his own. He realized that 2:00 AM made him feel terrible the next day. Because he made the decision, he chose the responsible path himself.

Whether at a boardroom table or a kitchen table, emotions work the same way.
	
• Stop managing the person. Start designing the system.
• Listen past the anger to find the primary emotion.
• Solve for the need (autonomy), not the demand (the curfew).

Negotiation isn’t about winning the argument. It’s about reframing the conversation until the solution is obvious to both sides.

FOMO and FOBO in negotiation

The fine line between optimization and sabotage

In high-stakes negotiations, your greatest opponent isn’t across the table.

It’s the psychological tug-of-war inside your own head.

Most negotiators fall into one of two traps:

• FOMO (Fear of Missing Out): A scarcity mindset that triggers an impulsive “yes.”
You over-concede because you’re afraid this is the last deal on earth.

• FOBO (Fear of a Better Option): A maximizer’s paralysis.
You can’t commit because you’re haunted by a hypothetical “perfect” deal nearby.

The amateur’s exit: "Satisficing."

To escape these fears, many choose to “satisfice.” They settle for a deal that is simply “good enough.”

It feels safe, but it kills value.

At Negotiation by Design, we don’t settle. We Optimize.

That's the professional’s path: realistic Optimization

Optimization isn’t about being greedy. It’s about the disciplined pursuit of the Pareto frontier.

But true optimization requires two reality checks:

1. Audit your BATNA:
If you haven’t stress-tested your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement, you are negotiating in the dark.

A hallucinated BATNA leads to FOBO (you walk away from a great deal)

A weak BATNA leads to FOMO (you cave to a bad one)
	
2. Respect their BATNA:
Pushing a counterpart beyond their walk-away point isn’t optimizing. It’s sabotage.

If you don’t understand the other side’s floor, you risk an impasse. Then everyone leaves with nothing.

The secret to beating both FOMO and FOBO is logrolling: intelligent trade-offs.

Trade across issues: give on what they value, but costs you little, and take on what you value, but costs them little.

That creates a deal so tailored that a “better option” may not exist elsewhere.

You aren’t just splitting the ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement). You’re expanding it.

“Optimization is the courage to reject ‘good enough’ and the wisdom to align your alternatives with the reality of the room.”

FOMO or FOBO in your negotiations, anyone?

Ever feel like you’re losing a negotiation before it even starts?

It usually happens the moment the other side drops a number.
In negotiation theory, this is the Anchoring Effect.
It is the psychological tendency to fixate on the first number mentioned.
Even when it is completely unrealistic.

If you’re buying a home, the seller may list it at $900k.
The market may say $820k.
That $900k becomes the anchor.
If you don’t cut the chain immediately, it pulls every move you make.
It pulls you toward their overpriced starting point.

Here is how to defuse a heavy anchor without “protesting too much”:
	
1. Call it out (the direct defuse)
Never throw your counteroffer over the fence.
Invalidate their number first.

Say: “I’m not trying to play games, but we are miles apart on price. That starting point isn’t feasible based on current comps.”
	
2. Don’t linger on their number.
A common mistake is spending 20 minutes explaining why their price is wrong.
That obsession validates the anchor.
Mention it’s non-viable.
Then pivot immediately to your proposal.
	
3. Use the Midpoint Rule.
A strong predictor of the final deal is the midpoint between the first semi-reasonable offer and the counteroffer.

If they anchor high, counter strategically low.
Pull the midpoint back into your ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement)
	
4. Justify with “third-party” constraints.
Don’t make it personal.
Use appraisals, inspection reports, or market data.
Explain why your number is the "fair" one.
It’s harder to argue with a bank valuation.
It’s easier to dismiss a personal opinion.

You can’t defend against a tactic you don’t see coming.
Recognize the anchor.
Defuse it clearly.
Set your own baseline.

How easy is it for you to counter a very aggressive first offer?

Better metrics do more than track a deal... 

... they build the negotiator.

If you aren’t measuring the right variables in negotiation, you aren’t truly improving; you’re just repeating the same habits with different counterparts.

High-level skill acquisition requires a learning loop, as Professor Leigh Thompson suggests.

Without metrics, your post-game review is an anecdote.

With them, it becomes institutional capability.

Use these three pillars to sharpen your edge:
	
1. Substantive metrics (the “What”)
  • Analyze ex post: Measure final price, volume, and terms.
   • The optimization: Measure against your aspiration point, not just your “walk-away” price.

2. Relationship metrics (the “Who”)
  • During the deal: Is there enough trust for high-level information sharing?
  • After the deal: Is the bond strong enough to ensure smooth implementation?
  • A “win” that leaves resentment is a long-term liability, not a victory.

3. Process metrics (the “How”)
  • Real-time indicators: Are you anchoring effectively and asking open-ended questions?
  • The benefit: Process metrics allow you to pivot during the session, preventing suboptimal agreements.

When you track the Process and Relationship alongside Substance, you transform negotiation from a “soft skill” into hard institutional muscle.

Stop settling for outcomes you can’t explain. Start measuring what you can control.

When you review a negotiation, do you measure these three metrics, only two of them, or just the substantive outcome? Let me know in the comments

The Smart Negotiator's Scorecard

Most tough negotiators are not impossible.

They are protecting something they fear losing.

That changes everything.

When you stop reading resistance as aggression and start seeing it as pressure, ego, or uncertainty, negotiation becomes much more strategic.

The smartest negotiators do three things well.

First, they uncover what is really behind the other side’s “no”.

Second, they create a path forward that helps the other person feel respected, in control, and able to save face.

Third, they know when to calmly call a bluff and walk away instead of rewarding pressure with unnecessary concessions.

The key takeaway is simple:

Great negotiation is not about overpowering difficult people. It is about understanding what is driving their behavior, reducing friction, and structuring options that make agreement easier without giving away value.

That is how you get better outcomes, move faster, and protect the relationship at the same time.

If you can read what is happening beneath the surface, offer a dignified way forward, or confidently step back when needed, you stop treating conflict like a battle and start turning it into collaboration.

How to turn “No way!” into “Let’s find a way.” Why this matters for Smart Negotiators: Better outcomes. You’ll stop tough negotiators from squeezing o

Taming the Impossible Counterpart in Negotiation

Turn a hardball negotiation threat into valuable information. 

Ask "Why?" to uncover their real underlying interests. 

When someone makes a threat in a negotiation, our natural response is to react.

But research from negotiation experts at PON, HBR, and DRRC suggests a better approach: don’t react. Decode.

Instead of letting your amygdala hijack the negotiation, use the DEAL method.
(Diagnose, Express, Ask, Label)

It helps diffuse the threat.
It also redirects the conversation toward interests.

1. Diagnose the threat:
Pause first.
Then assess what kind of threat you are facing.

Is it coming from a frustrated victim?
A pragmatist outlining constraints?
Or a bluffer seeking dominance?

Is this real power or just a tactic?

2. Express understanding:
Acknowledge emotions without giving in.
Let the other party feel heard.

That can reduce tension.
It can also build satisfaction without making concessions.

3. Ask questions:
Shift attention from the threat to the information behind it.

Turn the threat into useful data about their interests, constraints, or alternatives by asking questions like “Why?” or “What makes that fair?”

4. Label the threat.

Name the tactic clearly.
Then reestablish a constructive tone.

You could say, “I don’t find threats very productive.
Can we focus on solutions that work for both of us?”

This kind of process labeling can restart stalled negotiations.

By adopting a thoughtful protocol, you can move from reactive to proactive.

Unreciprocated threats often fade on their own.

If a counterthreat becomes necessary, use it carefully.

It should be rare, credible, and face-saving.
Then quickly return to joint problem-solving.

Mastering this skill turns roadblocks into opportunities.

It leads to more productive, interest-based negotiations.

What are your go-to strategies for handling difficult tactics in negotiation?

Share your thoughts below!

Middle East tensions are breaking your supply chain.

Deploy a structured ladder to fight price hikes.

The global supply chain is under fire.

Between tensions in the Middle East and volatile energy and shipping lanes, costs are rising fast.

Many call this the “perfect storm.”

Suppliers are using it to justify a new wave of price hikes.

But here is the harsh reality: A global crisis is not a blank check.

How you respond now will shape your margins for years.

You do not have to be a victim of the circumstances.

Here are 6 strategies to take control.

1️⃣. Conditioning: Set expectations upfront
Suppliers must know you are serious about cost discipline.

Do this before they enter the room:
• Announce productivity goals: State your own cost-reduction targets.
• Hint at consequences: Make clear that unjustified increases trigger a formal relationship review.

2️⃣. Rejection: Say “no” confidently
Do not let the first request become the new baseline.

• Standardize procedures: Use formal rejection letters to shift the discussion from “emotional” to “procedural.”
• Launch RFQs: Always be ready to explore alternative suppliers. The credible threat of exit is your strongest leverage.
	
3️⃣. Refutation and delay: Challenge and stall
Time is a strategic asset in negotiation.

• Counter with data: Use market indices to challenge broad claims of “inflation.”
• Demand evidence: Require a granular, line-item justification for every cent.

4️⃣. Offsetting: Negotiate for reciprocal value
If a hike is truly unavoidable, do not give it away for free.

• Seek concessions: Negotiate better payment terms, added services, or volume rebates.
• Reciprocity is key: If they need a price change, what do you need in return?

5️⃣. Limiting: Cap the impact
Use your contracts as a shield.

• Tighten clauses: Ensure your agreements limit the frequency and size of potential hikes.
• Set caps and collars: Negotiate maximum limits (caps) to protect against spikes and minimums (collars) to ensure you benefit from drops. 
	
6️⃣. Future-proof: Plan for the rebound
Markets that rise eventually fall.

• Conditional acceptance: Agree only to increases tied to specific market triggers.
• The snapback: Ensure prices return to original levels when crisis factors fade.

The mantra: Slow up, fast down.

Delay price increases as much as possible and apply market-driven decreases as fast as possible.

How is your team navigating the current wave of supply chain disruptions?

Let’s share strategies in the comments below.

Rebecca has over 20 years of experience in the construction industry.  She began her career working in the field for top tier contractors.  After seven years, she decided to pursue a law degree to enhance her contracts and change negotiation skills. Her law studies centered on drafting contracts and understanding administrative agencies. Once she obtained her law degree, she then focused on strategizing, training, and creating compelling content for complex construction change and claim issues on various large projects, including LA Metro projects.  She has now transitioned to representing owners, which allows her to bring a contractor perspective and insight to the owner's side of the table. 

Rebecca is passionate about approaching adversarial situations with a sense of curiosity, confidence and adventure.  She brings stability, clarity and order to complex issues related to claims, contracts, and project conflicts.  She has a reputation for an impressive capacity to remain level-headed in contentious conversations and to steer discussions between the parties back to partnering to resolve the conflict.  Her negotiation skills have been influenced by Harvard's Program on Negotiation.   She seeks to leverage principled negotiation skills in guiding parties to resolutions that address their interests and, wherever possible, preserve their relationship, and even strengthen it.

Rebecca invests in the future generations through various mentoring and training opportunities within DE and outside of DE, as well.  She believes sharing her knowledge and experience is one of her greatest assets.

taplio

The Battle

Pablo Restrepo

Rebecca Perry

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance ScorePablo Restrepo's LinkedIn Performance

Ready to grow your LinkedIn presence?

taplio

The Battle

Pablo Restrepo

Rebecca Perry

Followers

Posts

Engagements

Likes

Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Pablo Restrepo's LinkedIn Performance

Ready to grow your LinkedIn presence?

Performance ScorePablo Restrepo's LinkedIn Performance