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Raphael Buck

Change your state, change your life. 
How to not miss your penalty shots in life.
  
Same moment. Different state. Different destiny.
 
You can often predict whether a player will miss or score 
a penalty before the ball is kicked just by the walk.
 
Player 1  
Shoulders tense. Jaw tight.  
Focus: “Don’t miss.”  
Meaning: “If I fail, I let everyone down.”  
The body contracts. The shot hesitates.  
Often miss.
 
Player 2  
Body loose. Breathe steady.  
Focus: “Pick the corner.”  
Meaning: “This is my moment.”  
The body expands. The movement flows.  
Often goal.
 
Same distance. Same pressure.  
Different state. Different result.
 
 
WHAT IS A STATE?

The concept popularized by Tony Robbins is simple:
State is the combination of three elements:

1. Physiology  
Posture, breathing, movement. 
The body influences the mind.

2. Focus  
What you pay attention to. 
Threat or opportunity.

3. Meaning  
The story you assign. 
Failure or training.

Physiology shapes focus.  
Focus shapes meaning.  
Meaning drives action.  
Action drives results.

  
WHY it matters
 
Decisions Improve  
Emotional state influences risk perception 
(Lerner et al., 2015). 
 
Energy Drives Execution  
Performance follows physiological activation. 
(Jamieson et al. 2010)
 
Identity Is Reinforced  
Repeated emotional states shape self-perception
(Damasio, 1994).
  
  
WHAT actions to take 
  
1. Activate Your Body
  
Before important conversations or decisions: 
move. Stand tall. Deepen your breathing. 
Elevate intensity for 60–120 seconds.
Body leads mind
  
2. Direct Your Focus
  
Ask better questions.  
Not: “Why is this difficult?”  
But: “What is the opportunity here?”  
Focus creates feeling
  
3. Reframe Meaning
  
Events are neutral. Interpretation is not.  
Replace “This is a problem” with “This is training.”  
Meaning shapes reality
  
4. Interrupt Fast
  
When you feel contraction, catch it early. 
Stand up. Walk. Reset breathing. 
Disrupt the loop
  
5. Create Rituals
  
Elite performers anchor peak states through routines: 
music, movement, visualization, breath. 
Build your own pre-performance ritual.
Ritual creates reliability
  

FINAL thought
  
Circumstances are rarely under your control.
Your physiology is.  Your focus is.  Your meaning is.


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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Change Your State - Change Your Life

First Principles - Relationships. 
Why great relationships are not about you but about the other person and what you build together.

Lady Randolph Churchill, Winston Churchill’s mother, 
once attended two dinners with 
two different British prime ministers.

After the first dinner she remarked:
"When I left the table, 
 I thought he was the most brilliant man in England."

After the second dinner she said:
"When I left the table, 
I thought I was the most brilliant woman in England."

The first man impressed her.
The second man made her feel valued.

Great relationships when 
others feel seen, valued, and understood.

 
WHY it matters

Happiness
Quality relationships are the strongest 
predictor of long-term happiness 
(Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

Health
Strong relationships significantly increase 
longevity and physical health
(Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

Resilience
Supportive relationships buffer stress and 
improve psychological resilience 
(Cohen & Wills, 1985).

 
WHAT actions to take

Five First Principles on Relationships

1. Trust
Trust grows through reliability and psychological safety. 
Keep your word, be consistent, listen without judgment,
and assume positive intent. 
Principle: Create psychological safety.

2. Understanding
Seek to truly understand the other person’s perspective, 
emotions, and aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions, 
listen carefully, and show genuine curiosity. 
Principle: Seek to understand first.

3. Appreciation
Express appreciation regularly. Notice small efforts, 
acknowledge strengths, and say thank you often. 
Principle: Show sincere appreciation.

4. Shared Meaning
Build experiences, rituals, and goals together. 
Travel, traditions, family habits, and common 
projects create shared memories and direction. 
Principle: Build something together.

5. Repair
Conflict is inevitable. What matters is repairing 
quickly. Apologize early, lower tension, and focus on
understanding rather than winning. 
Principle: Repair quickly.


FINAL thought

The secret of great relationships is surprisingly simple:
Make the other person feel bigger.
As writer Maya Angelou famously said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget 
what you did, but people will never forget 
how you made them feel.”

Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

First Principles - Relationships

Be a Free Spirit. 
Live by choice, not convention.

I find it fascinating what drives people 
to live their lives as they do.

There are countless explicit and implicit conventions 
about what a successful career looks like, 
what defines a great relationship, how to raise a family, 
and how to live healthily.

Many follow conventions without ever challenging them. 
They climb a ladder they never placed. 
They follow a script they did not write.

A free spirit is different.
“A free spirit is someone who is internally free enough 
to choose their life deliberately and 
brave enough to accept the consequences.”


WHY it matters

Agency
A free spirit strengthens agency 
Higher perceived control increases motivation, 
persistence, and performance under uncertainty 
(Bandura, 1997).

Coherence with What Matters
Living by chosen values increases coherence. 
When behavior aligns with intrinsic goals, well-being and 
sustained motivation rise significantly 
(Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Flexibility & Resilience
Detachment from rigid identity increases adaptability. 
Psychological flexibility improves resilience
(Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).


WHAT to do

1. Awareness & Detachment
List the conventions shaping your career, relationships, 
money, and health. Question each: 
Did I choose this or inherit it?
Principle: See the script

2. Curiosity
Expose yourself to alternative models of success 
and living. Read outside your field. Seek opposing views. 
Curiosity expands possibilities. 
Principle: Expand the frame

3. North Star
Define your core values, long-term ambition, 
and non-negotiables. 
Write a one-page personal constitution. 
Freedom requires direction, not drift. 
Principle: Choose your direction

4. Courage
Act in alignment even when approval declines. 
Make one visible decision that optimizes for meaning 
over optics this year. 
Freedom requires tolerating friction. 
Principle: Accept the cost

5. Discipline
Build systems that protect your autonomy: 
health routines, financial runway, deep work blocks. 
Discipline sustains freedom over time. 
Principle: Protect your freedom
 

FINAL thought
Being a free spirit is not about rebellion. 
It is about authorship.
Not escaping structure but choosing it. 
Not rejecting responsibility but owning it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become 
who you truly are.” Carl Jung

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Design a life that works for you 🔥
Raphael

Be A Free Spirit

Either / Or:  How to make major life decisions?
A simple question provides the right path. 

Major life decisions. Everyone faces them.  
Do I pursue this career or that career?  
Do I stay in my current job or change?  
Do I engage with this partner or another?  
Do I commit to the relationship?  
Should we get married?  
Should we have children?
  
All of these are major life decisions.
  
Some decisions feel clear; 
Others are far less obvious.  
Because they offer different paths.  
They involve trade-offs. 
Those choices can lead to regret
The regret of an alternative life.
  
I recently came across a beautifully 
simple question for navigating such choices.  
It comes from Søren Kierkegaard in Either/Or:
  
“𝗢𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗷𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀, 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 
𝘄𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵.”
  
 
WHY it matters
  
Clarity
Focusing on intolerable regret simplifies 
complex choices by revealing what truly matters, 
reducing cognitive overload and indecision 
(Iyengar & Lepper, 2000).
  
Commitment
Decisions aligned with deeply held values 
create stronger motivation and persistence  
(Self-Determination Theory; Deci & Ryan, 2000).
  
Life Satisfaction
People who make decisions consistent with 
intrinsic priorities report higher long-term 
life satisfaction and lower regret 
(Schwartz et al., 2002).
  

WHAT to do 
  
1. Imagine Both Futures
Visualize both life paths in vivid detail
career, relationships, daily life, identity. 
Notice which imagined future creates 
deeper excitement or discomfort.
 
2. Identify the Regret
 Ask: ten years from now, which missed path 
would create the heavier regret? 
Regret reveals priorities
  
3. Remove Perfection
Accept that no choice eliminates trade-offs. 
Every meaningful path sacrifices another possibility. 
Life is trade-offs
  
4. Follow Aliveness
Notice which option feels more alive, meaningful, 
or expansive, even if it is harder or riskier. 
Growth usually lives there. 
Energy signals direction
  
5. Commit Fully
Once chosen, stop revisiting the alternative path. 
Invest your energy fully in building the life you selected.
Commitment creates meaning
  

FINAL thought
  
“Life can only be understood backwards; 
but it must be lived forwards.” Søren Kierkegaard
  
  
Design a life that works for you 🔥

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Raphael

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Either / Or - Life Decisions

The Cross-Border Expert | Helping Marketplaces & Tech Platforms Scale Globally | Follow For Sales, Branding & CX That Convert

Hi, I’m Charlie Fiander
Your go-to partner for scaling e-commerce platforms and marketplaces globally 🌍

I help brands simplify international expansion, tax compliance, and customer experience  so they can grow without getting bogged down in complexity.

Here’s what I know about you:

● You’re ready to expand into new markets, but the logistics feel overwhelming
● You’re hitting roadblocks with duties, taxes, or compliance
● You know customer experience is key, but cross-border selling complicates it
My approach blends the creativity of a brand builder with the precision of a compliance expert.

Here’s how I think about it:

🔹 Strategy – Cut through the chaos and design smart expansion plans
🔹 Compliance – Navigate global tax, duties, and regulations with confidence
🔹 Experience – Build seamless customer journeys that convert, anywhere in the world

I’ve built my career across fashion, e-commerce, logistics (DHL Express), and digital marketplaces.

Now at Avalara, I help platforms scale confidently specialising in global tax and compliance strategy.

A few things to know about me:
✔️ Launched my first company at university after winning Entrepreneur of the Year
✔️ 10+ years in e-commerce, fashion, logistics, and growth strategy
✔️ Helped brands expand into 20+ international markets
✔️ Specialist in cross-border commerce, VAT, duties, and compliance
✔️ I’m dyslexic, which gives me an edge in finding creative, unconventional solutions

Mantra: Feel the fear and do it anyway

Let’s connect if you’re:
✅ Building a marketplace
✅ Expanding cross-border
✅ Or just want to chat about growth, creativity, and smart scaling

DMs are open, always happy to connect and swap ideas.

Book here : https://avalara.chilipiper.com/shared/charlie-fiander

Charlie Fiander

You know that moment…

You upload your CV.

You feel productive.
You feel qualified.
You feel seen.

Then the portal hits you with:

“Please fill in your employment history.”

And it’s 17 separate boxes.
For the exact same information.
You just uploaded.

At that point, it’s giving:

👉 “Oh… you thought this was quick?”

This is genuinely one of the most universal corporate experiences.

And it says something interesting about how we design processes.

We say we want:
• Efficiency
• Great candidate experience
• Top talent

But then we build systems that:
• Create friction
• Waste time
• Test patience before the interview even starts

If you’ve ever wondered why strong candidates drop off halfway through an application…

This is why.

The best companies remove friction.
The average ones add admin.

Small UX decisions signal big cultural truths.

Be honest … have you ever abandoned an application because of this? 👀

Closing without a team is like Friends without Chandler… awkward silences and no punchline. 

And let’s be honest … you don’t want to be Joey stuck alone saying “How you doin’?” while your deal stalls out.

Here’s the pit crew that actually gets big deals across the line 👇

1️⃣ SDR – Keeps pipeline full so wins aren’t one-offs
2️⃣ Sales Engineer – Turns hesitation into “let’s sign” with proof
3️⃣ Sales Manager – Clears distractions so AE can focus
4️⃣ CRO – Adds executive weight when it matters most
5️⃣ AE – Orchestrates and gets the deal across the line

And the best pit crews don’t just “show up” they operate like pros:
 • Prep before every call (roles + outcomes aligned)
 • Assign ownership (no action item left unclaimed)
 • Fast debriefs (5 mins after: what worked, what didn’t, who owns next)
 • Stay synced (Slack/Teams keeps momentum alive)

📊 The velocity payoff is real:
 • Multi-threaded deals close 34% faster (Gong)
 • Involving 4+ stakeholders makes a deal 2.3× more likely to close (Gong)
 • Exec involvement boosts win rates by 16% (LinkedIn)
 • Halving your sales cycle = 2× more deals closed in the same time (Revenue)
 • Month-end rush? Reps close 3× more deals, but with 34% smaller size (GetAccept)

Takeaway: Solo selling is slow and inefficient.
Team selling accelerates both velocity and deal size.

👉 Do you agree that selling is a team sport? Or a solo job?

Friday thought: which platforms are actually winning the attention economy and what does that mean for how we connect, create and even think?

A recent Pew Research survey found that YouTube is now the most used platform in the U.S., with 84% of adults saying they use it.

That’s ahead of:
• Facebook (71%)
• Instagram (50%)
• TikTok (37%)
• Reddit (26%)
• Snapchat (25%)
• X (21%)

What’s fascinating isn’t just the ranking.

It’s what it signals.

YouTube isn’t just “social media.”
It’s search.
It’s education.
It’s entertainment.
It’s long-form.
It’s short-form.
It’s on your phone.
It’s now on your TV.

And that’s where things get interesting.

We grew up thinking television was the dominant screen.
Now YouTube is frequently watched on the television.

Traditional media hasn’t disappeared.
It’s being absorbed.

Globally, over 5 billion people use social platforms.
The average person spends around 2+ hours a day on social media.
And some platforms (like TikTok) lead not in reach — but in time spent per user.

That shift matters.

Because the real currency isn’t followers.
It isn’t impressions.
It’s attention.

And attention is moving toward:
• Video-first content
• On-demand learning
• Algorithm-driven discovery
• Personalised feeds over programmed schedules

Psychologically, it makes sense.
Video triggers more sensory engagement.
Short-form feeds tap into variable reward loops.

And recommendation engines remove friction — you don’t search, you’re served.

So here’s my Friday question:

Are we watching the replacement of television…
Or the evolution of it?

And if attention is consolidating into fewer, more immersive platforms … how should brands, founders and creators adapt?

Curious how you’re seeing this shift play out in your world. 👇

The difference between wealthy thinking and struggling thinking often comes down to one thing:

Time horizon.

People who build wealth think differently about time.

They invest in:

• Skills
• Knowledge
• Systems
• The future

People stuck financially often focus on:

• Immediate comfort
• Short-term pleasure
• Quick rewards

The irony?

The things that feel uncomfortable today often create the most freedom tomorrow.

Reading.

Learning.

Building.

Investing.

The habits you repeat daily quietly design your future.

What’s one habit that changed your trajectory?

Everything is a win when the goal is experience.

Read that again.

We’re taught to measure wins by outcomes:
• Closed deal
• Promotion
• Viral post
• Perfect relationship
• 10/10 result

But what if the metric is different?

What if the goal is:

→ Learning
→ Testing
→ Showing up
→ Building reps
→ Getting uncomfortable
→ Trying anyway

Missed deal?
Data.

Awkward first draft?
Practice.

First date that doesn’t work out?
Clarity.

Post that flops?
Iteration.

When your goal is experience, you can’t really lose.

Because you’re collecting information.

And information compounds.

This mindset changed how I:
• Approach sales conversations
• Show up on LinkedIn daily
• Try new things
• Take risks without spiralling

Outcome-driven = pressure.
Experience-driven = growth.

You either win.
Or you learn.

And learning always pays forward.

What’s something you tried recently that didn’t “work” — but taught you something valuable?

If you think inbound is king…think again.
Outbound leads convert 34% higher. 
Yet most reps still avoid it.

But here’s what the top performers know:
💡 64% of their pipeline? Built through outbound.
💡 47% of total revenue? Outbound deals.

They don’t wait for leads to drop in their inbox.
They make it happen.

Outbound is the low-key superpower of sales.
- It’s not loud.
- It’s not flashy.
- But it separates the wishers from the closers.

Most people:
❌ Avoid it
❌ Assume it’s someone else’s job
❌ Wait for marketing to do the heavy lifting

And here’s the kicker…
82% of buyers take meetings from sellers who reach out first.
Outbound isn’t a gift.

It’s a muscle.
You build it.

The numbers don’t lie:
📈 Companies blending inbound + outbound close 35% more deals & cut sales cycles by 27%
📈 Top reps create 45% more opportunities through outbound
📈 70% of decision-makers are open to a cold approach, if it’s relevant and timely

If you want to future-proof your sales team in 2025:
→ Train outbound like a core skill
→ Celebrate the reps doing the reps

Outbounding isn’t just for sales.
It’s for anyone who wants to open doors.

The question is… are you ready to walk the walk with me? 👠 

Aka 'Smile and Dial' 😁😂 

❤️Like 😅Follow Charlie Fiander 😍 Repost

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