MSP Sales Partners

We help IT and MSP businesses transform sales into their superpower. 

Our services include: 

- Sales training & coaching for closers
- Sales community and training for SDRs/BDRs
- Fractional sales and marketing leadership
- Sales audits and process assessments
- And more

Whether you need strategy, execution, or team development, we deliver results that move the needle.

Founder & Chief Revenue Officer

Repeatable Revenue Ventures

Elite Growth Studio + Venture Fund For B2B Founders Ready To Scale

We select a handful of ambitious B2B companies each year, providing the expertise, capital and resources needed to achieve 3-5Х growth and build a premium exit-ready asset.

Managing Partner

RJG Incubator

Courses, Community & Coaching to build valuable, scalable assets through proven systems and frameworks.

Some results from inside the RJG Incubator:

✔️ Close rates increasing from 26% to 44%
✔️ Doubled pipeline conversion
✔️ Millions in predictable revenue
✔️ Real enterprise value through systematic growth

We have 3 ways to help you grow:

1: Get The Roadmap Course

Our proven course for systematic revenue growth on LinkedIn, sales and internal processes. 10+ hours of practical, actionable training. 

2: Join The Community

 250+ B2B founders scaling together in a community, with access to a complete training library (100+ hours). 
 
3: Join The Accelerator

Monthly 1:1 strategy sessions with me. Providing unlimited async support, feedback and custom growth roadmap development.

Founding Member

Sales and sales management advisor for small and midsize IT business.

Expert In Residence: Sales & Sales Management

SaaS Academy

Advisor, consultant, and fractional sales executive for SaaS Academy, the largest B2B SaaS coaching & consulting program in the world.

Sales Consultant

LAW Publications

Recruited by investors to determine scalability of company and drive growth through operational and sales improvements. 

Key wins included:  
- Highest month of revenue in co.'s 45-year history
- Rebuilding of executive team
- Introduction of principles-based management culture
- Overhaul and improvement of products (including Gold Davey Award Winning product)
- Installation of company-wide CRM
- Integration of a company operating system
- Development of analytics capabilities, tools, and resources
- Professionalization of key functions in HR, production, finance, operations, and sales
- Replaced handwritten, manual processes and paperwork with automation and technology, including integration of a company-wide CRM, national rollout of iPads, installation of VOIP systems, and collaboration software.

Chief Executive Officer

U.S. Chamber of Commerce

During my career with the US Chamber of Commerce, I ascended through roles of increased scope and responsibility for the world’s largest business federation representing 3M+ businesses, associations, and organizations. 

In this role, I held primary P&L accountability for a nation-wide SME unit. I directed multiple sales and membership acquisition channels, including outside, inside, direct mail, and online sales, as well as customer services. I defined and executed the business unit’s long-term strategic direction. 

Highlights include…

~  Secured first year-over-year growth in small business membership by launching new membership model. 

~  Spearheaded initiative to boost political and special issue fundraising, which would go on to surpass membership fundraising for the first time. 

~  Increased membership engagement rates by 33x through new digital communications strategies. 

~  Relaunched Chamber’s small business online presence and deployed new digital model to acquire members.

Managing Director, Small and Midsize Business

I received a promotion to assume P&L accountability over the Chamber’s national sales and fundraising center, which oversees political fundraising, special issue fundraising, membership sales, customer service, and membership operations. 

Highlights include…

~  Achieved first revenue increase in 11 years, positioning center to become largest SME fundraising operation in the Chamber. 

~  Doubled revenue-per-sale of specific-issue fundraising by generating substantial new sales and delivering comprehensive fundraising best practice training. 

~  Fostered culture of achievement through strategic hiring, training, and motivational compensation plans.

Managing Director, National Small Business Sales & Contact Center

I advanced the company’s sales and revenue growth objectives by managing an inside sales team of the National Small Business Membership Center. In addition to recruiting, hiring, and coaching Sales Directors (as well as other sales personnel), I defined and executed sales and fundraising messaging. I managed all aspects of sales operations and quality assurance. 

Highlights include…

~  Met and surpassed ambitious sales objectives every month of tenure. 

~  Diversified and grew sales by integrating novel and innovative sales programs. 

~  Significantly enhanced sales capacity by launching recruitment and training programs to repeatedly add sales directors who performed in the upper quartile.

Division Manager, Inside Sales

Promoted three times from direct fundraising to support, manage, and lead special projects, sales divisions, and growth initiatives.

Key wins included:
- Creatively developed solutions to monetize non-paying members through partnerships with Fortune 500 companies.
- Exceeded every sales and fundraising goal.
- Supported senior management initiatives, including program to enter midmarket membership with new products, services, and offers. 
- Developed framework for the Corporate Leadership Advisory Council, a policy council for midmarket sized companies.

Fundraising - Special Projects - Corporate Relations

Various Companies

Started, sold, worked for, and advised 10+ ventures, including: 

Operating Partner - Like My Mother Does: LMMD is an entrepreneurial venture that began when the founder started making custom baby bedding on Etsy. Within months, demand dramatically exceeded capacity and the waiting list stretched almost four months long. I helped the founder turn her hobby into a boutique referral only business and discover profitability by developing financial, shipping, and inventory models; developing a pricing strategy that resulted in quadrupling prices; and updating and automating digital strategies. 

Operating Partner - After Hours Flowers: Family owned, retail florist that I co-led the turnaround of, took online, pivoted the business model away from third party wire services, and sold. 

Founder - Imagine Promotions: Founded and later sold a music promotions company that represented 20+ artists and organized  or co-organized dozens of concerts and festivals. 

Worked for and advised numerous other startups, ventures, and independent businesses.

Founder - Managing & Operating Partner Roles (RJG)

Napster (Rhapsody International)

Customer Success Specialist

Repeatable Client Acquisition & Fulfillment | Our mastermind community helps you convert online income into a real business | Book a call or DM to apply

In 2019, I walked away from the C-Suite and moved my family to a remote Mexican beach, leaving behind a successful corporate career to pursue a new path.

Prior to going out on my own, I had:

• Been recruited by private equity groups to lead turnarounds as CEO

• Spent 10 years as a senior sales executive, never missing a quota or bonus

• Received 7 promotions in 7 years, rising from sales rep to Managing Director at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the world's largest business federation

• Earned my Executive MBA and was invited to Beta Gamma Sigma as a top 20% student at a top 5% business school

• Founded and turned around several small businesses, two of which we sold

But I got tired of building other people's dreams while putting mine on hold. 

So, my wife and I extended a family vacation to Baja indefinitely, determined to build a new kind of business and lifestyle on our own terms.

As an independent consultant, I've had the pleasure of working with world-class clients like Dan Martell, the world's largest B2B SaaS coach; Robin Robins, the world's largest IT business coach; and other well-known names.

Through my company MSP Sales Partners, we help IT companies and MSPs scale sales through our fractional sales management and strategic consulting services that start with a proprietary 360º Sales Audit. 

Through my community, I coach other B2B founders through the process building and scaling their businesses. 

And through Repeatable Revenue Ventures, I lead the process of providing all the resources a select number of B2B businesses need to 3-5x their business, systematize growth, and exit--including the necessary expertise, people, and capital.

Visit www.RayJGreen.com to learn more.

Ray J. Green

Don’t confuse activity with productivity. 

If you have 1 person hitting your “100 call a day minimums” and missing quotas.

And another person missing your call activity minimums but consistently hitting your quotas.

The answer is NOT make the person hitting quotas start hitting minimum activity targets. 

It’s to figure out HOW they’re getting more output with less input—and operationalize it. 

That’ll make everything you’re doing better. 

More value from your list. 
More revenue from every unit of input. 

And your team will probably like the job better. 

So they’ll stay longer. 
Burnout less. 
And allow you to attract better people. 

Activity is just a means to the end. 

Work backwards from what you REALLY want: productivity.

CEO @ MSP Sales Partners | Helping MSP Founders Build Sales Teams That Actually Sell | Ex-PE Backed CEO | Former U.S. Chamber Managing Director

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It's Nov 12. If you're NOT going to hit your annual sales goal this year, read this. 

First, don't give up. 

The work you put in at the end of the year determines how you start the next. 

Start 2026 with momentum, regardless of where 2025 ends. 

Second, don't adjust the annual goal. 

Your goals need to have integrity. Modifying them right before you miss destroys that integrity. 

Revising goals last minute is addictive. It becomes a habit really easily, so avoid at all costs. 

Third, set a "between now and end of year" goal. 

Make it one you can actually hit. Even if it it's embarrassingly low. 

End the year on a win. 

Lastly, perform an autopsy on sales and set a 2026 goal you WILL NOT MISS come hell or high water. 

You don't want to establish a culture of missing goals. 

So take this year's learnings and apply them to make sure that doesn't happen. 

Winning is a habit. Start small and ratchet up over time.

I work out 7x a week—and have for 15+ years.

A friend just asked me what my favorite fitness books are.

I scanned my entire library.

Something interesting I learned about myself today:

I own ONE book on fitness: Tim Ferriss' 4 Hour Body. 

I bought it 15 years ago.

I thought, well let me scan my YouTube history for a recommendation.

None there either, except some bodyweight workouts I pull up while traveling.

Legitimately surprised to realize that as much as I read and learn, I don’t consume fitness content.

I’ve used the same few regimens for more than 15 years:

• Walk 6-10 miles a day
• Strength training 1-4x a week
• Jog 1-2x a week
• Eat decent (not perfect)
• Revisit a sports I love like boxing occasionally 

I’m not going to win a bodybuilding competition, spar with real fighters or place in a triathlon anytime soon.

But at 45, I feel pretty damn good about where I’m at.

Guess that one book was all I needed.

Implementation > Consumption

"𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲" is one of those things that's hard to define in business. But you definitely know a good one or a bad one when you experience it.

And it's one of the highest leverage tools you have as a leader. Because culture influences how your team communicates, executes, and ultimately how much value they add to the business.

Here are three types of cultures:

𝟭. 𝗗𝗲𝗳𝗮𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲: The owner is oblivious to the fact that culture even exists. A culture develops by default, not by design.

𝟮. 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲: The owner talks about how great the environment is, but employees have a very different perspective. Culture becomes a liability because it erodes trust.

𝟯. 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲: A leader has a vision for who the team is and how they operate. It's healthy, productive, and compels people to give discretionary effort.

Fifteen years ago, at the US Chamber of Commerce, I inherited a sales team in decline. Losing people. Missing numbers. Toxic culture.

I took one of my biggest career risks and completely changed the culture.

I fired half my team within 90 days. Created core values. Changed how we hired. Fired top salespeople who didn't align.

At first, it didn't look good. Morale was rough. Numbers kept declining.

But then the uptick started.

After the initial uptick, we never missed a goal for 10 years straight.

When I eventually left, it was one of the hardest decisions I'd made. Because I didn't want to leave the culture we'd built. 

I break down the warning signs your culture needs a turnaround and the exact 3D Framework we use at MSP Sales Partners in the full article: https://lnkd.in/e5VTC3sF

Christmas came early for me. 

I was recording a YouTube video when my cell phone rang with a cold call. 

First of all, if you know me, you know that’s weird. I keep my phone on DND permanently and it only gets turned on by accident. 

Second, I answered it. Also rare.

But best of all, this happened while I was already recording—so I just let ot run and captured the whole call on camera. 

I turned it into a video because it’s actually a good call, but there’s a handful of really common mistakes I share with you when the call is done. 

Check it out here:

Open video: https://youtu.be/2QyhQfpq0N4?si=oGSgA4ZEkejOs7Ba on youtu.be

https://youtu.be/2QyhQfpq0N4?si=oGSgA4ZEkejOs7Ba

The Art of Charm, Inc

We teach and train professionals around the globe science-based communication, leadership, and persuasion skills. You'll be able to leverage the expertise and experience of world-class coaches when it comes to sales, persuasion, and social engagement. Need to align your team and drive a unified front toward your vision? We've helped Fortune 500 CEOs with this. Need to amp up your sales game? Our team has developed proprietary sales frameworks to support just that. 

Whether you listen to our globally-recognized podcast, join our Network+ program, or come on-site for our Hollywood Bootcamp, you're joined by millions of men and women trying to accomplish the same things: increase leadership and persuasion skills, reduce social awkwardness, and optimize your ability to communicate.

Sirius XM Radio Inc.

Host, 'The Art of Charm presents: Game On' the only show completely devoted to helping you get (and keep) the girl. From 8-10pm EST on Sirius 108, XM 139.

On-Air Talent (Talkshow Host)

Build your social capital and influence ◼ Over 10,000 clients served in 17 years ◼ Co-Host and Founder, Art of Charm

🔥 Command Presence. Real Influence. No Fluff.

Already invested in coaching or leadership programs… but still feel like something’s missing?

You’ve got the credentials. The hard skills. Maybe even the title.

But if your career growth is slowing because your communication hasn’t caught up — you’re not alone.

Most professionals hit a ceiling when soft skills become the differentiator.

And that’s where I step in.

❌ The truth about most coaching:

Leadership courses? Too generic.

Corporate training? Too political.

Communication books and TED Talks? Great in theory, useless in high-stakes rooms.

You need targeted, practical coaching built around your professional world — not some academic framework.

✅ What You’ll Get Working With Me

10 hours. One-on-one. Personalized. Intensely practical.

We’ll work together to:

Decode high-stakes conversations and make your communication hit harder.

Amplify your influence in rooms filled with executives, engineers, investors, or stakeholders.

Build your “X-Factor” — a powerful personal presence that earns trust fast.

Unleash your Social Intelligence — command the room, influence anyone, and forge relationships.

You’ll never watch a video or sit through fluff. This is tactical training designed for results.

💥 Plus: Join the X-Factor Accelerator

An exclusive, implementation-based group for high performers. Inside:

Get real-time feedback from other driven professionals.

Practice frameworks in live drills.

Build executive presence and influence with accountability.

👊 My Credibility
19+ years in influence, leadership, and communication development.

10,000+ clients across tech, finance, military, and consulting.

Coached U.S. Military Special Forces & Intelligence Units.

Host of a podcast with 450M+ downloads featuring world-class scientists and performance experts.

For the Analytic Mind Turned Leader.
For the Founder Now Fundraising.
For the Operator Who Needs Buy-In Fast.

If you’ve already tried “the other stuff” and still aren’t getting the results — let’s fix it.

DM me.

Let's turn communication into your competitive advantage.

AJ Harbinger

I became a father this year.

Everything changed.

Not in some profound movie moment way.

In the quiet, terrifying, beautiful way things change when you hold a life you made and realize you get one shot at this.

I recentered everything around family.

The clients who drain me? Gone.

The projects that sound good but feel wrong? No.

The opportunities that would impress people but steal time from my daughter? Not worth it.

I spent years saying yes because I thought I had to.

Building a business. Building a brand. Building what I thought success looked like.

Then I held her for the first time and understood what I was building toward.

We dialed in our core values as a family.

Not some corporate exercise with sticky notes.

Real conversations about what matters when she asks us in ten years why we made the choices we made.

Those values gave me permission to say no.

To clients. To colleagues. To people I respect.

Saying no used to feel like failure.

Now it feels like protection.

I am not the father I want to be yet.

Not even close.

I lose my patience. I check my phone when I should be present. I think about work when I should be thinking about her.

But I know the gap now.

I see the father I want to become.

The one who shows up. Who listens. Who chooses her over everything else that screams for attention.

That clarity is the gift.

Not perfection. Direction.

This year taught me that success is not what you build for other people to see.

Success is what you protect when no one is watching.

The time. The attention. The presence.

I am grateful for my daughter.

For my wife who chose me for this.

For the clarity that comes from knowing what you would give up everything else to keep.

That is what I am thankful for this year.

You're the person everyone goes to when they need something done right.

Competent. Reliable. Always available.

And you just got passed over for the promotion again.

"I need to be more visible. Speak up more in meetings."

So you volunteer for more projects. You make yourself even MORE available.

It doesn't work.

Here's what's happening.

You fell into The Availability Trap.

You're so good at your job that you've trained everyone to see you as the person who executes, not the person who leads.

When you're always available, you signal something you don't intend to signal:

Low demand.

One client came to me after being passed over twice for a director role. 

Top performer. Always available. Always solving problems.

We changed one behavior.

Next time someone asked for his time on something non-urgent:

"I'm locked in on the Q3 analysis until Thursday. Can we connect Friday morning?"

Three things happened:

He signaled he's working on something important enough to protect.

He made his attention scarce.

He created a future touchpoint on his terms.

Within six months, he was invited into strategy conversations he'd never been part of before. Within nine months, he got the promotion.

Nothing changed about his technical skills. Everything changed about how people valued his time.

Here's the principle:

Behavioral economics shows people assign higher value to scarce resources.

When you're always available, you signal low demand.

When you're strategically unavailable, people start wondering: 

"What is he working on that's more important than this?"

That question creates status.

The formula:

Protect your calendar. 

Make your time scarce. 

They value your attention. 

Perceived authority without saying a word.

High-value people don't chase opportunities. They create demand for their time.

This week, practice strategic withdrawal once.

When someone asks for something non-urgent, protect your focus and offer a specific alternative time.

Watch how the dynamic shifts.

Be honest—how many great ideas have you talked yourself out of this week?

Top performers aren’t successful because they have better ideas.

They’re successful because they act on the ideas they already have.

The longer you think about acting, the harder it becomes to act.

Here’s how to break that cycle:

1. 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
When an idea shows up, move on it right away—send the message, write the outline, start the draft. Action builds momentum before doubt shows up.

2. 𝐒𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬
You can’t hit a target you haven’t defined. Clarity creates direction, and direction gives you something to run toward.

3. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬
Big goals feel overwhelming. Small steps feel doable. One micro-action at a time creates consistency.

4. 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞
 Leaders aren’t built by motivation. They’re built by rhythm. Give action a place in your daily routine.

5. 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
If it steals your focus, it steals your progress. Remove the noise so your mind can stay on what matters.

6. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬
Urgency turns intention into action. A simple deadline can do more than hours of planning.

7. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞
Share your goals with someone who will actually check in. Accountability turns “I’ll try” into “I will.”

8. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞
Failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the process of success. Each misstep sharpens your approach.

9. 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬
Progress compounds when you acknowledge it. Small wins keep the momentum alive.

Act now.

Success isn’t waiting for a perfect plan—just your first step.

Most people talk more when they want attention.

This is wrong.

I coached a founder who couldn't get investor meetings. She sent emails explaining her entire business: the problem, the solution, the revenue model, the traction.

People read them. They didn't respond.

We changed one thing.

Her new email said: "We solved the problem that killed your last portfolio company."

Then nothing else. No explanation. No deck attached.

Her inbox filled with replies within 48 hours.

The difference?

She understood the Curiosity Gap.

When you present complete information, you close the loop.

The brain has no reason to stay engaged.

When you create a gap between what people know and what they want to know, their brain chases the answer.

I tested this approach with three clients last quarter. All of them struggled to start conversations with senior executives.

We stopped explaining. We started creating tension.

One client changed from "We help companies reduce cloud costs by 40%" to "Your finance team is missing something before Q4."

Response rates went from 2% to 18% in 30 days.

Here's what the best communicators do differently:

They open loops instead of closing them:

"I learned something in Madrid that changed how I approach negotiations."

"There's a pattern I noticed in every failing team."

They let silence do the work:

After the statement, they pause.

They let the gap create tension.

They wait for the other person to lean in.

They reveal strategically:

The answer comes later. The conversation earns it.

Most people fill every gap with words. Their anxiety drives over-explanation.

People with presence use gaps like a tool.

They know tension creates attention.

They know curiosity creates pursuit.

They know withholding creates value.

Stop trying to explain everything in the first 30 seconds.

Start trying to create one question in their mind.

Your conversations will change.

You're networking wrong.

Most people work the room all night. Shake every hand. Stay until the lights come on.

Then nobody remembers them.

High-value operators do this instead:

Show up.

Have 3 quality conversations.

Leave early.

You were there. 

But you didn't stay until the end collecting cards.

Next event, people notice when you arrive. 

They remember you left last time.

You created scarcity around your presence.

Your time became something to compete for.

Here's why this works:

When you're at every event until midnight, you become furniture. People stop tracking your movements. Your presence loses meaning.

Strategic absence makes people ask: Where did he go? What's he working on?

The formula:

Quality conversations over quantity contacts.

Early exit over marathon attendance.

Scarcity over availability.

Your presence becomes an event.

I've watched this pattern repeat. 

The executives who attend fewer events get more opportunities.

The founders who leave early get more follow-ups.

Availability kills intrigue.

Scarcity builds value.

Stop maximizing face time.

Start maximizing impact per appearance.

I never took a leadership course.

Here's how I built a 17-Year coaching career instead.

After coaching leaders at Google, Microsoft, and Meta, I discovered something counterintuitive:

The best leaders aren't trained. They're forged through failure.

When I started Art of Charm, I had zero formal leadership education.

No MBA.

No executive training.

Just a willingness to fail spectacularly in front of paying clients.

My first corporate workshop?

A disaster.

I tried to sound like every leadership guru I'd read.

Used buzzwords I didn't believe.

Delivered frameworks I'd never tested.

The feedback was brutal: "You sound like you're reading from a textbook."

That failure taught me what no course could:

Leadership isn't about knowing the right answers.

It's about asking the right questions.

So I changed everything.

Instead of teaching theory, I started sharing failures.

Instead of perfect frameworks, I offered messy experiments.

Instead of polished presentations, I had raw conversations.

The results shocked everyone, including me.

Here's what building a coaching career without formal training taught me:

• Real expertise comes from pattern recognition across thousands of interactions, not from case studies

• Vulnerability creates more influence than authority ever could

• The leaders who transform organizations are the ones who admit they're still figuring it out

• Your biggest failures become your most valuable teaching moments

Credentials impress HR. Results impress executives.

Today, after 17 years and over 11,000 clients served, I still don't have a leadership certification.

What I do have: A methodology built from real failures, real recoveries, and real transformations.

The executives who hire me don't care about my missing MBA.

They care that I've helped thousands of leaders navigate the exact challenges they're facing.

Your formal education gets you in the room.

Your battle scars keep you there.

Stop chasing credentials. Start collecting experiences.

The market rewards practitioners, not theorists.

Great advice is worthless if no one listens.

This one shift makes people actually care.

Someone mentions a problem.

You jump in with the solution.

Smart answer. Valuable insight.

And they completely ignore it.

My analytical clients do this most. They hear a problem and immediately offer the fix.

But here's what they miss:

People don't value advice they didn't work for.

I learned this watching how interrogators extract information. 

They never give answers first. They make you earn clarity through articulation.

Here's the psychology:

When someone works before receiving value, you trigger effort justification. Their brain decides: "I invested in this answer, so it must be worth hearing."

You just made your advice 10x more valuable without changing a word.

Over the last 17 years, I've taught this to executives who wondered why their teams ignored their guidance.

The problem wasn't the advice. It was the sequence.

Most people give solutions before establishing cost. Your brain devalues anything that comes free.

Understanding that changes how you mentor, coach, and lead.

The pattern I use:

Before offering advice, extract their constraint. Make them articulate what's not working. Let them reveal their gap.

Then deliver.

When you make someone work to frame their problem, three things happen:

They clarify their actual issue (not the surface symptom). They invest attention into the conversation. They value whatever comes next.

This applies everywhere. Client meetings. Team discussions. Networking conversations.

The advice that gets ignored? The advice that came too easy.

The advice that transforms people? The advice they had to work to receive.

Stop giving away your best insights for free.

Make people pay the attention tax first.

You light up when someone compliments your work.

That reaction costs you status.

Watch what happens: 

Someone says "Great presentation." 

You smile. 

"Thank you so much! I spent hours on the data analysis and refining the visuals..."

You told them you needed their approval.

I've noticed the opposite pattern in people with influence.

They do something I call validation immunity.

Same scenario. "Great presentation."

Response: "I appreciate that."

Neutral expression. 

No expansion.

Then they shift: "What questions do you have about the timeline?"

They moved forward because their internal assessment didn't change based on someone else's opinion.

Here's what's happening underneath:

When you expand on compliments, you signal their opinion determines your value.

When you receive neutrally and redirect, you signal you already know what you did. 

Their agreement is noted. Not needed.

The formula is simple.

Compliment received. 

"I appreciate that." Shift topic.

People with influence don't need your validation.

They validated themselves before you showed up.

Ever feel guilty for your own success? 

That’s not an accident.

Someone took a shot at you recently.

A coworker saying "must be nice" when you mentioned your vacation.

A friend going "wow, you've changed" when you talked about something you're excited about.

And before you realized what happened, you were explaining yourself.

Justifying. Defending.

I used to do this constantly. Someone would throw a dig my way and I'd go into "let me prove I'm not the bad guy" mode.

It took me years to figure out what was happening.

They weren't attacking me. They were trying to pull me into their frame.

When someone goes low. When they get passive-aggressive or dismissive or condescending. They're setting a trap.

If you defend yourself, you're playing on their court. They're steering the interaction. And somehow you feel like the one who did something wrong.

The most influential people I've studied do something different.

Instead of defending or attacking back, they name what's happening.

"Sounds like my schedule is frustrating for you."
"Seems like this project landing bothered you."
"Feels like you're worried I'm pulling away."

Then they ask what the other person needs.

This short-circuits the emotional trap. You're not defending. You're leading.

After coaching over 10,000 clients on communication, I've watched this pattern play out hundreds of times.

Most people spend their lives bouncing between justifying and attacking back.

Both are low-value responses.

The third path is defining the moment instead of reacting to it.

Stop letting other people set the terms of your conversations.

Your biggest career wins can become your biggest life losses.

I've coached successful professionals for 17 years.

The pattern repeats.

Someone reaches Director level. VP. C-suite.

Launches the dream business.

Then realizes—no one to celebrate with.

Three months without investing in relationships. Six without new faces. Years without friends that mattered.

The circle closes. The world shrinks.

One client made Partner at 34. His wife left at 35. Not because of affairs. Not because of conflict.

But from choosing isolation for success.

Another built a $5M+ company by 40. Ate alone at the celebration dinner.
College friends stopped calling. Family kept distance. His network lived on LinkedIn.

He said, “I spent 15 years climbing. Nobody was there at the top.”

This isn’t rare. It’s the default for high performers.

You were rewarded for independence. Promoted for grinding harder.

The system taught you: success requires isolation.

And you got good at it. Isolation became comfort.

You normalize skipping friends.

You rationalize skipping the third place because work matters more.

One weekend becomes one month becomes three years without real talk.

The health research is brutal.

Loneliness has the same impact as smoking 20 cigarettes per day. More damaging than obesity or high blood pressure.

But you don't get to 20 cigarettes overnight. You start with one.

Then two.

Loneliness works the same way. One missed dinner. One skipped event. One "too busy" text.

The choices compound. The isolation becomes habit.

Then something breaks. A divorce. A job change. A friend gets married and chooses their family over your relationship.

That's when you notice. The social ties disappeared. The support system vanished.

The connection you postponed for "someday" never materialized.

I see this with my clients who relocated for promotions or launched startups. 

They prioritized external validation over internal fulfillment.

They built everything. They kept nothing.

The former Surgeon General called it an epidemic. Rising drug use. Mental health crises. Physical deterioration.

All traced back to the same root: we chose accomplishment over connection.

We collapsed our lives into one place. We focused on external outcomes to the detriment of our wellbeing.

Two questions will tell you if you're on this path:

When did you last invest time in building a friendship?

When did you last meet someone new outside work?

If your answer involves months or years, you're already isolated. You just haven't felt the consequences yet.

Your next promotion won't fix this. Your next revenue milestone won't solve it. Your next achievement will only make it worse.

Because the more you succeed using isolation as your strategy, the deeper you dig the hole.

Stop waiting for a major life event to force the change.

The price of external success should never be internal emptiness.

The body language cue that reveals more than words ever will.

Most people think reading body language means watching for crossed arms or eye contact.

Wrong.

FBI counterintelligence expert Joe Navarro taught me the one signal that trumps everything else.

It's called the freeze response.

Here's what it looks like:

You're delivering feedback. Negotiating. Sharing news that matters.

The person across from you suddenly goes still.

Their hands stop moving mid-gesture.

Breathing pauses.

They lock up for 2-3 seconds.

That's their limbic system taking over. You just hit something real.

Most people miss this completely because they're focused on what to say next. They keep talking, filling space, moving past the moment.

Wrong move.

The freeze is your oldest threat response. Older than fight or flight. When someone freezes, their primitive brain just overrode their conscious control.

Whatever you said landed deep.

FBI research confirms the freeze appears before any other defensive behavior. Catch it early and you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface.

Here's the play:

Deliver your point.

Spot the freeze.

Stay silent.

Let them sit in it.

They'll fill the space and reveal what actually matters.

Most professionals are terrified of silence. They rush to smooth things over, clarify, soften the blow.

That's exactly when you need to shut up and wait.

The truth emerges in those 5-10 seconds of discomfort. Not through interrogation. Through strategic silence.

You don't need to be an FBI agent to spot the freeze.

You just need to stop talking long enough to see it.

You’re one question away from being unforgettable.

Most conversations die because nobody shifts the depth.

You meet someone. Exchange pleasantries. Talk about work. Then nothing.

Here's what changes everything:

Listen for care signals.

When someone mentions what they're trying to do, don't respond with surface questions.

Ask about motivation instead.

They say: "I've been mentoring junior engineers."

Most people: "Oh, how's that going?"

You: "What made you want to do that?"

Watch them pause.

Then they tell you something real.

"Nobody did that for me. I don't want them to figure it out the hard way."

You just went from small talk to substance.

This is identity-level disclosure. You're asking WHO they are, not WHAT they do.

People remember the person who sees them.

The formula: Care signal → Motivation question → Let them go deep.

Try it this week.

You'll be the conversation they remember.

Most networking conversations die the moment they end.

You exchange cards. Promise to “stay in touch.”

Then nothing.

After coaching over 10,000 clients, I’ve learned the real problem:

You never created anything worth following up on.

Here’s what I mean:

When someone says “I’m building AI capabilities, but finding engineers who understand business is impossible” — most people respond with sympathy.

“That’s tough.”

“Yeah, hiring is brutal.”

Wrong move.

What just happened? They revealed their goal AND their constraint in one sentence.

Goal: AI capabilities.

Constraint: talent gap.

Now instead of offering to “pick your brain sometime,” do this:

“I know someone who just left a similar role. Want me to make an introduction?”

Three things just happened:

→ You proved you were listening

→ You demonstrated relevant relationships

→ You created a concrete reason to follow up

This is genuine reciprocity. Not manipulation. Just specific help that matters.

Harvard Negotiation Project research confirms it: micro-help builds trust faster than grand promises.

When you prove value within 48 hours, the relationship shifts.

They text you back.

They think of you when opportunities surface.

They actually want to stay connected.

The formula:

1. Spot their goal
2. Spot their constraint
3. Offer one specific action within two days

Not “let me think about it.”

One introduction. One article. One suggestion they can use tomorrow.

Most people leave events with cards and no next steps.

You can leave with three people who remember exactly how you helped them.

That’s the difference between collecting contacts and building relationships.

You've been climbing the wrong pyramid your entire career.

Maslow's hierarchy promised that if you checked the boxes (basic needs, safety, belonging, esteem) you'd reach self-actualization and feel complete.

The National Institutes of Health calls this "one of the most pernicious ideas in the social sciences."

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans from Stanford explain exactly why on this week's podcast.

Listen to this.

You contain more aliveness than one lifetime permits you to live.

If there's more potential inside you than you could possibly express in 80 years, and fulfillment requires living all of it, then you're chasing something mathematically impossible.

You were designed to feel incomplete.

Bill and Dave call this the "achieving brain." The mode most people operate in 99.7% of the time. Always optimizing. Always asking what else do I need to do?

Meanwhile, you miss the meaning that's already here.

Bill stopped on his way to class last week. A bush covered in blue flowers, blooming in late fall when it shouldn't. He took a picture. Tucked a flower in his notebook.

That was a meaning-making moment. Not because it was profound. Because he noticed.

Dave calls this the difference between the "transactional world" and the "flow world." Same reality, different lens. One keeps you stuck performing. The other lets you experience your life.

The shift that changes everything: Got to versus get to.

Bill used to drag himself to staff meetings he created. "I gotta go to this meeting."

Then he flipped it: "I get to work with some of the smartest people in the world trying to make the planet better."

Same meeting. Different experience.

Where you look is where you go.

Motorcycle riders know this. Stare at the ditch and you drive right into it.

Same with your career, your relationships, your entire life.

Stop climbing the pyramid.

Start noticing what's already here.

Most people think AI will kill conversation skills.

They're dead wrong.

A CEO I work with shocked me with what he now looks for in candidates:

"I don't hire based on resumes anymore. I hire based on how people handle conversation."

This matches what we've seen coaching technical professionals across Fortune 500 companies.

As AI handles more technical work, your conversation skills become your most valuable career asset.

Most professionals focus on the wrong thing. They worry AI will replace human connection when it's doing the opposite.

AI isn't eliminating conversation. It's elevating it.

Here's what happens when you understand this shift:

• AI handles data analysis while you build relationships

• Technical tasks get automated while interpersonal skills become premium

• Your ability to connect becomes your competitive advantage

A client came to me last month - brilliant software engineer, terrible at workplace communication.

We developed a framework for him to leverage AI tools to prepare for critical conversations. Instead of spending hours researching talking points, AI helped him identify connection opportunities in seconds.

Result? He navigated a promotion discussion with unprecedented confidence.

Three months later: 22% salary increase.

The professionals who thrive in the AI era understand a fundamental truth:

Technology doesn't replace human connection. It amplifies it.

Your competitive edge isn't technical expertise alone. It's how you convert that expertise into meaningful conversation.

The machines aren't coming for your job. They're coming for the parts of your job that prevent you from doing what humans do best - connect.

Stop fighting against AI. Start using it to supercharge your conversation skills.

The professionals who master this combination won't just survive.

They'll dominate.

Why do some leaders get loyalty while others get excuses?

It comes down to one thing: authority versus influence.

Authority comes from your position.
Influence comes from connection.

Authority can demand action.
Influence inspires commitment.

This difference explains why:

• Some managers get bare minimum effort, while others get discretionary energy
• Some parents get compliance while others get genuine cooperation
• Some salespeople get reluctant purchases while others get enthusiastic referrals

True influence isn’t about techniques or tactics. It’s built on a foundation of genuine connection.

And the counterintuitive key to that connection? Appropriate vulnerability.

Not oversharing. Not manufactured weakness.

But sharing your human experience authentically—enough to create bridges, not walls.

I’ve seen executives transform their leadership simply by explaining the thought process behind decisions instead of just announcing outcomes.

I’ve watched professionals strengthen client relationships by acknowledging the limits of their expertise rather than pretending to know everything.

The most influential people understand this: genuine vulnerability doesn’t diminish your impact—it amplifies it.

Because influence doesn’t come from appearing perfect.
It comes from being human in a way that allows others to connect with you authentically.

The question isn’t whether you have authority—it’s whether you’re creating the kind of connection that builds lasting influence.

What kind of connection are you creating today?

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