I care a lot about building things that are thoughtful with people’s time, attention, and energy.

I’m a technical product and engineering leader with 10+ years in software. I’ve led engineering teams, taken real ownership of messy internal systems and AI initiatives, and spent a lot of time in the unglamorous, messy middle (my favorite!) figuring out why things break, get slow, or exhaust the people using them.

Over the last few years, I’ve worked as an executive coach for engineers, PMs, and founders. This experience changed how I see organizations. It gave me a front-row seat to where work actually gets stuck. (Un)surprisingly, it's not in the tech itself, but in unclear ownership, misaligned objectives, and communication that has fallen to the wayside.

That perspective has made me sharper about trust, partnership, and how real decisions actually get made.

My free time consists of learning to hip hop dance (still terrible but still having fun, thanks for asking!) and weightlifting. I have a strong affinity for wigs. My favorite will always be when I dressed up as Estelle from the Golden Girls.

Sarah Ing

I love making things and meeting people. 👋 carlyvalancy.com

I started my career as a broadway performer, wedding singer, and sketch comedy writer, which is where I first found a love for niche communities and creative people. From consultant to course creator, marketer to podcaster, community builder to horoscope writer (yes), there is nothing I believe in more than the way one person leads you to the next.

Now I build products and experiences that help people find their people.

Carly Valancy

this weekend I spent two days in a mansion with Greg Isenberg and a bunch of founders building some of the most wild and interesting businesses. 

I was absolutely the earliest stage founder there. for more than a few moments I wondered if I even belonged there at all. 

but I showed up because there is nothing I believe in more than the way one person can lead you to the next.

I was introduced to Greg through Sari Azout. Sari and I got connected over email by gabriel nessim schloser. Gabe and I met at Will Mannon's event, which I went to because David Nebinski told me to. 

in the moments where I felt insecure or out of place, I thought about the unique privilege I had to be the person in the room with the most to learn. and the incredible chain of connections that got me there in the first place.

go to the thing!! reach out to the person!!! put yourself in positions to be uncomfortable (in a safe way <3) enough to learn.

Founder of TETHER 🌱 & Reach Out Party 🎉 | Co founder of Momentum 🌤️ Building products, communities, and experiences that help people find their people. I write about connection on Substack.

one of my favorite discoveries on LinkedIn in 2025 was Max Pete's ALL CAPS TUESDAY, where he screams something enlightening at me every Tuesday. 

I want to experiment with my own version this year and it starts now. every tuesday i'm going to share a quick tip i'm experimenting with to break the box of traditional networking and make connections with more depth. 

01. when I send a scary email, I almost always start with the sentence, “listen, here is what I really want to say to you:” and then I delete it when I’m done. it is the best way I've found to get away from the small talk we’re wired to start with.

i'm crowd sourcing a name for this segment and the best I have is "just the tip tuesday" so essentially I need serious help.

one of my personal goals for my networking practice is to create cool experiences for my family and last week probably the coolest thing ever happened. 🥹

we celebrated our son’s first birthday with a Formula 1 themed party sponsored by 10 incredible brands: Nûby™, Bobbie, Little Spoon, Pura Vida Miami, TREMBLE, Aquachamps Swim School, Foxy Brown, JB&C, Women's Wellness Center, and La Vodega Market. 

when I had the idea to reach out to our favorite businesses and ask them to be a part of this, I thought they would think I was insane and that absolutely no one would say yes. but I had to try anyway !!! if nothing else it would be a cool story to tell him one day. 

raising a baby takes a village. initially I thought that village would just be made up of family and friends, but so much of it has included the people behind the products, food, and experiences that have helped us navigate everything from postpartum to the endless amount of “firsts” we’ve experienced this year.

I literally cannot believe how many incredible brands not only said yes to this silly request, but were absolutely delighted to be a part of it. 

I also cannot believe how many genuine connections I made with businesses I love. (mark my words Cait Sullivan and I are going to work on something together one day)

networking doesn’t just have to be for professional gain. it can be fun and silly and weird. reaching out in service of your personal life and personal goals can open your eyes to possibilities you would have never considered before.

[I’ve learned a weird about about finding really aligned partnerships, both professionally and personally in the past couple of months. I'm going to break this down more in a series of posts over the next week, but if you cannot wait, there is an essay in the comments w your name on it. <3]

my first year as a parent has gone impossibly fast. this time has broken and healed me in every literal and figurative way possible.

I am endlessly grateful for our village, our friends and family, and the global and local brands that are responsible for carrying us through this first year. thank you, thank you, thank you. 🥹

update from 100 days of reaching out. I made it to day 50, i’m half way through.

this challenge is an experiment in prioritizing connection when I don’t have the time for it. I have a full life. I have a busy career and friends and a toddler. slightly masochistic, yes, but I have the strong belief that this practice may be the thing that sets my future-self up for success more than anything else.

data (very pleased with the data!!):
- response rate (positive) is currently 64%, rejection rate is currently 24%, ghost rate is currently 12%

insights (stuff I generally know to be true, but am experiencing in real time):
- the conversations I expect to be the most useful rarely are. the connections I make that seem random have been the most joyful and generative.
- it will always be scary to reach out to someone you admire. it will always be scary to ask, but with enough reps, it starts to feel kind of good like when sore after a workout.
- the worst outcome is never as bad as your brain predicts. most people are flattered to be reached out to. and even when they’re not, you survive and they forget.
- the best outcomes are beyond what you can imagine. not because they’re dramatic, but because it feels like you have a direct hand in engineering the kind of serendipity that feels too good to be true. 🥲 

process (how i'm managing the journey itself):
- I find that I oscillate in two extremes and am almost never neutral. I’m either like, this is so fun and cool and wow look at all the possibilities, or this is absolute hell and it’s so hard and why the hell did I publicly commit to doing this. but there i am, right in the middle, slightly breathless but still moving along!!

ultimately, i'm afraid to report that the hardest, and the most rewarding part, isn't all of the cool outcomes, but it's the practice itself. 🌱

JUST THE (NETWORKING) TIP TUESDAY: (thank you to those of you who lovingly bullied me into naming this series. if I wasn't sure I was in the right corner of LinkedIn before, I am now <3)

if you're trying to get better at sending scary emails, try breaking all the rules that make you feel like you are performing or faking it. you’ll find the best connections when you are reaching out in a way that is the full expression of yourself.

if you’re weird and embarrassing be weird and embarrassing. if you hate small talk, replace it with something niche or random. you will not only get better results, but also fall in love with sending scary emails itself because you can be yourself.

i’ve been doing a lot of events and workshops with communities I admire lately and I cannot believe how lucky I am to call this my work… life is about who you know. It really really is. 

networking is not a means to an end, it is a creative practice. one that takes intention and skill and dedication. 

over the next few weeks I am lucky enough to be bringing the work behind Reach Out Party to Sublime, Ness Labs, Harvard University, and The Shea Center at Boston College. 

i want to do more of it.

if you lead a community or are a part of one, if you have connections at MBA and MFA programs and are looking for a more meaningful approach to finding your people, bring me to your leader.

JUST THE (NETWORKING) TIP TUESDAY ! (this is one of my favorite tips to remind myself of over and over (and over) again). 

the Stereotype Content Model is a Princeton study that basically says we assess others on warmth and competence (in that order).

within milliseconds of connecting, we are trying to answer these two questions:
1. do I trust you?
2. do I respect you?

most people get networking wrong just because they are flipping the order by trying to prove their competence first. 

of course reaching out to people feels gross and fake when you're trying to present the most successful or buttoned up version of yourself, when in reality you're probably anxious and overstimulated. 

and of courrrrrse being reached out to feels weird and off putting when, on top of already being tired and distracted, you're wondering what the ulterior motive of this email or dm is.

both not ideal feelings to feel when trying to cultivate a meaningful connection.

if you want to connect with people in a way that doesn't feel gross, try focusing on sincerity and totally deprioritize the impressive stuff: drop the act and take a breath! approach people with genuine curiosity. admit when you don't know how to do something. be honest about what you're still learning. ask the questions you actually want to know the answer to, even and especially when they're not the ones you're supposed to ask. hell, use two exclamation points!!

the best connections (the ones that really change your life) are all built on warmth, first.

I am not a type A person, except every wednesday I do this type A thing that frees me from digital chaos and makes my inbox feel so stunning-gorgeous. i'm always amazed at how something so boring can bring so much joy and peace. 

ok so I check my email sporadically throughout the week, but I let it get really messy. then, on wednesday afternoons, I make a little cup of tea and set a timer for 20 mins to organize and sort it. 

I tag specific messages that I need to close the loop on or want to have quick access to and then archive everything.

categories are:
🫵 Carly, respond - seems obvious
🙏 Waiting patiently - reminds me to follow up if I don’t get a response for ~1 month. I really only use this one for time sensitive reach outs.  
‼️ Important - also seems obvious
🌱 Something about them - I feel like I use this when there is no immediate action to take but I want to keep someone top of mind. 
🪩 Good for reference - this one is for newsletters, or ideas, that I don’t want to lose in the hell hole of my inbox.

I used to use fancy tools that would do this for me, but there is something about creating your own categories, systems, and routines around cleaning that just feels so gratifying.

JUST THE (NETWORKING) TIP TUESDAY ! 

when you're sending a scary email, instead of focusing on the fear of rejection or judgment, start wondering: what's the best that could happen? 🥹 

Taylor Harrington 🎉 joined an original cohort of the Reach Out Party in 2020. what started as a 27 day accountability group has developed into a two month mastermind dedicated to creating the systems and practices that will change your relationship to networking forever. 

for the person who already has a network and already has a life that feels busy and overstimulating, but who still feels the tug in their gut like there is moreeee this is the place for you.

Head of Community @ Dreamers & Doers 🥳 I design experiences that make it easier for people to become fast friends + dream boldly 🎤 Speaker & Facilitator 500x, Pod Guest 40x 💖 Prev: Seth Godin’s team + Groove

This is the story of one of the best emails I’ve ever written. ⬇️

It’s Spring 2020. I’m in my childhood bedroom, missing people, plans, and fun things to do.

So, I joined something called “the Reach Out Party”.

The concept was simple. Reach out to 1 person a day for 27 days. They could be someone I knew, an author I admired, a friend I hadn’t talked to in years.

I didn’t know what would come of being part of this, but I was craving momentum at a time when life felt like it was on pause.

There’s this feeling of intense possibility that comes with putting yourself out there…whether it’s in an email or posting here on LinkedIn.

That wondering of, ”What’s the best that could happen?” It's a bit addicting.

And, I believed in the magic of reaching out 🪄

Soooo, I signed up ✅

The first few days felt easy. I reached out to “obvious” people. People I had been thinking, “I should catch up with them”.

But, after a few days, I had to dig deeper. I sat with the question, “Who are the people who, whether they realize it or not, have given me permission and encouragement to be myself?”

I thought of my third-grade teacher.

Somehow, at age 8, I convinced her that some days during recess, it would be nice to hang out in the classroom and make art and write, instead of going outside. She said, yes.

🚪The backdoor of our classroom spilled right out onto the black top, so she'd leave it open, and a little crew of us would hang inside, writing and illustrating books to the sound of Four Square being played a few yards away.

We didn’t do this every day, but she made it feel ok—and celebrated—to carve out time for creativity.

Later in life, I, of course, realized that by doing this, she was literally giving up half of her lunch break, quiet time away from us kids. And, yet, she helped make my dream happen.

So, I emailed her. 16 years later. To say thank her for gifting me that time.

And, apparently, I found the right address, because she emailed back.

And, you better believe, every little part of me was excited to hear that she not only remembered me, but also remembers joking with my parents at a parent-teacher conference that (even though I was 8 years old!), I was the kind of person she could chit-chat with all day, over coffee or a glass of wine ☕️

And, I gotta say, not only is that hilarious, but it’s the most me thing! Today, I’m basically a professional chitchatter...who encourages people to make their big creative dreams happen 😂

One of the greatest gifts we can give someone is thanking them for the impact they’ve had on our lives 💞 It’s so easy not to slow down and name who has helped us believe in ourselves, through tiny acts, big moments, or powerful words.

So, yes, that was one of the best emails I’ve ever written, and I have Carly Valancy and her Reach Out Party to thank for the container to send it.

If you’re curious about what might happen when you reach out, check out the party (it's back!!!) 💌

I dare ya to thank someone today!

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The Battle

Sarah Ing

Carly Valancy

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The Battle

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Performance Score.css-goub6s{font-size:var(--chakra-fontSizes-md);font-weight:500;color:var(--chakra-colors-gray-600);display:block;margin-top:var(--chakra-space-1);}Carly Valancy's LinkedIn Performance

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