GetFUCCD 

Stand out in the sea of boring. We have you covered (literally)

Fly AF T-shirts, artwork and apparel
Why have ordinary when you can have extra ordinary? 

If you aren’t using T-shirts to market your brand, you’re missing out on a golden opportunity! 
These bad boys are like walking billboards, giving your business the exposure it deserves

Is your personal life a snooze fest? Who needs a personality when you have an original design T-shirt?

Creative Director

Vampire Digital

Mortals! 

I'm about to reveal my 3 mind-blowingly scandalous roles at Vampire Digital

1. Dark Arts Designer 🦇:

Blending graphic design skills with the vampire boss's twisted aesthetic

Visually stunning graphics that'll make your skin crawl, in a good way...

Including badass logos, banners, carousels promotional materials that'll give you nightmares

Our clients' brands stand out like a goth kid at a summer beach party!

2. Engagement Siren and Enchantress🦇:

Prepare to be seduced! 

I'm the mastermind behind casting a spell of intrigue and allure on our clients' brands

As the Engagement Siren & Enchantress, I concoct wicked strategies to keep the audience hooked on our clients' shit

Making them crave more like bloodsuckers at a never-ending buffet

Get ready to be enchanted, mortals! 

Just remember, the neck-biting action is strictly reserved for the boss lady, who's a total babe, by the way 

Talk about a workplace with some serious bite!

3. Content Conjurer 🦇:

Hold on to your holy water, 

I'm also a content creator at Vampire Digital

As the Conjurer, I conjure up mind-blowing and spine-tingling content that gives our vampire boss a raging... enthusiasm

Captivating stories, spine-chilling images, and brew bone-chilling videos that resonate with our clients target audience

We'll build a cult-like following and maintain a mysterious online presence

Ensuring our clients' brands are scarier than a naked werewolf with a full moon

The Undead Team

LINKOLN

I happen to be the sole British person running on GMT time

So Linkoln generally deal with a half-asleep version of me most of the time

Sorry, not sorry

Honestly, I have no clue what day it is

My brain operates on a wonderfully chaotic schedule that only makes sense to me

But who needs to know the day when you have the Linkoln team to keep you on your toes? 

They're the absolute best, and I'm head over heels in love with them

Figuratively, of course. I mean, I'm not that weird... or am I?

The big boss man Jeff, is an absolute legend

Puts up with my never-ending supply of stupid jokes and random, totally inappropriate photoshopped pictures of him 

He may not always appreciate it, but deep down, I know he secretly loves it

Or maybe he's just too polite to say otherwise

Either way, it's all in good fun, right?

That's what he signed up for when he hired me

It's not my fault I'm hilarious

Freelance Copywriter

Chasing January 

•	Creative director and business manager
•	E-business and website management
•	Artisan of jewellery and clothing.
•	Use of CAD- (Cutter and plotter, Corel Draw) 
•	Freelance Graphic Designer, Decal Fitting
        and Early Years Sensory Artist

⛔️WARNING⛔️: Contains an out-of-the-box thinker, dangerously creative writer and a content ideas generator 💡. Known to cause mischievous mayhem. Proceed at your own risk 🚩

Oh, I see you're ready to add some flavour to your dry ass social media game! 🌶

Good thing you found me, the expert in all things MOIST💦

Let's infuse your online presence with creativity, humour, and a touch of mischief 😘

With my help, we'll make your social media the envy of all your friends and more importantly your haters

Need an ideas generator? 💡 I am a lightning bolt of creativity, striking with a thousand bright ideas ⚡️

We'll use graphics, GIFs, and all kinds of juicy visuals to make your content pop

And don't worry, your copy will be as sharp as your mother-in-laws tongue

Let's craft words that are so witty, even your grumpy weird uncle will crack a smile... but also keep him at arms length ✋️🫷

Plan campaigns that are as viral as an STD, but much more enjoyable 😉 

So, are you ready for this adventure? 

We're about to make your social media presence as unforgettable as that one time you got drunk and sang karaoke in front of everyone

You still overthink that don't you?...

Need a rebrand? I got you boo ❤️ 

New banner? I am there for you too! 🖤

Blog for your website? You bet, I am all over it, like white on rice 🍚 

So, what are you waiting for? Slide on into my DMs 🍆

Oh no, someone accused me of posting for attention....

Instead of the noble pursuit of posting to be ignored entirely

💅

Stephanie Jane 🦤

WARNING ⛔️ Dangerously Creative Writer 🤏🏼 Unhinged Content & Design Goblin 🐐 Comment Marketer & Meme Manager 🔝 Top 1% (of wot thou?) 🚩 Fuelled by Caffeine ☕️& Tears 💧 Human first, professional by accident.

If I could give younger women one piece of advice, it’s this:

Be intentional about who you share your life with

Whether you want children or never want children the person you choose will shape your peace, your safety, your freedom, your mental health, and your future

Pay attention to the small things

The tone
The entitlement
The way they handle “no”
How they speak about you, women, responsibility, accountability

These things don’t get better with time they get louder

No relationship, with or without kids, should feel like a war you didn’t sign up for

No one should drain you, control you, or make daily life feel like a survival exercise

Choose slowly
Choose wisely
Choose someone who adds to your life rather than taking pieces of it

And if you don’t want children at all?

That is also a valid and powerful choice sometimes the safest one

Your future is longer than your feelings in the moment

Protect it
Protect you

It’s that time of year again

The flu is going around

Germs are fast, and everyone’s suddenly pretending they definitely wash their hands properly

So here’s your friendly reminder:

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗼𝗮𝗽 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗹𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗺𝘀

Just a little squeeze
A modest pump

No need to go overboard or empty the whole bottle in a moment of… enthusiasm

What matters is technique

You’ve got to get it warm, work it between your hands, really get into all the nooks and crannies

Fast, frantic scrubbing rarely gets the job done

Steady, deliberate motion is far more effective

And please, for the love of public health:

Don’t forget the underside
Don’t ignore the tip
Don’t pretend the back doesn’t exist

Flu germs hide everywhere

𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗶𝗽𝘀:

💦𝗖𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵
Preferably with something protective

Nobody wants unexpected spray all over them... we’re trying to prevent infections, not create new ones

👊𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗻
You never know what you’ve touched,
what’s touched you,
or what’s touched that person who touched the thing you just touched

💦𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗵𝘆𝗱𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱
You want your immune system standing tall, not… wilting under pressure

And if you do start feeling under the weather

Stay home, rest, and avoid close contact

Not everyone wants something that’s spreading itself around the whole town

Stay safe this season
Stay healthy

And remember:

A little soap goes a long, long way…
Even if some people insist otherwise

If you’re selling a course on how to make a course about how to make money....

When the ONLY person making any money
is you…

You’re not an entrepreneur
You’re a parasite

And if your entire business model relies on targeting people who are broke, stressed, vulnerable, and looking for a lifeline

Then yes, I mean this with my whole chest

I hate you

Not dislike
Not “morally concerned”

Hate

Because telling struggling people
“you’re just not trying hard enough”
while you charge them £997 for recycled nonsense should be criminal

You are not empowering anyone
You’re preying on them

If you felt even a tiny sting reading this,
congratulations, it was about you

Everyone else, have a lovely day

I make jokes on here

I poke fun at politics, the news, my own life, my disastrous dating history, sometimes my questionable snack choices 

You might agree with me, you might think I’m painfully stupid.... 

Both are fine, genuinely

Because that’s kind of the point of LinkedIn for me:

🎈Debate
🎈Conversation
🎈Learning things you didn’t know

Being told you’re wrong, going away, Googling for 20 minutes, coming back like,

“Yeah… fair enough actually.”

That’s growth
That’s the fun of it

What I don’t do, and what I won’t tolerate, is people skipping the entire conversation and jumping straight into the bargain-bin insults

The “let me attack your body because I can’t attack your argument” type

It’s the lowest form of wit, possible only for people whose charisma fell behind the fridge and has been gathering dust since 2014

And before anyone screams HYPOCRISY!

YES

I’ve slipped once

There was a man on here whose entire personality was attacking women’s appearances, and I responded by doing the same back

And honestly? I regret it

Not because he didn’t deserve to be drop-kicked into the sun

He did

But because personal attacks are cheap

Low
Lazy

The comedic equivalent of turning up to a fight with a plastic spoon

I’m absolutely here for people disagreeing with me

Tell me I’m wrong
Tell me I’ve not researched something

Genuinely... love that for us

But I’m a real person

And if the best contribution you can make to a discussion is, “lol ur fat” 

Then congratulations....you’ve told me absolutely nothing about me and everything I need to know about you

My posts are meant to make people laugh, or think, or argue

So if you disagree? 
Amazing

🎈Reply
🎈Debate
🎈Educate me

I will debate you, challenge you, roast your content, roast your logic, roast your opinions…

But I’m not here to roast anyone’s body

Ever

I’m here to laugh, to learn, to chat nonsense, to be wrong sometimes

And to enjoy this weird professional-not-professional platform

If you can handle that?

Welcome
Pull up a chair

If you can’t?

There’s a thriving ecosystem of comment sections on the Daily Mail website that desperately need your energy

BREAKING: Donald Trump is suing the BBC 

Because he claims they “misrepresented” something he said

Which is adorable, because over here in the UK we’ve spent the last decade trying to figure out if he’s ever said anything representable in the first place

I don’t know what the BBC supposedly did...

Spliced together audio?

Stitched clips and rearranged his sentences like a toddler making a ransom note out of cereal box letters?

Trying to misrepresent Trump is impossible, the original material already arrives pre-scrambled

The man talks like someone trying to lie while his brain’s still downloading the rest of the story

You could put one of his real speeches through Google Translate → Latin → Welsh → Klingon → back to English, and it would STILL be more coherent than the original

The BBC could broadcast 30 seconds of him going:

“Uh… many people are saying… tremendous… China… very unfair…”

And that would be 100% accurate representation

His sentences turn to soup on their own

And the whole of the UK just collectively went:

“Yep. Sounds right”

Not even surprised
Not even blinked
Just carried on making a brew

Whether he’s suing the Beeb, Sainsbury’s self-checkout, or the weather, we all know the truth

90% of his speeches sound like someone tried to summon a demon but forgot the last page of the instructions

Good luck with the lawsuit, Donnie

We’ll be over here, making memes and pretending the BBC didn’t secretly enjoy this

Every December I’m reminded why parents age like bananas left in a hot car


Because this tiny little plastic pèrveŕt expects the nightly kind of physical contact I wouldn’t give a man I actually LIKE

𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟭: Move the elf
(He stares at you like he wants you to pick him up... It’s unsettling)

𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟮: Whisper-swear aggressively 

𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟯: Question why you’re being manipulated by an 8-inch toy with the sexual energy of a man who says "𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱?” at 3am

𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟰: Put him somewhere “magical,” even though we all know he’s just going to sit there with that smug little face like “𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸"


-----------


The only diçk in a box around here is this little creep when I shove him back in storage on January 1st

P.S. if you dont get the Lonely Island reference we can't be friends

I don’t get visited by festive joy when Christmas music starts

I get visited by Mariah Carey, my seasonal sleep paralysis demon, belting in my face while my brain short-circuits like a Poundland fairy light

Every year I try, I really do

I’ll walk into a shop thinking, “maybe this time I’ll feel Christmassy”

The speakers crackle, the first note hits

And it’s the same sensation as when you accidentally set your phone alarm to max volume and it wakes you up

The other day I was shopping like a normal adult, and before I even reached self-checkout I heard that first high note from "All I want for Christmas is you"

I saw Mariah in the freezer aisle, shimmering, glowing, drifting toward me like a festive banshee

She held that note until my nervous system rebooted

Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like being sonically waterboarded by a woman who defrosts annually to ruin my ability to function in public

Is this an ADHD thing?

Like… having one specific song that causes actual physical pain?

Or is this just me vs Mariah in an eternal December death match?

If there’s one thing on Linkedin (and in life) that pushes me right over the edge

It's fake positivity

You know the posts...

✨ “We all have the same 24 hours!”

💪 “Just prioritise yourself!”

🖕 “I built a multi-7-figure empire while raising 6 kids, training for a marathon, what’s YOUR excuse?”

My excuse?
Reality

Insane concept, apparently

Some people aren’t “failing” because they lack discipline or sparkle mindset energy

Some people are juggling chronic illness, family emergencies, lack of sleep, trauma, and 47 responsibilities that don’t magically disappear because a stranger on the internet told them to “just push harder”

Sometimes your business struggles because life punched you in the face

Sometimes you’re not a size six because survival took priority over salads

Sometimes the reason someone else is “crushing it” is not because they’re a demi-god of productivity…
…but because they’re a selfish tŵàt who happily puts everyone else last

Yet here they are, standing on their motivational soapbox like the 'High Priest of Hustle' telling the rest of us we simply need “grit"

No

Some people need support, not lectures

Some people need rest, not another carousel on “elite mindset”

And some people just need everyone to stop pretending they live in the same fantasy universe where life never punches them in the kidneys

I’m not anti-positivity
I’m anti-bullshìt

If you’re doing your best while life is aggressively punching with in your Bajingo

You’re doing enough
You’re doing better than enough

And if you’re one of the “I did it so you can too!!” pep talk parade 

Respectfully
Not everyone has the privilege of being a selfish cű🙅‍♀️t babe 💅

FUN FACT

Your stomach acid is strong enough to dissolve razor blades

Thankfully your stomach lining regenerates faster than your will to live

Have a good evening 

K, fanks 

Bye 👋

taplio

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