GetFUCCD 

Stand out in the sea of boring. We have you covered (literally)

Fly AF T-shirts, artwork and apparel
Why have ordinary when you can have extra ordinary? 

If you aren’t using T-shirts to market your brand, you’re missing out on a golden opportunity! 
These bad boys are like walking billboards, giving your business the exposure it deserves

Is your personal life a snooze fest? Who needs a personality when you have an original design T-shirt?

Creative Director

Vampire Digital

Mortals! 

I'm about to reveal my 3 mind-blowingly scandalous roles at Vampire Digital

1. Dark Arts Designer 🦇:

Blending graphic design skills with the vampire boss's twisted aesthetic

Visually stunning graphics that'll make your skin crawl, in a good way...

Including badass logos, banners, carousels promotional materials that'll give you nightmares

Our clients' brands stand out like a goth kid at a summer beach party!

2. Engagement Siren and Enchantress🦇:

Prepare to be seduced! 

I'm the mastermind behind casting a spell of intrigue and allure on our clients' brands

As the Engagement Siren & Enchantress, I concoct wicked strategies to keep the audience hooked on our clients' shit

Making them crave more like bloodsuckers at a never-ending buffet

Get ready to be enchanted, mortals! 

Just remember, the neck-biting action is strictly reserved for the boss lady, who's a total babe, by the way 

Talk about a workplace with some serious bite!

3. Content Conjurer 🦇:

Hold on to your holy water, 

I'm also a content creator at Vampire Digital

As the Conjurer, I conjure up mind-blowing and spine-tingling content that gives our vampire boss a raging... enthusiasm

Captivating stories, spine-chilling images, and brew bone-chilling videos that resonate with our clients target audience

We'll build a cult-like following and maintain a mysterious online presence

Ensuring our clients' brands are scarier than a naked werewolf with a full moon

The Undead Team

Reputyz Creators

As the official Pet Idiot at Reputyz, my role goes far beyond the conventional content creation, writing, and design

While I may be proficient in engaging narratives and captivating visuals, my true talent lies in being an expert at providing chaos to the Reputyz team

On any given day, my colleagues graciously put up with my antics

Serving as both mentors and babysitters

From untangling my creative ideas to preventing me from getting distracted by cat videos, they truly deserve medals for their patience and perseverance

Despite my title as a "Pet Idiot," I occasionally manage to contribute some actual work to the company
 
Whether it's writing compelling copy, designing eye-catching graphics, or brainstorming innovative ideas amidst the chaos I create

After all, even a Pet Idiot occasionally stumbles upon strokes of brilliance

Pet Idiot 

LINKOLN

I happen to be the sole British person running on GMT time

So Linkoln generally deal with a half-asleep version of me most of the time

Sorry, not sorry

Honestly, I have no clue what day it is

My brain operates on a wonderfully chaotic schedule that only makes sense to me

But who needs to know the day when you have the Linkoln team to keep you on your toes? 

They're the absolute best, and I'm head over heels in love with them

Figuratively, of course. I mean, I'm not that weird... or am I?

The big boss man Jeff, is an absolute legend

Puts up with my never-ending supply of stupid jokes and random, totally inappropriate photoshopped pictures of him 

He may not always appreciate it, but deep down, I know he secretly loves it

Or maybe he's just too polite to say otherwise

Either way, it's all in good fun, right?

That's what he signed up for when he hired me

It's not my fault I'm hilarious

Freelance Copywriter

Chasing January 

•	Creative director and business manager
•	E-business and website management
•	Artisan of jewellery and clothing.
•	Use of CAD- (Cutter and plotter, Corel Draw) 
•	Freelance Graphic Designer, Decal Fitting
        and Early Years Sensory Artist

⛔️WARNING⛔️: Contains an out-of-the-box thinker, dangerously creative writer and a content ideas generator 💡. Known to cause mischievous mayhem. Proceed at your own risk 🚩

Oh, I see you're ready to add some flavour to your dry ass social media game! 🌶

Good thing you found me, the expert in all things MOIST💦

Let's infuse your online presence with creativity, humour, and a touch of mischief 😘

With my help, we'll make your social media the envy of all your friends and more importantly your haters

Need an ideas generator? 💡 I am a lightning bolt of creativity, striking with a thousand bright ideas ⚡️

We'll use graphics, GIFs, and all kinds of juicy visuals to make your content pop

And don't worry, your copy will be as sharp as your mother-in-laws tongue

Let's craft words that are so witty, even your grumpy weird uncle will crack a smile... but also keep him at arms length ✋️🫷

Plan campaigns that are as viral as an STD, but much more enjoyable 😉 

So, are you ready for this adventure? 

Buckle up because we're about to make your social media presence as unforgettable as that one time you got drunk and sang karaoke in front of everyone

You still overthink that don't you?...

Need a rebrand? I got you boo ❤️ 

New banner? I am there for you too! 🖤

Blog for your website? You bet, I am all over it, like white on rice 🍚 

So, what are you waiting for? Slide on into my DMs 🍆

My flaming hot cheetos addiction is getting out of hand🔥...


I literally just skipped breakfast and ate them instead

My brain does this to me on occasion

I used to have a pretzel addiction before this....

----❤️

That is all I have to say today...

I am trying to post more regularly but I am also running off flaming hot cheetos... so my content pool is in the dust

Cheeto dust

Here...

Have a selfie, have like 8

Treat yourself!

#somuchvalue #somuchwow
#sendhelporcheetos 

Stephanie Jane W.

Life is like diving into a tub of flaming hot cheetos 🔥🧀


It's a spicy experience that leaves you with more than just cheesy fingers

Sometimes, that fiery cheeto dust finds its way into your eyes and other... sensitive areas


Ouchie 👁👁
                 O


Eventually the pain subsides, leaving only the memory of the burn and maybe a few red marks

—-- ♡

My life has been one wild cheeto bath for years

I've had to fight tooth and nail to keep myself safe

Prove I'm not crazy (trying & failing at times)

And all the while, handle all the boring adult stuff

You know, bills to pay, supporting tiny humans - the works

I can't collapse on the couch, eat cheetos, and cry into a glass of wine

Nope, life doesn't allow for that luxury

—-♡

I've endured unimaginable pain and abuse

Treated worse than an animal

BUT - I'm bound to silence

Forced to speak in riddles and cheeto baths

Because if I don't, the legal implications would undo all the hard work I've put into fighting for my voice to be heard

It's frustrating, you know? 

I've lived through experiences that could save lives, quite literally

Yet, countless women are forced to keep their mouths shut and suffer in silence

All to protect the very people who caused their suffering in the first place

It's a messed up cycle that never seems to end

—--♡

But here's the thing: I'm not the type to just let things slide

No, I'm angry and sad, and I refuse to believe this is how it ends

I'm stuck in a world that allows evil to thrive

Where women are used, abused

And expected to brush themselves off as if nothing ever happened

And God forbid they break…

Because then they're labelled as mentally incompetent and weak

—-♡

Well, let me tell you, I am anything but weak

I may be angry and sad, but I'm also resourceful

I'll find the loopholes

Think outside the box, and speak in riddles to make my voice heard

My squirrel brain will figure it all out, as it always does

And I won't stop there

I'll use my growing social media presence to help and support other women who need my help

—-♡

So, yeah, life may be a cheeto-filled, spicy mess

But I refuse to let it define me

I'll fight, I'll speak out

And I'll be there for others who have endured similar pain

—-♡

Together, we'll rise above the ashes and show the world that no amount of spicy cheeto dust can keep us down!


Reasons to hit the gym that aren't patriarchal beauty standards:


-   Outrun the police

-   Outlive your enemies

-   Run away from your problems faster

-   More stamina for sex

-   Actually sleep at night

-   Get strong to fight bad people

-   Lift heavy things for no reason 

-   Listen to music without people annoying you

-   More chance of surviving a horror movie "running away" scence

-   Have the ability to effortlessly carry all your shopping bags at once 

-   Increase your chance of winning random arm wrestling competitions

-   Be able to flex on social media 

-   Increase your chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse 

-   Discover the joy of eating guilt free

-   Prove that you can lift more than your ex

-   Outrun Jacob Schwer 



I do not exist to be viewed


To be considered sexy, desirable...

-----♡

I am but a vessel for cheetos 

And that is valid



Live each day as if everyone loves you...


Because self-delusion is underrated as a coping mechanism 

LinkedIn Top Writing Voice 💡


Oh, look at me, I'm a freakin 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 in my field 

(holding back the voms)...🤮

So, do I get a fancy crown or some shizz? 👑

Because, honestly, I deserve one....

I might just make one out of cheeto packets

-----

But before I bask in the glory of my self-proclaimed greatness, let me take a moment to thank my engaged audience - 

The poor souls who actually wasted their time connecting with me and engaging with my bullshirt🐂👔 collaborative articles

🌟You guys are the real MVPs🌟

Not that tinfoil crown of a "𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗱𝗴𝗲" that LinkedIn bestowed upon me

-----

Apparently, my voice is considered:

 "𝘢 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘲𝘶𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩."

Yeah, right

Thanks to Google and AI tools for making me sound smarter than I actually am 

Hail to the Chad GPT and squirrel brains!

-----

Now, as the newly crowned "LinkedIn Top Voice" (because I said so)

I decree that my loyal followers must abide by the following rules:

1️⃣. 🐿 Forgive your enemy, but make sure you remember that bàśtard's name, address, and phone number

You know, just in case you need to send them a glitter bomb or an army of angry squirrels

2️⃣. 🐿"Because I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason for anything

Screw explanations and societal expectations

If you don't feel like doing something, just say it loud and proud

No one can argue with that level of apathy

3️⃣.🐿 Forget about that five-year plan cráp

Your only goal can be "just to make it through this year." 

Life's too unpredictable for long-term plans anyway

Plus, who needs goals when you can just wing it and hope for the best?

4️⃣.🐿 Some things are better left unsaid, but who gives a dàmn? 

Say them anyway and enjoy the chaos that follows

Stir the pot

There's nothing more entertaining than watching the world burn because of your unfiltered honesty

5️⃣.🐿Set boundaries because audacity is at an all-time high

Don't let anyone step on your toes or invade your personal space

You're the boss here

Assert your dominance and let the world know that you won't tolerate any BS

6️⃣.🐿 If someone comes at you with a weapon, I will greet them with an even bigger weapon

No one messes with the LinkedIn Top Voice and gets away with it

Metaphorically, of course

We don't actually condone violence here

7️⃣.🐿 And lastly, if you think money can't buy happiness, you're clearly not spending it right

Treat yourself

Money may not solve all your problems, but it sure as hell can buy you a yacht to drown your sorrows in

-----

So there you have it...

Follow these rules and let's conquer the LinkedIn world together

I'm now the king/queen of this joint, so don't you dare forget it

Now, go forth and spread the sarcasm and silliness that makes us the superior beings of LinkedIn

I am not as unhinged as I could be....


And I want everyone to be grateful for that....

-----♡

That being said, I drew Thomas Woodhams 

Cue the Titanic jokes in the comments section 👇

 𝙁𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙚𝙧 𝙈𝙊𝙄𝙎𝙏💦


The sploshy waters of stress, where every wave threatens to drown your sanity

-----🧠

Ever felt like your brain has turned into a muddy puddle of thoughts and memories?

You might "𝗦𝗼𝗴𝗴𝘆 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝘆𝗻𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗲"

From forgetting your own name to calling your boss the name of the stripper that you met last night 

Stress sure has a way of turning brains into squishy sponges 🧽 


𝑾𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒓𝒚 𝒖𝒑 𝒔𝒐𝒈𝒈𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒆:

🧠Surround yourself with people who constantly complain and bring negativity into your life. Nothing dries up soggy brain syndrome quite like a toxic social circle

🧠 Practice procrastination and leave everything until the last minute. The rush of panic and the impending doom of deadlines will evaporate any traces of soggy brain syndrome

🧠Channel your inner drama queen and have a full-blown meltdown in the middle of a crowded street. Cry, scream, and throw yourself on the ground for maximum effect. You'll either feel better or end up on a viral video. Win-win!

🧠Set your phone to auto-correct every word to "moist." Nothing like a little linguistic confusion to distract you from your stress-induced brain fog

🧠Develop a signature stress-induced twitch. Who needs a poker face when you can have an involuntary eye twitch that scares everyone around you? It's a great conversation starter, too

🧠Practice the ancient art of yelling into a pillow. Bonus points if you imagine that the pillow is the buttocks of someone you hate, and you are forcing that anger right back up their pooper 


💦Important: Never attempt to use your toaster as a flotation device 

NO live, laugh, toaster bath...

💦Remember: stress is just a temporary storm in our lives, and laughter is the life preserver that keeps us afloat 

Although humour can also be a coping mechanism.....

Basically we are all screwed 🙃

Stay MOIST and embrace the choas!

-----🧠

Wet Love, from Me & Neil the Seal 



Time for a colourful message from the depths of SJ's brain 🧠


SJ is currently riding a rollercoaster (not a ChadGPT one)... 

But of nerve pain killer withdrawal one 🎢

-----💢

It ain't pretty

As a result

Speech has taken a real hit

Talking now sounds a little stroke-like... as in brain stroke, not touchy stroke

And it's a real struggle for her to string words together

Concentration skills? Forget about 'em! 

They were on the struggle bus to begin with, and now they're in non-existent town

SJ also gets to experience some delightful phantom pain

Just to add some extra fun...

Loud noises feel like a bunch of knives being shoved through her brain, [me]... I like abit of pain too 👀

Let's not forget about the squirrels

Those little critters are still up there

They're not just in charge

They're slightly intoxicated and might have a touch of rabies...

-----🐿

If you're new here, well, I apologise in advance 

Trying to catch you up on SJ world would be like trying to climb Mount Everest in crocs whilst juggling flaming torches 🔥


So, apparently, nothing lasts forever, right? 


Well, let me tell you a little story...

My prestigious top voice badges on LinkedIn lasted a staggering FIVE whole days

Before those LinkedIn overlords decided to snatch them away...

-----♡

Can you imagine the heartbreak? 

Can you feel the disappointment in the air?

Oh wait, that might just be my hangover...

----- ♡

Now, don't get me wrong...
I didn't put any real effort into earning those badges

Who has time for that? 

And honestly

Do they even mean anything in the grand scheme of life? 

NO

But I am irrationally annoyed that they have been taken away

YES

-----♡

It's like a tiny slap in the face... 

And not the good kind... 👀

-----♡

Just to prove a point

In the face of adversity...

I rose above and created my very own top badge

-----♡

So, take that, LinkedIn! 

Who needs your fancy badges when I can create my own? 

Ner!

Live, laugh, and lower your expectations…


My content is at an all time level of “fluff”

And I have been terrible at engaging with my besties…

So I apologise for that at least!

——

To the woman who called my content “fluff at best” well…

Nah, I still think you are a Twünt 👌

You do you… llıʍ ǝslǝ ǝuo ou sʍouʞ po⅁

A Poem


*One of those that don't rhyme, and we all do the weird clicks after, not claps*

—-

Four pics sitting in my inbox

Like 4 bald men without hats 

What is that?

Is it an uncooked hotdog?

Or a close up of a thumb?

Nope….

1. Purple headed yogurt slinger 

1. Donut operator 

1. Gentlemens finger 

And a DNA rifle 

—-

That's what they be




I started 12 businesses before becoming a Solopreneur

Here's something that I learned:

→ We can do more than we think we can
→ We can do more than we think we can
→ We can do more than we think we can
→ We can do more than we think we can
→ We can do more than we think we can

As a coach, I see this everywhere.

I met Stephanie Jane W. here on LinkedIn, and one thing stood out:

→ She's incredibly talented 
→ Has TONS of value to share
→ But kept getting in her own way

(As it so often happens)

Basically, thinking she couldn't do what she dreamed of doing.

We worked together, and this is a snippet from her recommendation:

"His coaching gave me the push I needed to step into being the successful creator I knew I could be."

How often have you felt that way?

Like you're made for so much more...
But somehow, it never transforms into reality.

If that's the case, maybe my Bootcamp is for you. 

(It's the same Stephanie took)

→ I'll help you get clear on what you want
→ Make a plan to achieve it in 12 months
→ And actually live up to your potential

Does that sound like what you need?

There are still 5 spots available, and I expect them to be gone soon.

The link is here: https://lnkd.in/gicx_ikK

How We Talk About Justice-Involved Individuals Matters


𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭

When it comes to the millions of people interfacing with the criminal justice system each year in the United States

All too often harmful labels and stigmatizing language are employed that serve only to marginalize and hinder rehabilitation

—--🇺🇲

This post makes the case that a shift to more humanizing terminology for justice-involved individuals 

Can have meaningful positive effects both on individuals and on society

—--🇺🇲

Recognizing the humanity and potential in all people while acknowledging their experiences with the justice system

WORDS MATTER

LinkedIn? I'm coming for you. 

➰➰➰➰➰ 

I'm putting it to you all that LinkedIn is the quintessential heavy-handed manager. That boss that micro-manages, often punishes, and rarely rewards. The "leader" who is so stuck in the past that they still think Mozart is "hip". 

I can often be found mocking the old-fashioned stick-up-their-bum types that still sit around on LinkedIn grumbling about how this platform is meant to be for professionals. But I've neglected to tackle the biggest problem of all - the fact that LinkedIn themselves still have a backwards idealogy on what it means to be professional. 

Here are just a few of the problems that I've seen in the last year. 

- In my admittedly humble network, I have seen women punished far more frequently than men with bans on this platform. Stephanie Jane W., Wendy Gannon 📸, Nourhan Elsayed, and Sajal Ahsan primarily amongst them, being banned on more than one occasion and often for fairly long stints. 

Why? 

- Well, for one - swearing. Well, I call bullshit. I have yet to be banned and I've said every swearword under the sun. I've sworn at LinkedIn. I've quoted an entire Blink 182 song, I've gone all out and said cunt a few times. Why have I never been punished for this when others have? And should it even be a punishable offence? I'm calling freedom of speech on this. Unless you're calling someone something with intent to cause harm, I don't see the problem. We're adults. Grow up. 

- Not having the "correct" name. Again. What the fuck weird ass policy is that? Why do you get to decide how we want to identify? Some people have a different name to protect their identity. Some people want to use a different name to promote their business. Again, I've seen multiple people punished - and yet, guess what, my name isn't really Pan. 

- Oh noes, your picture is stylised! I've seen a couple of people have profile pictures removed and then receive a ban because it isn't a "professional photo" of themselves. Who gives a crap? I don't ACTUALLY have pink paint dripping from my eyes. It's a stylistic choice. What harm is being done? Bugger all. 

All these things have happened to WOMEN I know, and yet, I've done all these things, and more (yes, there is actually a picture of me naked on LinkedIn somewhere) and I've tagged LinkedIn multiple times too, whilst I've done them. I have yet to be banned. 

If that isn't proof that #sexism is still rampant here on this here "professional platform", I don't know what is. 

I put it to you, that professionalism is treating everyone the same, and everyone with kindness whilst also getting shit done. Chill out with the bans for utterly normal human behaviour, LinkedIn overlords.

How's that for a high quality contribution, LinkedIn? 

Taplio

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