EDLEY.NET

Neuroleadership Coach

Copenhagen bootcamp 

Owner 

Ed Ley

Performance Coach

Fit for Business

Helping busy business people to create optimum physical and mental performance

Author

Absolute Health Personal Training

Personal Training, Nutrition, Sports Massage

Owner

Absolute health

Online Personal training is for people who can't or don't want to get to the gym who still want the expertise, accountability and support.

Online Personal trainer

Absolute health and fitness ltd

Absolute health is a 3800sqft gym with a large cardio room, fixed resistance, Bristol biggest free weights and functional training rooms, stretching area, healthcare clinic, shower and changing facilities and car parking. Situated in Temple Quay Business Park in the heart of Bristol.

James Ross Healthcare

Personal Trainer

Helping CxO’s transform how they feel and perform @ EDLEY.NET | Performance Coaching, Executive Coaching

As a neuroleadership coach at EDLEY.NET, I help overwhelmed business leaders increase their mental presence for more freedom, fun, fulfilment, and success. With over 20 years of experience in the business of behaviour change, I have developed a unique approach that combines neuroscience, psychology, and coaching to help my clients optimize their physical and mental performance.

I have spoken at TEDx events in Bristol and Frederiksberg on the subject of behavioural change, and I have worked with and continue to work with some amazing leaders and their businesses across the globe. I have received over 80 testimonials on LinkedIn from satisfied clients who have improved their productivity, creativity, communication, and well-being thanks to our work together. My mission is to empower leaders to achieve their full potential and enjoy every area of their life.

Diagnosed with depression 

That was the first thing he told me when we got on the phone. 

You couldn’t write the next bit and have it make any sense. 

Boat
Daily meditation 
Wildly financially successful 
CEO of two thriving companies 
Huge house and summer house
Beautiful wife and two beautiful kids 
Incredible holidays several times a year 
10% body fat, in the gym 3 times per week 

Living the dream 

Digging a little deeper though 

Found spending time with the kids stressful
Constant conflict with his wife
Felt controlled by his staff
Felt trapped at the office
Sleeping pills 
Happy pills 

Beneath all of that was the confusion and disillusionment of having done everything right. 

I’m sure I’d struggle to understand it myself if I hadn’t seen it so many times. 

And the world offers little sympathy to the man who HAS everything. 

He felt isolated and alone. 

Imagine having a nervous system set in constant hyper-vigilance. 

Always re-inforcing the idea that you don’t yet FEEL enough because you don’t yet HAVE enough. 

Whether you believe the intellectual truth of it or not is irrelevant. 

That was the indoctrinated belief and it drove him to be constantly in problem solving mode to the extent where medication was required to fall asleep, a basic mammalian function.

3 months later nothing changed. 

Still CEO of 2 thriving companies 
Still beautiful wife and kids 

But now lots of laughter 
Connecting with his wife again 
Redesigned the way he wanted to lead 
Re-imagined life the way he REALLY want it
Building company three with NEW principles 

It wasn’t easy. 

He had to find the courage to re-view and revise his model of the world. 

To accept the idea that his beliefs that had served him so well in gathering everything so many people strive for were also creating a prison in his mind. 

I love this work. 

When I get to see someone SO competent create a life of joy, freedom and fun. 

I get to see the ripple effects through their family, their friends and their organisations.

Think BIG act SMALL

Amazing lives can be broken down as being a series of amazing years. 

Years can be broken down of course into months, weeks, and days. 

Amazing days can be broken down into amazing hours and minutes down to moments.

Moments where what we THINK, FEEL and DO fills us with the experience of life we most want to have. 

Of course the opposite is true too. When the moments, minutes, and hours that make up our lives are filled with the thoughts, feelings and actions that we least want to experience, life becomes a drudge that we suffer our way through rippling out into our future.

Heibb 1949 discovered that “neurons that fire together wire together”. 

Which is to say the actions we take, in the environments we spend our time in and how we think and feel in the MOMENTS of our lives become our habits and so our lives.

So think BIG but act SMALL 

Because it’s racing and chasing the future, being frustrated and in conflict with the moments of your life is a sure fire way to create a life you hate. 

In the same presence, appreciation and joy in each moment done consistently and deliberately get WIRED into our brains rippling out into our futures. 

So worry less about what’s BEST, even less about what’s fastest and most efficient and instead focus on bringing more moments, minutes and hours of JOY, Connection and Presence into your life. 

I promise you, it’ll change everything. You don’t need to take my word for it of course. 

Just try it for a week, I bet you won’t want to go back.

Ps. What does thinking big mean to you, REALLY BIG?

A workaholic boss is a big red flag 🚩 

Guilt often seems to be the thing we’re talking about when we say work life balance

When we are at home we should be at work when at work we should be at home and that’s without considering fitness and friends.

Sometimes it seems like a pursuit of being good enough. Avoiding too much conflict or criticism. 

Like we live to make other people happy.

The result of this is something like, be home long enough to say good night to the kids, perhaps even eat with them. Be fully engaged all weekend while battling the desire to nap.

Friends over in the evening, get drunk to numb, regret it the next day. Cycle to work for exercise. 

Work life balance is talked about a lot because it’s a seriously hard problem to solve if solve is the correct way to talk about it. 

The starting point though I think is to start looking at at time very differently. 

People don’t want time from us they want attention and connection. 

And we need to move away from the question, how do I get this done in this time, and towards something like, how do I make this task unnecessary, myself redundant? 

How can I spend 10 hours working out how to do this 10 hour task in 1 hour so it only take 1 hour going forward?

That’s part of it. 

Then it’s deciding what you want from life in terms of relationships with partner, children, friendships and how do they see it? 

The cool thing is that having these conversations and thinking this way will make you so much better at your job that I’d have one of you over 5 of them. 

Problem solvers are just more valuable especially problems involving humans and how they get along. Living happy fulfilled lives both as individuals and collective. 

Balance is the wrong word really. 

Harmony is a better way of looking at it. It’s openness not closedness that allows you to navigate it. 

It’s moving from guessing what others want to asking and discussing and trying things.

And honestly I think people are drawn to people (and companies) that have done this in their own lives. 

Nobody really wants a workaholic boss or role model. They want someone who has at least tried fo navigate the same problems that plague them.

Someone who is asking the right questions.

What do you think? 👇🏻

16 things I’ve Learned In 16 years of working with Business Leaders



1. The brain see the world from the perspective of its own skills. A leader without the skill of moving someone from incompetence (in a certain skill) to competence will see incompetence EVERYWHERE and struggle with delegation and micromanagement.

2. The problem is never the problem Eg You don’t get enough sleep, because you need time alone before bed, need time alone because you always say yes to others during the day, you prioritise others because of beliefs ingrain in childhood. All problems are belief problems. 

3. Our consistent self created struggles are often caused by the poor definition of our greatest strengths (genius) not by our weaknesses. Eg Hard work poorly defined leads to burnout. If you’re a hammer all the world looks like a nail.

4. BAD habits are simply unskillful NEED fulfilment. Find the need and meet it some other way and the habit disappears. Try to force a habit out and the perceived need will increase. 

5. We often pretend not to know the medicine we most need (eg planning or making notes) because of negative associations that medicine holds from the past. A new experience of that medicine is needed.

6. Consistently using willpower to get things done leads to resentment, loneliness and burnout usually long before external success.

7. The MOST successful leaders have HIGH standards for burnout. They back off at the first sign of it. (This is the exact opposite of how most leaders operate.)

8. The willingness to view even relative successes as failures to be assessed and improved upon leads to incredible freedom as well as growth. 

9. A deep awareness of your values and how to live them makes you bullet proof to stress. 

10. If you can’t see the potential in someone you’re leading they’ll feel it and you cannot lead them. They just won’t follow.

11. Relaxing when not at work is hard without a deliberate opening and closing work ritual. 

12. When we say ‘poor work life balance’ we usually mean GUILT around our choices and a lack of clarity around what’s important and what actions serve that. 

13. Every single action we take is either “on PURPOSE” or to gain/ avoid loss of status (that’s just how the brain works). The more clarity of purpose we have the easier it is to avoid doing the latter. 

14. Our happiness and experience of success is directly connected to our capacity for truth. The more you hide the more you fear. 

15. Knowing priorities is important but where most leaders come undone is that they lack clarity around how to protect their time to allow the focus necessary to do the work. 

16. Your own energy, joy and peaceful presence is one of the most powerful things a leader can bring to your team. Prioritising it is of far more value than a few extra hours work if the consequence is bringing unhappiness, frustration and stress.


Which one surprised, resonated, intrigued, agree, disagree with? 👇🏻

Boss: Ed, are you free to talk at 11 today?

Me: sure, what’s it about?

Boss: I’d prefer to wait…

☝️ That’s how NOT to let someone go btw.

Nonetheless that’s what happened to me. 

I was a contractor training clients in someone else’s business.

They hit financial hard times and taking over all my clients was a simple quick fix.

No blame there nor agreement that it was the best strategy but there I was, one day to the next 30% drop in income. 

A couple of days later the same thing happened with another 35% of my work. 

Different reasons, same outcome. (Interesting story but another time).

My business decimated overnight.

A few months earlier and this might not have induced the pain that it did.

A few months earlier I hadn’t yet bought a dream apartment with a mortgage I could only just afford. 

I learned this lesson the hard way.

To play where I least 
want to look. 

To let my imagination 
run wild where I’ve 
been saying, 

“I don’t dare 
imagine what 
I’d do if...”

Imagine the unimaginable.

Then prepare for it. 

Or make it impossible with how you approach life and business NOW.

During stress our ability think is significant diminished. 

Orson Wells said, “The difference between rich people are poor people is that poor people don’t have any money” 

He was right.

When people are financially secure they
make good financial decisions. 

When people are financially insecure
they make poor financial decisions. 

People who are starved of nutrition make poor nutrition decisions. 

People who are nutritionally rich make good 
nutritional decisions. 

We too often live our lives under the illusion 
that we’ll avoid hard times all together. 

Or we SEE the potential iceberg ahead and just HOPE we’ll miss it rather than make hitting it impossible or planning what we’ll do WHEN we hit it.

Or we see it and tell ourselves that we’ll be able to bring our best thinking to bare in 
the event that we hit it.

But it’s in these moments 
that our thinking is MOST 
compromised. 

MOST aimed at survival rather than thriving

MOST seeing scarcity not abundance 

MOST focused on threats not possibilities 

Plan your divorce when 
you’re in love. 
(Business and personal) 

There is something about fear, about the possible unaddressed iceberg, that causes us to drift inevitably towards it. 

Look for the icebergs before setting sail 
makes you sail faster and with greater freedom and a much sturdier ship. 

What are the potential icebergs? 

Bring your genius mind to that question NOT your survival mind.

The Most Effective Leaders I Know Have Strong Answers To These 12 Questions


Ultimately great leadership is all about the how skilfully you face the most consistently reoccurring challenges in your life and business. 

Skill is about the mastery of a predictable and repeatable process.

Asking how you will face those consistent challenges can turn hopeful success, energy, freedom and fulfilment into inevitable. 

1. How do you make sure you have a consistent high level of energy to not only get through the day but to help you to face difficult decision, uncomfortable conversations avoid procrastination?

2. How do you make sure you are focusing on the right things rather than getting drawn towards serving the loudest screamer, most persist voice or tasks that ultimately should be delegated? 

3. What system do you use for helping stressed overwhelmed or stuck employees get quickly back on track?

4. What system do you use to make sure the team (and you) is sharing failures as well as strategically learning from them so that they are consistently improving in both quality and effectiveness? 

5. What philosophy, principles and practices do you use to keep yourself in a positive and uplifting state for your team ESPECIALLY when things aren’t going to plan? 

6. What system do you use to fully disconnect from work and connect with your partner and kids after an intense day of work? 

7. What process do you use to ensure that each individual in the company is working effectively and in alignment with their team and its objectives without feeling controlled or undervalued?

8. How do you protect, maintain and even grow your relationships, intimate, familial and friends during both busy and uncertain times? 

9. What strategy do you employ to stop yourself from getting dragged into urgent but unimportant task and instead remain focused on your priorities while empowering your team to do the same?

10. What system do you use to make sure you don’t fall into dictating strategy and micromanaging to avoid disempowering staff?

11. What approach do you use to make sure you keep your cool and say what you want to say rather than getting pulled into arguing, blaming or capitulating to keep the peace, when others seem to be losing their cool? 

12. What system do you use to keep you from having to constantly apply willpower to jobs you don’t enjoy, draining your energy when you most need it? 

Answering these questions not only creates a huge amount of energy but also results in a far more balanced life. 

So how did you do? 

Most leaders score 4-5
Good leaders 6-8
Great leaders have clarity around all 12

If you would like help to create this level of clarity now is the time. I have 2 spaces remaining to work with me.

ADHD
Autism 
CEO 
CoFounder 
DAD 
Son
Husband 

All labels that applied to him.
That he applied to himself. 

Problems he wanted help with:

Social anxiety around criticism and politics 
Excess belly fat and low energy 
Burnout and overwhelm 
Depressive tendencies 

From the moment we are born we are told who we are. 

We are told where we are right and wrong, good and bad, normal and abnormal. 

The world 
Our communities 
Our acquaintance 
Our friend and family 
Our parents 

They all need to place us.

To stereotype us for better or worse so that they can apply short cuts to dealing with us. 

It can start to feel impossible to understand who we are. 

Especially when our behaviours appear to deviate from the norm.

That’s where he found himself. 

Searching out there to understand himself, and feeling more lost the more he looked. 

Is life a product of discovery or a product of creation? 

Together we did the work of self definition:

What did he value? 
What did he believe?
Who did he want to be? 
What way of operating would most serve him? 

Deciding who he was allowed him to decide how he wanted to operate.

Giving himself permission to operate in a way that served him allowed him to create a life he loved. 

Free from the challenges that bought him to me. 

10kg lost 
Social confidence 
Bullet proof to politics
20 few hours per week 
Energised and more joy in his life

Our behaviours are a product of our internal map, and that map was created by other people. You’re bound to get lost right? 

If you’re tired of living someone else’s map and suffering the side effects then DM me, ‘yes’ now.

Wanted: 2 business leaders who are looking for a serious performance upgrade. 


If you want to experience: 

True confidence
Emotional control
Clarity and direction 
High energy 
Resilience 
Less stress 
Increased focus 
Better sleep
More strength 
More flexibility 
Better fitness 
Fat loss 
Upgrade your relationship
Upgrade your parenting 
Upgrade your communication 

This comprehensive program kicks off with a full day session and continues with me as a coach in your pocket for 6 months amongst other things. 

You’ll learn and master a system for consistency upgrading your performance. 

Get in touch via PM now

If you are committed to transforming your performance and you want a space don’t wait.

Time with my kids is boring.

My relationship is utilitarian. 

I hardly see my friends but I don’t really have the drive to either. 

I’m not really sure if I’m even building the business I want. 

I’m not unhappy necessarily, just a bit numb. 

I’m not really sure what the point of it all is. 

He said it all like a confession. 

It’s a confession I hear often. 

Nobody talks about this so it’s sort of a taboo. 

We somehow make it mean something about the person experiencing it. 

They SHOULDN’T feel that way. 

It’s not ok. 

The reality is that it’s pretty common. 

It’s not entirely unhelpful. 

The brain has decided it would be an effective way to allow them to cope with the stressors of life and business in order to succeed.

Like if you lived with a lion.

For a while you’d be constantly alert and stressed. 

After a while your brain would decide that the emotion just wasn’t of service. 

Especially when it realised you had no intention of leaving. 

Pretty soon all of life has a low emotional tone. 

Pressure situations become the only thing that feels normal ie work.

This wasn’t the life he wanted:

He wanted 

Meaningful work 
To get his health back 
To feel deeply connected to his wife 
To love spending time playing with his kids 
To be present and enjoying every area of his life
To experience a life of adventure again.

We took 3 important steps 

Reveal - we uncover the beliefs that were guiding his feelings, thoughts and actions.

Revise - we broke them down, challenged them and ultimately re-imagined those that were taking him away from the experience of life he wanted. 

Ritualise - we started acting them out in the world to teach his brain the new map and all of its benefits to create new habits.

6 months later and his life was beyond what he thought he’d achieve.

Comfort micro managing 

Comfort failure to delegate 

Comfort eating 

Comfort procrastination 

Comfort productivity 

Comfort staying up late 

Comfort idea bombing 

It’s all instant gratification.

The brain recognising a shorter path to creating the desired feelings.

(Feelings are the signatures of success.)

Or more likely, avoiding the perceived potential threats. 

All of these things are normal patterns of a healthy brain. 

Attempting to get its needs met in the best way it knows how with the least effort. 

Not a lack of motivation, not a weak will, not self sabotage. 

Just old patterns that don’t match the new landscape.

So how to do you create a new pattern? 

1. Get clear on the negative consequences and the undesirable feelings created but the comfort action you wish to change.
2. Get clear on the new action that you could do that you would do that will create the desired outcome and more desirable feelings with little effort.
3. Construct an environment that serves the new behaviour and limits the old.

Want to understand the neuroscience of leadership more deeply? 

Check out my leadership manifesto: 

https://lnkd.in/eket5rzF

Suffering For Success? (How we grow) 

There is an interesting phenomenon among people considered the MOST successful of all time. 

Over half of them lost a parent in early childhood or experience learning difficulties such as Dyslexia. 

Suffering, followed by success. 

It gets more complicated though. 

There is an interesting phenomenon among people in jail. 

Well over half of them lost a parent in early childhood or experience learning difficulties such as Dyslexia. 

What are we to extract from the above two facts? 

Suffering is good, bad, required, not required for success? 

Fortunately, as Buddha taught us,

“Life is suffering” 

Suffering comes to us all. 

What makes the difference is the meaning we take from it. 

One person experiences suffering, hardship, trauma and learns they are a failure, worthless or the world isn’t safe.

Another person experiences these and learns that some people are bad, incompetent, ignorant and that someone else will fix it for them. 

Another person extracts a lesson more skilfully and so becomes more skilful in how they process the world around them and face life. 

Which we choose in any given situation is a huge discussion around environment and values and beliefs handed to us in childhood. 

What I want to focus on here is how we deliberately create an environment for growth. 

Step one - is responsibility. That doesn’t mean blame self or blame others it’s means acknowledge your own ability to respond and do things differently. 

Step two - get clear on exactly what the problem is.

Step three - get clear on how you approached it. 

Step four- get clear on what you’ll do differently next time. 

Step five - take action asap using the new approach. 

There is no shortage of pain in life, you just have to own it and if you do, suffering turns to struggle.

One thing is for sure, we cannot NOT make meaning, so we’d better do it in a way that serves us rather than harms us. 

Don’t you think?

6 Reasons High Achievers Are Often Trapped in an Anxiety Loop.

Humans are meaning making mammals - we make meaning of the world in order to act, survive and thrive within it. Anxious high achievers CEO’s for example often extract the following 6 meanings. 

1. They place a greater value on what they haven’t yet achieved than on who they are, what they already have and the appreciation of being alive. This causes them to constantly feel insufficient in the present but also that enoughness lives inside the next achievement. 

2. They locate that next possible achievement through comparison rather than through what would be the most fun experience. This further strengthens feelings of inadequacy by training the brain to constantly look to measure self against others they perceive to have more. 

3. Despite knowing intuitively that they want more connection, joy and energy in their lives they sacrifice these things to achieve a future goal. They do this because they have dopamine attached to goal achievement and so if they aren’t striving they feel uneasy. 

4. If they miss their target in any way, even minor they experience dopamine withdrawal which the brain experiences as a sort of pain like depression, anxiety, despondency.

5. They trade the present for the future. I have THiS, I don’t have THaT therefore I must get that. This creates a perpetual cycle of never being truly present. 

6. This trading compounds as they medicate the anxiety, don’t properly digest their food, use stimulants to artificially lift energy and forgot many of the things that bring them health (unless they are goal focused thus perpetuating the future chasing cycles).

So what’s answer? 

All of the above was learned.  Meanings the brain has extracted from the environment to make sense of the world and function within it. 

Fortunately. What has been defined can be re-defined through a simple 3 step process: 

Define - a clear definition of meaning.

Refine - a precise outline of what it doesn’t mean.

Align - the exact step you would be taking in the world to align with this definition. 

If you find yourself living in this anxiety loop I described it is due to the meaning your brain is making of the world. The above is the system of updating that meaning so that you can create a life you love. 

Perhaps start with success, achievement, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, anxiety, money.

Are you fully owning your definition of success? 

What does success mean? 

The beauty of that question is, that it’s entirely up to you. 

But you can’t hit a target you don’t hang. 

And you really have no choice but to hang one because the world will constantly tell you what success means.

And absent your own very clear definition you’ll default to that of those messengers and messages you’re most consistently exposed to. 

If success to you means sacrificing relationships, sleep, health and free time for 5-10 years, putting every available moment into your business, while demanding the same from those around you, fine. 

Own it. Make your culture all about it. 

Seek to attract those who are attracted to that culture. 

Help people to see why it’s worth it. 

Whats the promised land for them and you? 

Your life is always a demonstration of what is most important to you. 

If that doesn’t feel true then you’re likely following other people’s maps.

What sort of leader are you? 

How will I face this conflict? 

How will I respond to this potentially overwhelming situation? 

Who am I?

The world is unpredictable, we have no way of knowing what will happen in the next few minutes let alone tomorrow or next week. 

The only thing we can know with a high degree of certainty is ourselves. 

Could you answer the question “who am I?” without simply responding with your labels, connections or past achievements but with a clear and succinct explanation of how you consistently show up in the world?  

If you can’t then you really have no way of knowing how you’ll show up in any given situation. 

If you don’t really know who you are and can’t articulate who you are then what chance do you have of being yourself? 

Unpredictable self + Unpredictable world = STRESS

Life is pretty stressful with that level of unpredictability. 

A really cool study in 2005 by Cresswell et al investigated this phenomenon. 

They invited 90 or so people to speak on stage in front of a large audience “off the top of their head” a free style presentation.

They took bloods and endocrine markers and other stress indicators before and after. 

The control group showed HUGE shifts in stress markers. 

They then took a study group and had them define and affirm their values. 

This group showed close to ZERO change in stress indicators before and after speaking “off the top of their head” on stage. 

Crazy right? 

The magic is in the increased prediction. 

The certainty of who we are and who will be no matter what happens, seems to be an incredible buffer in the face of stress. 

Do you know your values? 

More importantly do you know them deeply enough to say who you will be and not be in any given situation? 

Ps I’m definitely not claiming to being a virtuous model of my values. I fail to live up to them daily but I know who I’m trying to be and I can measure myself against that standard.

7 Things to stop 🛑 doing NOW if you want to build your business with less stress, overwhelm and sleepless nights 

Think about it, when was the answer to overwhelm ever to seek more things to do? 

NEVER. Yet when ever the to do list is mounting up along with the inbox and staff issues, the message preached to us is hustle.

Yet given the opportunity to pause and take a 30,000 ft view there is no intelligent person who would look at you and the work ahead and point to inadequate effort as the cause or more effort as the answer. 

There are however a bunch of things that if you stopped doing them you would be amazed at the space opening up in your diary.

1. STOP telling people what to do. It seems quicker in the moment but tell someone what to do and bunch of really undesirable things happen. That person becomes a boomerang who keeps coming back to you for answers, feels incompetent and will soon become resentful.

Instead master supporting others to their own clarity and create an employee who feels valued, competent and trusted.

2. STOP accepting back to back meetings. It might seem productive. But you aren’t paid for productivity you are paid to make high quality decisions.

Instead make sure meetings have at least 15 minute between them and make sure they follow a simple system that supports clarity and decision making.

3. STOP checking your email between meetings. Your constantly availability and responses are creating a world of urgency around you.

Instead take the time to create a clear email strategy that doesn’t buy into other peoples urgency and aligns with the mission of the business and your priorities and stick to that.

4. STOP keeping the challenges and obstacles that arose today in your head until tomorrow causing you to ruminate, map out scenarios and assumptions in your head making sleep difficult.

Instead get that stuff down on paper and allow your subconscious to explore it while you sleep soundly. 

5. STOP working in the last hour before bed revving up your nervous system before bed making sleep shallow and disturbed. 

Instead prioritise high quality sleep in order to prioritise high quality thinking and work every day.

6. STOP keeping your phone with you 24/7 if your phone is with you you’re on call. If you’re on call then your nervous system is on alert and you aren’t recovering.

Instead create a strict phone time table and stick to it.  Your brain will cry tears of joy.


7. STOP rushing into your day feeling however you feel and dealing with what ever comes up first on the to do list. Being intent to put in as many hours as possible. Your job is not to put in hours or get anyone else to either. Your job is to get the business in high performance mode and that starts by getting yourself in high performance mode. 

Instead fill your morning with energy and clarity building practises before you let the day come rushing in.

Overwhelm is a signal that the way you’re working isn’t working. What will you change first?

What most believe underpins low EQ…

HARDNESS 


What actually underpins low EQ… 

FEAR


What most people believe underpins fear 

WEAKNESS 


What actually underpins fear 

ASSOCIATIONS from the PAST


EQ the result of increased self awareness 

It’s a skill

Beware your stories 

The human brain tells stories. 

It cannot not tell stories. 

Its predictive nature causes it to make meaning out or everything in order to 
create safety. 

Safety in who we believe we are 
Who we believe they are 
Who they are compared 
to us. 

What will happen next? 

We learn our own default stories,
We call them “logical leaps”
“Jumping to conclusions”. 
Assigning intent 
Assumptions
Declarations 
Mindreading 


The brain holds beliefs programmed 
in childhood. 

Our stories delicately work to keep 
these beliefs intact to protect us 
from losing our understanding 
of the world and place in it. 

Some of our stories cause us great
pain and stress.

One such story is the stories of 
victims and villains.

It’s a story that if chosen it never ends, never stops, never rests or pauses.

It traps you in a loop of analysis, mind reading, assigning intent, making them or you into one, the other or both until it’s all you can see. 

It grows ideas of dominance, of power over, forcing, fighting, control and manipulation. 

It strengthens ideas of hopelessness and helplessness and weakness. 

A world of baddies and goodies. 

Beware the stories you tell about what’s happening in your version and vision of the world. 

Because you have to live in that story. 

There are more skilful stories you can tell. 

It all depends on what sort of life you want to have. 

How often do you say THEY to explain 
what’s not working in your life?

The government 
Your colleagues
Your boss 
Your board 
Your kids 
Your parents 
Your partner 
Your acquaintances
Your friends

Is it worth cost?

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