Downshift

A boutique coaching firm and decelerator program designed for high achievers in transition.

Coach and Facilitator

Spinks Coaching

I coach community founders and leaders, helping them to consciously grow their community and business, without getting overwhelmed and burning out.

Learn more at davidspinks.com/community-coaching/

Community Leadership Coach

Author

Learn more at DavidSpinks.com/book

The rise of the internet has brought with it an inexorable, almost shockingly persistent drive toward community. From the first social networks to the connected world of today, the need for and value of community have emerged as unavoidable realities. The business world is keeping up, sort of. The successful brands of tomorrow will be those that create authentic connection, giving customers a sense of real belonging, and unlocking unprecedented scale as a result. But how do we achieve this lofty communitarian goal? Nowhere is the path made clearer than in this book. In his career of over 10 years in the business of building community, Spinks has learned what a winning community strategy looks like. From the fundamental concepts—including how community drives measurable business value, and what are the appropriate metrics—to high-level community design—to ¬practical engagement techniques, The Business of Belonging is an epic journey into the world of community building.

Author, The Business of Belonging [Wiley 2021]

Bevy (bevy.com)

Bevy is a customer-to-customer community management platform, building products that brands use to build, grow and manage their offline user groups and event communities. Bevy builds community in real life.

VP of Community

CMX is the premier network for community professionals. Thousands of community professionals come to CMX for support and education in community strategy. The community industry's largest event, CMX Summit, brings together 2,000+ attendees each year, and 50+ local CMX Connect chapters gather regularly around the world. CMX was acquired by Bevy (bevy.com) in 2019.

Co-Founder and CEO

LetsFeast inc.

Feast is a cooking class for people who would never go to a cooking class.  Our goal is to make it a less miserable experience to learn how to cook.

The Community Manager

http://thecommunitymanager.com is the home for anyone building communities.

Co-Founder

LeWeb

Le Web is the largest tech/startup conference in Europe.  

I worked to bring together the attendees of LeWeb and the millions of online viewers both before and during the events.

Community Manager

Zaarly, Inc

I made sure that Zaarly's community, marketing and product were well aligned.

Director of Product Marketing and Community

Blogdash.com

I developed the concept and managed the design, UI, UX, development, community management, business development, marketing, PR, and everything else of blogdash.com, a blogger outreach platform for brands and bloggers to connect.

Co-Founder and GM

Hi, I’m David. Friends call me Spinks.

I'm a coach and facilitator helping ambitious professionals recalibrate their relationship with work to be more intentional, balanced, and energizing. Learn more about my coaching at downshift.me.

My newsletter is both a documentary of my journey and sharing of the lessons, tools, and truths I’ve learned. It's helped thousands of readers. I hope it will help you too. Read it at davidspinks.substack.com.

Learn more about me and my story at davidspinks.com

them: i hate my job

me: what's keeping you there?

them: money p much

me: what's important about money?

them: it lets me pay for things that make me happy

me: so your goal is to be happy? 

them: yeah i guess so

me: and you do that by staying at a job that doesn't make you happy?

them: 👁️👄👁️

me: 👁️👄👁️

them: 👁️👄👁️

me: 👁️👄👁️

--

edit: a note for those of you who read this as "people who can't afford to leave their jobs should leave anyway to chase happiness", that is not what i said, but i can empathize with why this topic is a trigger for some folks

my intention was to simply point out one version of a story that keeps us stuck in work that drains us of life - the idea that "i must suffer now so that i can be happy later", when happiness may be readily available to you now. i believe peace, love, and wholeness is always available to us, regardless of our situation

if the person in this hypothetical conversation were to respond to the question "what's important about money?" by saying something like, "i have bills, debt, and need this income to survive/provide" then this conversation would have been very different 

in that case, what i would do is suss out where there's truth in that belief and where there's fear. many people (myself included) use this story as a way to avoid taking the risk of stepping into the unknown, even if they *can* actually afford it. we'd explore at that edge

but hey, use this post as a mirror and see what comes up for you. i'm happy to be challenged (respectfully) in the comments

🌀 David Spinks

Leadership and Transition Coach | Author of The Business of Belonging | Say hi DavidSpinks.com 👋

And to my children I leave a slack community with 127 channels

David Spinks

🌀 Leadership and Transition Coach | 📘 Author of The Business of Belonging | 👋 Say hi DavidSpinks.com

did i ever tell you all about the time i got fired from my dream job?

pull up a seat... 

i was a younger man than i am today, a few years out of college, and i was hired as the director of community for an online marketplace called zaarly. my task was to drive seller engagement and retention, lead a small team, and comanage our nyc office. 

many of you will not have heard of zaarly. it no longer exists. but at the time we were the darling of silicon valley. we graced the front pages of techcrunch, spoke at all the big tech conferences, raised boatloads of cash from naval and meg whitman and all the big names in vc

so i felt like the luckiest lad in the land. i secured my spot on a rocket ship, getting to do work that excited me, in a role that could accelerate my career. 

i was so excited that i tied my entire identity and sense of self worth to succeeding in this role. 

so when i was asked to do something, i said hell yes. when i was assigned an aggressive goal, i said, gimme. and when my plate was overflowing, i worked harder and longer. 

because if i failed, it meant i'm a failure. 

outside, things were looking good. my bosses loved me, we were doing good work, and i was "crushing it" 

inside, i was crumbling. i never felt like i was good enough. i was constantly comparing myself to other directors on the team who seemed to actually be crushing it. i was so self conscious of how i looked to leadership. i couldn't say no. when we didn't hit a goal i blamed myself. my self confidence started to plummet, but i still put on a face of confidence. 

we all know how this story ends. i burned out. i became totally overwhelmed, exhausted, and demotivated. it didn't take long for my boss to grow concerned. 

10 months into the job, one month after the company moved me out to SF, he set up "the meeting". i knew what was coming but i was still desperate to save my job, to save my self worth. so i showed up to that meeting with a full presentation about how i could turn things around. he painfully humored me for a few mins before stopping me and saying the words i'll never forget. 

"i think it's time we go our separate ways"

i felt the tears well up behind my eyes but i couldn't let myself cry. my whole body felt frozen. my world was crumbling around me. 

i don't remember what we said after that. i just knew i had to get out of the building. i walked straight to the elevators, out the door, and to the water and i cried for hours.

i spent the next few months in depression. it took me a long time to rebuild my confidence. with the help of some very special people, i was able to do that. but it took time. 

i'm very grateful now for the lessons i learned from this experience. 

if i can sum them up it's this:

1. pay attention to when you're tying your self worth to an outcome
2. when you're drowning, don't pretend you're just swimming, ask for help  
3. saying yes to everything means saying no to what's most important 

hope this story helps

im heading to my 20 year high school reunion tomorrow and i'm not gonna pretend like i'm being totally cool about it...😅
 
as i sit here on the beach with my daughter dripping watermelon all over me, im a little activated. not totally freaking out, but some old fears and anxieties are resurfacing. 

it's interesting to be able to observe it all more objectively now. to see those old stories arise and get curious about them, instead of getting lost in them like i did as a kid. 

i see how badly i wanted to belong, to be accepted. i see how i didn't appreciate where i already had acceptance. i see how i most valued the acceptance that was hardest to get 

i see how with the people i most envied, the "popular" kids, it wasn't so much that i envied what they had but rather how i thought they felt. they seemed so care free, confident, happy... i just wanted to feel that too and thought that winning their acceptance was the path

i see how much i cared about how i was perceived. and about "winning" the game of social hierarchy 

i hear the whispers of those stories resurface as i head to my reunion. i notice the fear of falling back into envy and insecurity. 

and if i'm being totally honest, i see how those stories still show up in my life today, how i still play the game of social hierarchy in my work and career, here on linkydinky. how i still seek acceptance and don't always appreciate the acceptance i have. how i lose my sense of self when i see someone who i believe experiences life the way i long to experience life 

but i also see how far i've come. how much more comfortable i am in my own skin. how i've found deeper belonging within. how i've formed so many relationships with incredible humans where status had nothing to do with it, just pure fun and connection. 

my hope for tomorrow is to show up as myself, notice when the urge to compare, or to fit in, arises, take a breath, and come back to myself and the strange and delightful experience of reconnecting with this group of humans that i grew up with, formed my identity alongside, and haven't seen in 20 years. 

and also to get my moneys worth at the buffet because i was forced to pay for the open bar and don't really drink anymore. 

--

would love to hear some of y'all's reflections on this 

have you been to your high school reunion? did you get the ol' jitters?  how did it go? did you win?

No alternative text description for this image

here's a cool trick:

the same piece of content can be used to build an audience OR a community by shifting the "orientation of expertise"

i'll explain...

both audience and community building requires creating content

but how you orient that content makes all the difference:

-> to build an audience, center your expertise
-> to build a community, center others' expertise

seems simple, but can be a big mindset shift for a lot of creators out there

for example, lets say you want to create a piece of content about managing stress

to build an audience, you'd write a post like "here's 5 ways to manage stress" and maybe at the end you'd ask "what strategies have been working for you?"

to build a community, you'd write a post like, "i'm looking for new ways to help me manage my stress. any tips?" and maybe you'd add a comment like "here are a couple things that have been working for me.

same content, but one centers your expertise, and the other centers the expertise of others

centering your expertise can actually be a deterrent to community engagement because what do people have to contribute? you already answered the question! 

the key to starting conversations between people is to leave open space for them to fill with their expertise (and feelings, dreams, jokes, etc)

--

👋 hi i'm david and i just drank a really good cup of earl grey

curious, how do you all handle linkydinky connection requests?

i've long tried to hold a standard of only accepting connection requests from people i've actually spoken to live, or have interacted with a lot online

like there's a bar of how well i have to know someone before i say yes

i think this is partially because people often ask me for introductions to people they see i'm connected to on linkedin 

but maybe that's dumb, because i can just say "i actually don't know them that well" 

maybe i should just accept requests from anyone who seems cool / aligned, and look at it as a way to get to know new people

how do you think about this? 

who do you accept requests from?

who do you not?

Hands down, one of the most valuable skills a CEO, community builder, or anyone leading humans can practice:

Naming the elephant in the room.

We humans just get caught in these hidden patterns all the darn time.

You know what I mean:

- The company culture where everyone is afraid to challenge each other.
- The chat group where things have been getting a little too self-promotional.
- The friend group where you've all become a little too reliant on alcohol. 

...there are countless more examples. 

(random aside: I didn’t use ai for this but this is sounding like ai wrote it. Am I just writing like ai now?! Anyway…) 

It's very normal to get caught up in these interpersonal patterns. They emerge slowly, without us noticing, and before we know it we're stuck in a cycle that we can't see (but can probably feel).

Then...someone names it, and the bubble gets popped! 💥 The spell is broken. Everyone can name the pattern. And as we coaches like to say, "what you can name, you can tame."

That's the superpower of a great leader. They're always paying attention to the patterns that are forming amongst the group. And when they see a pattern that may not be serving the group, they name it.

And btw, the leader doesn't have to be the CEO or someone in formal leadership. Everyone in the circle can step into leadership by naming a dynamic they're observing. 

Of course, this isn't easy. Here's where most people get stuck: 

It's scary to be the one to name the elephant in the room. It feels disruptive. No one wants to be the fly in the ointment. It's much easier to stay quiet. To just hope things get better on the own.

But hear me now: you 👏 have 👏 to  👏 name 👏 it 👏 . It's the only way to break the spell.

And you don't need to have the solution. You're just starting a conversation. You're just asking a question.

You might say, "Hey, I've been noticing that we've all been agreeing with each other a lot, and I wonder if there's a hesitancy to challenge each other. Anyone else noticing that? I wonder where that's coming from?"

Or, "Y'all... I'm noticing that we only seem to do activities that involve drinking. And maybe that's what we all want. But in case it isn't, I thought I'd mention it. What do you think?"

No solutions. Just naming the dynamic you've been observing.

Every time I've done this, or seen another do it, something special always seems to emerge. It's how we come back into alignment as fellow humans.

So I leave you with this prompt:

What's the elephant in the room in your company, or community, or friend group, or family right now? What’s the pattern than needs to be named? 

And my invitation: name it, and see what emerges. 

--

👋 Hey I'm David a coach and community facilitator. 

Follow along for more posts like this, and DM me if you'd like to have a coach in your corner, helping you spot the patterns in your company and community, or within yourself, so you can name and tame them.

the key to success in all career paths is to write funny on linkedin, it turns out

ok some crazy stuff has been happening to me and i have to tell you all about it 

i spoke recently about getting my human design chart, right? 

so i went down the rabbit hole exploring my chart with chatgpt (obviously) and and at one point asked "who are well known people who have the same chart as me?" 

the first person it named was princess diana. 

"oh interesting!" i thought to myself. i've always felt an affinity for princess diana. i've felt connected to her. and i knew we shared a birthday. 

i remember when she died. my nana was visiting from england at the time so everyone in my house was glued to the tv. it was a big moment. 

so i thought to myself "i wonder if there's a good biography i could read..."

well get this...

the next day, i take a walk in our new neighborhood and spotted a free little library. i take a look and, i shit you not, right in the middle of the shelf, i see in big letters along the spine of a book, "DIANA"

nooooooooo

i pick it out and there's her bio 

"okayyy" i say out loud to no one (or someone?) as i look up at the sky 

i've learned that when a coincidence like this happens, pay attention. the universe is speaking. move toward it. 

so, i've been reading her bio, of course looking for some message for me in it 

the beginning is pretty slow about her childhood, how she met prince charles, etc. i thought it was going to be a spiritual dud. 

then it starts talking about diana's struggles in the royal family and about her mental health challenges. how she felt trapped, alone, and how she lost her sense of self. 

so what did she do?

she spoke to an astrologist! the book talks about how she got a reading by sharing her birth day and time (which is exactly how this started for me with my human design reading). this opens up a whole world for her. she starts reading spiritual books that i've been reading, she picks up meditation, tai chi, acupuncture, breathwork...

i was just expecting this to be a book about royal drama and now i'm finding that princess diana went through a consciousness journey that in many ways mirrored my own. 

it's through this work that she starts to find herself again, started living a life in integrity with who she is, and doing the work of service that her heart longed for. 

and if you've been following my path these past few years, you know why i'm sitting there reading this chapter and just cheesing from ear to ear. 

i see my story in diana's story, despite all our differences, i feel a deep kinship with her. and i'm deeply inspired by how she chose to focus her life on being present with those who were suffering and invisible to the rest of society. 

i'm 2/3 of the way through the book so i don't yet know what else will unfold for me here. maybe the universe has more surprises for me. and i'm bracing for the sad ending that i know is coming. 

i'll update you all when i'm done. 

keep your eyes open out there friends. the universe is speaking.

remember when we didn’t have unlimited data and we had to actually moderate our phone usage?

starting to think that was a feature and not a bug.

Stopped writing my newsletter when our baby was born two months ago and haven’t felt energized enough to write long form again. Been mostly focused on writing on LinkedIn.

There’s a part of me judging myself for not being more consistent with my newsletter.

But I think I’m just starting to learn and trust my energy flows. I know that there will be a time again where newsletter articles flow out of me like water. But that time is not now. And that’s okay.

Can we take self-inquiry too far?

Can the constant seeking of healing itself be an attachment?

Most people haven't done nearly enough self-inquiry, to learn about their fears, what makes them happy, what unconscious stories still drive them.

But I've also seen people make this work their entire life. I've dipped into that level of immersion myself...

Constantly seeking the next coach, the next workshop, the next retreat, chatting with chatgpt about the most recent revelation, surrounding myself only with people who speak in enlightened tones. Especially for those of us in the coaching world, it's easy to make this work our everything. 

When does self-inquiry start to get in the way of just living our life?

Perhaps that's where the quote, "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water" comes from. 

Eventually, the search becomes the attachment, and we just have to go back to living our life.

And I don't think it has to be as binary as before or after enlightenment. I'm certainly not enlightened. I still have a great deal of work to do as I chip away back to wholeness.

But the question I'm sitting with is how do I live my life WHILE doing the work, and catch myself when I find myself waiting for some time out there in the future where I'll be enlightened, and I get to live my life again. 

Life is happening now, whether I'm "doing the work" or not. Maybe living life is the work.

Me: if running a community drains you of energy, maybe you should stop running it

Also me: still running the decade-long fantasy football league that is the source of endless rage and anxiety

high school reunion update:

- it was a bit overwhelming at first seeing 50 people that i grew up with and haven't seen in 20 years all at once
- but after the initial wave i felt more settled in and it was a ton of fun reminiscing with everyone 
- best story of the night: how i once walked off a cliff when trying to pee in the middle of the night on a camping trip 
- 5 people said they love my linkedin content which only slightly made me want to crawl into a dark corner because i didn't know high school people followed me here 
- very few of the people who were "popular" showed up which i guess was to be expected 
- people mostly asked the same three questions:
1. where are you living?
2. what are you doing for work?
3. have kids? 
and then the conversation died 
- but for the people i was close with back in school, it felt easy to hang and talk all about life 

all in a really fun night 

highly recommend going to your high school reunions! 

it humanized all of these people who have just become generalized memories over so many years and helped undo some stories i was still holding in my head 

also wear name tags... would have saved a few awkward interactions

This might be a controversial take, but i think that “leaderless communities” are a myth. 

There’s a common aspiration I’ve observed in the world of community where the holy grail is a community where everyone is contributing, power is equally distributed, everything is created bottom up, very kumbaya, etc. 

But I’ve never seen this type of community exist in reality. 

Communities always have leadership, either an individual or a group of people who have more decision making power than the rest of the community. Even in this most distributed communities (think burning man) there is still central leadership anchoring the community together. 

There may be checks and balances on that leadership, like a board. It may be spread out across a committee. Committees may be required the change over time. 

But at any given time, there always seems to be some level of centralization in community. Pure decentralization does not exist in reality. 

And communities always need to have a core group who runs operations. Some things you can empower the community to self organize. But some things just need a core team to own if it’s going to get done. 

I also think that we tend to overdemonize any centralization of power. Indeed, it can be taken too far. But power is a natural part of every community and every ecosystem. To deny it is to deny nature itself. 

Instead, I wonder how can we be in right relationship with power, honor it’s value, while holding healthy boundaries with it. The power held by leadership is always going to be in relationship with the collective power of the community. When power gets out of balance, nature has a way of correcting. 

This is a strong opinion loosely held. I’m open to being wrong. I’m open to being shown examples I haven’t yet seen. 

Fwiw, there’s also no such thing as having total control over a community. To some extent, it will always emerge in ways that can’t be predicted or controlled. Even the strongest autocrat will eventually crumble to the collective power of the community. 

100% leaderless is a myth
100% leader-controlled is a myth 

It’s always somewhere in the middle.

Gratitude journaling did nothing for me.

Then 👇this👇 change made it 10x more powerful:

—

Here’s what you do…

Change it to a spite journal 😈

Instead of writing all the things you’re grateful for, write all the things you want to burn to the ground!!! 

jk jk

Here's the actual change I made:

BEFORE ...

...✨whispy sounds play, wssspwsspwsspwssspsss, as we fade to younger spinks, sitting at his desk, with a cup of coffee, eyebrows furrowed, pen in hand✨...

At first gratitude journaling was a purely intellectual exercise. 

I would think of three things to be grateful for, write them down, an then go on with the rest of my journaling. 

But *thinking* gratitude did nothing for me. 

"I'm grateful for my health, and my family, and for winning my basketball game even though I missed that fucking layup..." etc etc. 

Meaningless.

Because it was all just thoughts. And thoughts are *shoulds*.

I was focused on what I *should* be grateful for, not what I was actually grateful for. 

No bueno.



OK AND FAST FORWARD TO NOW...

...✨whispy sounds play again, wsspwsssspwsspwspwsppwsss… as we fade back to current spinks, calmly standing at his desk, with a steamy cup of earl grey, and a sexy, graying beard, pen in hand✨...

Now? Gratitude journaling is an experiential exercise. It's somatic. It's felt.

I don't just think of things to be grateful for. I reflect on my day, and try to identify moments where I FELT gratitude. Ya feel me? Not THOUGHT gratitude. But actually felt it in my bones. 

Then–and this is key–I stop writing. I pause.

I close my eyes. I take a deep breath. And I feel that gratitude again. Literally three seconds is enough. The gratitude fills me up. 

And ughhh does actually experiencing gratitude, rather than just thinking about it, feel soooo good.

Better than sex.

Unless you're feeling grateful for sex, which is a conversation we should take off linkedin.

But yes FEELING gratitude is what makes gratitude journaling so transformational. 

Don’t *think* gratitude. 

Feel it.

You may find that when you feel grateful, it's very hard to also feel angry, or afraid, or lesser than. The two emotions can't exist at the same time. When you feel grateful, it's like your whole life was designed for you. 

Because it was, my fellow cellular blobs with souls. This life was made for you.

And there's oh so much to FEEL grateful for.

I’m sitting in Union Square and have 40 minutes to kill. Comment with something you’re feeling stuck on and I’ll ask you questions to help you get unstuck.

as i've experienced the transformational power of silence, i started to wonder, "how can i capitalize on this with ai?"

so ive designed a highly intelligent ai that uses the power of silence to help you solve all your problems and grow spiritually

here's how it works:

1. you ask a question 
2. the ai simply won't answer you 

are you ready for the life-changing experience of ai-powered silence? 

don't comment on this post and i'll dm you the link to download the app

🙏🌀

petition to officially change the name of LinkedIn to linkydinky.

all in favor, say boopyboppy

voicemails are a lost art. i love leaving my friends vms about what im doing (probably eating) and my thoughts on the matters of the day

Taplio

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