IH Coaching

Transformational Coach - Listening & Leadership

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Boohoo Group PLC

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Listening - Helping you discover its true power🔸️Coach | Speaker

The lowest of low-hanging fruit for LinkedIn engagement 👇 

Shout about a 𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿,

Or a 𝘁𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰 𝗯𝗼𝘀𝘀.

Widespread support yes...

But words casually tossed out with little thought for what it means to define people in such a way.

So, here's 5 things to think about instead... 

1️⃣  - We're quick to look and label with certainty, while hoping others appreciate our own complexities.

2️⃣  - We guess someone is a narcissist, when we're really looking at some behaviours that lean that way under certain conditions. 

3️⃣  - One person's toxic is another person's '𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘯𝘰-𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴'. We all see and experience something different.

4️⃣  - There's money to be made through the judgement of others when it taps into a real pain point.

5️⃣  - What's their story? We talk about empathy when it feels obvious, but can we find it when it feels the most challenging?

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This is hard, especially #5.

What's easy is high-fiving followers in the LinkedIn comments about how awful people are.

But, this is also general commentary too, and not a claim on any individual case.

Maybe your own example is bad, progress feels impossible and you just need to get out of there.

But perhaps there are times when some of those points and questions might have more of a place too. 

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Wherever you're at, if there is something live, and you're curious about a completely fresh approach, send me a DM and we can start a chat.


Ian Heaton

An update on my 1-1 coaching service...

This will now be 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆. 

Meaning...

1️⃣ - You book a 30 minute free connection call.

Then, if you want to work together...

2️⃣ - You book 𝘰𝘯𝘦 paid 90 minute session.

And that's it.

↳ No long term commitment
↳ No repeated sessions of weeks and months
↳ No hoping a programme is the right length for you

I won't be your ongoing coach or your accountability partner.

And I won't be there to help you meet your goals.

Yes, other people do this brilliantly, but it's not me.

What I will do, is channel all my efforts and attention into those 90 minutes we do have together.

And that will act as an accelerator on what you ultimately end up seeing for yourself.

The thing is...

Your biggest breakthroughs are unpredictable in their timing.

And any external help you need in unlocking them, is largely a guessing game.

Trying to fit anyone into some x months or y sessions container, has always felt like the impossible to me...

So, I'm choosing a different path instead.

-----

What does a session look like?

Either...

1️⃣ - A core coaching one to process some live relationship problem(s) right now. I ask and you explore.

That could be...

- Your struggling employee
- Your soul-destroying boss
- Your argumentative colleague

𝘰𝘳

2️⃣ - A consultation on how better listening is your plan for transforming your relationships and the impact you have. Way more directive in nature.

That could be...

- To drive influence at the highest level
- To read the room in those meetings that matter
- To completely change up your team's performance

𝘰𝘳

3️⃣ - A hybrid of the above. The 90 minutes is split between different needs.

The three options are about flexibility - there's room to process deeper stuff for your closest relationships, right through to getting no nonsense advice about how to listen better.

And who is this for?

My two main filters:
- This is you in your work. Yes, everything is connected in life, but the stuff I do is about that world at the heart of it.
- There's some level of experience behind you. This is not for people starting out. 

To put names to it:

Leaders, managers and small business owners.

-----

So, if you're interested about what this could look like for you...

Or you're in transition, stepping up, or have new people to work with, and now feels like a good time to talk...

Send me a DM and we can have a chat.

PS - This doesn't mean we can't work together more than once. It simply means you only ever book one session at once. And if a future session does make sense, you get a discount on that.

The Power of Listening - a quick update...

Some weeks back I shared with you a project I was working on with my business partner Jacob Coldwell...

A new service (𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨) being delivered as an interactive training session for you, or you and your team.

And many of you at the time also shared your own listening challenges and content preferences that have helped with the build.

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The good news: It's still happening.

The other news: Things change, including timelines and the need to adapt along the way.
  
So, it's happening, just at a different pace.

-----

I wanted to clarify that because I'd alluded to a more imminent release in some recent posts.

Anyway, we're looking forward to sharing it with you when the time comes.

When you listen, you reach places others don't.

You're not bound by your own area of expertise...

or stopped by those barriers you once threw up.

You're not avoiding the brand new...

Nor believing the value you give = the answers you bring.

Instead,

You're free.

To meet them where they are,

And to work with where they want to go.

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Most people don't operate with that freedom.

Because their own stuff never gets out of the way.

So, what about you?

What does that all look like and feel like right now?

Can you reflect and point to that freedom? And under what conditions?

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𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 '𝘗𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨' 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘐'𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘰𝘣 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝘈 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬.

LinkedIn has problems.

Especially in the leadership space.

Here's another one...

The complexity of someone's past experience continues to be reduced to a series of simple steps for the next person to take.

↳ Be this
↳ Do this
↳ Demonstrate that

It's an overplaying of their own actions...

And an under-appreciation for the stuff in place that meant those actions were carried out.

2 things here:

1️⃣  - That 2nd part is hard to pin down and package up - It's awareness, internal shifts, old barriers, feelings, variables that can't be seen, dots that can't be joined, and the rest. It's messy and it's individual.

2️⃣  - That messiness is easy to unconsciously clean up over time. Someone's new story of their past is the simple version of what played out, in part because there's an incentive to sell it that way. 

-----

It doesn't mean frameworks and guidance have no place.

But the understanding of where they fit within the bigger stuff for you, is critical.

-----

What do you think about this one?

PS  I think a lot of omissions on this stuff are unintentional, resulting from the person's own lack of awareness. 

Nothing quite says '𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺...'

Than pre-determining their level of privilege...

Based on their sex and race.

A stance a lot of corporates now push.

A position often referenced here on LinkedIn.

And a message increasingly given to kids too.

And while it's often framed politically, it's not a political issue...

Instead, it's about something more basic at a human level.

-----

Simply put...

Buying into it a way of seeing groups through "progressive" messaging, slick presentations and peer pressure is one thing...

Following that through in practice, when it creates a clear contradiction with fair treatment, is another. 

Meaning, when you're sat across from someone...

What is their expectation over your openness vs. the judgement you might bring?

Something has to give.

Either that privilege principle holds.

Or

They're seen as an individual and you listen.

The two can't co-exist.

And it seems a lot of people are trying to pretend they can.

-----

PS None of this is about bias. We all have that to work on in different places.

Do you have the freedom to listen?

And how do you know?

Here's 7 places to look... 

So, which one stands out for you?

1️⃣ - 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀 - I always see myself as leader and I don't become a true partner in the conversation. 

2️⃣ - 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 - My contribution is defined by the problems I solve and the knowledge I share.

3️⃣ - 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 - My interactions suffer when I'm on the clock or I'm mentally elsewhere.

4️⃣ - 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 - My efforts are often directed towards the outcome that needs achieving. Listening takes a backseat. 

5️⃣ - 𝗔𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 - Certain subject matters generate more of a reaction in me. I protect what I see/believe.

6️⃣ - 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 - My conditioning, biases and filters on life can lead me in ways I'm not even aware of.  

7️⃣ -  𝗕𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲 - My unaddressed feelings towards the speaker distort the information they share.

What else would you add?

Here's a quick Friday exercise to try...

Think of a recent conversation where this phrase popped up.

"𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨."

Now, imagine yourself no longer part of that interaction.

Instead, you're now watching on as a neutral observer.

And your outside perspective gives you a fresh look.

Yes, you notice that lack of listening.
But its now seen absent of any emotional attachment.

Your task:

Spend 𝟯 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲𝘀 listing as many possible reasons as to why they aren't listening.

↳ No judgement
↳ No concern with what's right or wrong here
↳ No concern over some reasons being more understandable than others.

Just 3 minutes to see what you come up with.

Go!

PS There's nothing to action beyond this. The stuff you list will naturally give you some things to reflect on.

We hire a coach because we want change.

But our needs vary wildly.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲,

Something has been missing for years, maybe decades.

Pain, suffering, self-doubt, living a life of somebody else, holding so much back, and the rest...

A big internal breakthrough feels like a necessity.

And the right coach can help make that a reality.

Time, space and full exploration is all required. 

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀,

That stuff is alien.

There's no deep internal struggle and there never has been.

No need to search and find the 'real you', because it's already there.

A quiet confidence and plenty already in place.

But there is frustration...

With who they work with, who they work for, why others do what they do, and why the same people make everything seem that much harder to face.

And that's enough to spark a few questions...

About what they might not be seeing.

Meaning coaching is an option.

But a small dose one.

-----

The reality is, I'm talking to that second group.

And more of my content will gradually tap into that...

Especially as it further aligns with my shift to single-session coaching.

Sharp and focused work together on the problem at hand.

The nuts and bolts of where to focus those efforts, what to look for, and where to begin. 

And that clarity with where that fits in for you.

A helping hand, but that's all.

Ultimately you find your own way, and that's what works for you.

You make a change because you end up seeing what you didn't see before.

-----

If any of this speaks to where you're at, send me a DM and we can go from there.

Two people in conversation. The problem 👇

Their starting points are radically different.

And neither has any idea.

Discussions follow from an assumption of a closely shared reality. It doesn't exist.

Misunderstandings, disagreements and frustrations then take hold, with both staying blind to their roots.

Any attempt to resolve, now resembles two people fumbling around in the dark.

-----

Example (a personal one):

📍The news is not real📍

And by 'not real', I don't mean every single story is a pack of lies.

Just a collective take after being subjected to a sustained pattern of 'narrative over everything', omission of information and suppression of speech.

The real bits are virtually impossible to know, so the lot goes in the bin.

Tust is zero. Nothing can be believed.

That's my filter.

So, if I'm discussing any major political/social topic of the day, then I have to be aware the other person might have a completely different filter.

And see the sense of their stance from that position.

The conversation that follows at least then has a shot.

-----

The same principle just applies elsewhere.

Work. Home. Wherever.

The context changes
The subject matter changes
The nuance in play might be more

But the awareness point stands.

-----

PS I try to stay open to how flawed my thinking  can be, know that I lean more sceptical on a load of things, and have opinions influenced by a whole host of stuff I can't pin down, including some news sources that at one time I did believe.

The things you're chasing can resolve themselves as a by-product to the commitment you make to others.

For me, and everything I talk about, that means a 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵.

And that's not an easy sell.

Why?

↳ It's an indirect route
↳ It's a focus away from you, not on you (sorry ego).

But on the flip side...

When it genuinely becomes about the other person,

What is revealed for you, is beyond what can be found by searching within.

You open up more about yourself without trying...

And then you simply act on what you notice along the way.

-----

This is another reason why my coaching is now 100% single-session based.

Once you're on your way, you have everything you need.

So, send me a DM if you're curious about whether a session could fit for where you're at.

So many conversations exist where...

The other person's attention needs fighting for,

Rather than being openly given.

So, what you're saying might not be the problem...

The level of your attention while you say it and after you've said it, might be.

That could mean a communication breakdown from your end is hard to spot,

But when you peek into the minds of those receiving it.

It could look something like...

"𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 - you've no time to hear my follow up question."

"𝗜 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘆𝗼𝘂 - next time I'll adapt for how this will go."

"𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 - your words say one thing, your attention another."

-----

Now, some of that is at the harsher end of what could be going on, but it's worth thinking about. So, what does it look like for you?

=====

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱?

𝘐 𝘥𝘰 1-1 𝘤𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 - 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘗𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘰𝘣 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 - 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 90 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘷𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 Apr 10th.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱.

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