Mounica Veggalam's Linkedin Analytics

The danger of Leadership superpowers: One of the superpowers I've developed as a coach over the last few years is to see through people's belief systems. I've trained hard on the skills. I've worked on the feedback. I've done an incredible amount of inner work to see my own mistakes. If I sit in conversation with someone, I can easily spot all the places they're holding back, the places they're stretching themselves, and the places they're justifying their blindspots. It's like 4th-dimensional vision. It makes me good at my job. Helps me support my clients with ease. It leads to deep work with people that I've always wanted to do, having been a personal development nerd for many years. But this path is fraught with danger. You start putting yourself on the Iron Throne. From this throne, you can see the humans and their follies, and direct them to better places. Yet also, you become the Lone Mad King, with the ability to direct but precisely zero ability to be part of the tribe. Your ego convinces you that you're much "better" than others. It starts to create a hierarchy where none exists. But wait, since you have the 4D vision, you see this. You go the other route to show humility. You step down from your Iron Throne. You convince yourself, "I'm not better, that's my ego. Others have better skills and experience. I should learn from them." The danger is that you don't realise you're still in a conversation in the realm of heirarchy-- the "who's better" conversation. It's still the ego talking to itself, protecting you from the discomfort of a deep connection and service to your tribe. The leadership that comes from sitting on thrones (or giving them up in the name of humility) is the version where you're left empty. You become the loner, who can see a lot, but complains about burnout, about the soul-sucking nature of leadership, and about the constant rat race. Most coaches and leaders get stuck here. Lots of insights for others. Lots of inner-work to find your blind spots. Lots of ability to lead 'them'. But no capacity to connect at the human level. No capacity to work with people as they are. The breakthrough of leadership lies in the real humility of opening your heart and doing the hard work of: - Building space for others' humanity in their limited belief systems - Setting aside all your mental models while standing firm in your work - Getting supported by your coaches and mentors to take more responsibility (more than you're willing to). Therein lies the possibility of a rich life -- filled with joy no matter how others show up, filled with delight at human greatness in every moment, and filled with abundant connection to your people. You have to set aside your 4D vision and your hard-earned superpowers. Yes, use them where they're needed. At the same time, stay grounded in what's real-- the flawed yet delightful human life, whether you're on the throne or in the hallways with others.

People don’t mind struggling. People mind struggling alone—and then being misunderstood. No wonder AI is widely being adopted.

ChatGPT is too agreeable now to the point of being annoying. I’ve been playing up a storm with vibe-coding, journaling and general check-ins. It’s useful. But don’t let it fool you into thinking that it gets you.

Watch out for this phenomenon in teams: “the way things work here.” It kills autonomy and self-leadership. When we bring a group of people together, the default thing in the space is everyone looking out for “the way things work here”. Humans want to belong. We modify ourselves in many subtle ways so we fit in to the rules. Until we’re assured that we are accepted, we feel a deep unsettling that our minds will continuously solve for. If you want to create leaders, you need to be aware of this dynamic and address two things: 1. Set agreements that will give people a reference point and can lean back on. Set a group vision they’re enrolled into. 2. Stand strong for the differentiation for each individual. Their commitments, their vision and their voices. Don’t let people fall into the “the way things work here” because you can bet that it will lead to resignation from their individuality.

Be a powerful stand for people’s growth in your 1:1s. Join us to learn a simple shift and practice it live with others.

Most managers believe they have two options when someone’s upset about a colleague: 1. Take sides. 2. Stay neutral and ask them to "handle it", because you don't know the complete story. But there’s a third path—one that actually grows the person in front of you. Imagine this possibility: Alice tells you she's having constant problems with Bob. You listen. You ask a few clarifying questions. Then, with deep empathy, "Yes, Bob is pushing back and not collaborating with you well. That's tough energy to deal with." - You don't get hooked into debating who's right. - You don't try to mediate, fix, or smooth it over. - You don't rush to reframe the situation or suggest a workaround. - You don't leave them to figure it out. (All these moves, even when well-intended, create more overwhelm and dependence on you, both energetic and mental. They reinforce the idea that *you* need to make the tension go away.) Instead, you shift the conversation entirely. "What are you trying to create in your relationship with Bob?" "What are you trying to create for yourself?" That's the pivot from reaction to leadership. You help Alice move from blame to vision. From story to choice. She may think her goals are *not possible,* but she will have a small feeling: perhaps it *could* be possible. You've helped her hold two truths at once: - Bob is being difficult. - And she can create something different anyway. That's what *creating leadership* feels like. Not fixing. Not rescuing. Just creating more space for someone to rise. -- If you want to turn your 1:1s to growth conversations like this, join us at The Creating Leaders workshop. Friday May 9th. 10 AM PT. We have only 10 spots left. creatingleadershipworkshop(dot)netlify(dot)app (because LinkedIn treats external links like they're a crime—you’ll have to type it in).

We have only a few seats left for our Creating Leaders Workshop tomorrow. Join us here: https://lnkd.in/gX6bgwnh

If you're leading a group of people, whether a team, community or organization, you'll see some common patterns that ultimately cause people problems. This talk is for leaders who lead groups, especially the ones with logical thinkers and self-reliant personalities. In this talk, I'll be exploring: 1. The underlying dynamics of people problems 2. What people need in chaos and uncertainty 3. Short-term ways to address the people problems 4. Creating long-term breakthroughs for the group Join me live!

AI can become an obstacle to your personal growth. So I played with AI for personal reflection for the last 2 weeks. Apart from the usual suspects (pleasing the user and hallucinating/reaffirming wrong conclusions), I found a big miss in using AI for personal growth-- Relational Awareness. Yes, I'm making the now very common argument that AI cannot replace a human, but for a different reason than you'd think. Here it is: Self-reliant people who have a tendency to avoid discomfort in relationships, which is probably most of us, will use AI to distract themselves from that work. I can see myself going down that path and using it to solve my 'problems' instead of bringing them up with my coach and other support systems. A deep, uncomfortable conversation with a colleague made me realize this (story below in the video). What about you? Do you see this avoidance for yourself?

I'm unreasonably proud of this essay I wrote. It speaks to something I've been sensing for many years now but couldn't quite put my finger on. Writing with AI has unlocked the edge I was bumping against. Whenever I experimented with AI, I hated it. It lacked soul. It was too tactical, too agreeable, and too challenging sometimes. I thought maybe I didn't know how to prompt well, and I took the writing course from Evan Armstrong, "How To Write With AI." I expected some tactical help in prompting. Instead, I got deep awareness of my personal taste, a class in differentiating myself and preserving the spark of my experience. The process helped me channel my recovering-perfectionism into personal taste. There's still a sense that there's more I could do. I could make this essay more insightful, more personal or more inviting. But, I would say this is an excellent start for living a writer's life. 🥂

Being successful at work isn’t about better influence strategies. It’s about recognizing when someone is reacting from fear—and choosing not to make it about you. If you find yourself saying: “I need to advocate better for my ideas.” “I have to prove I’m being thoughtful.” “I just want people to understand where I’m coming from.” You’re likely not facing a skills gap. You’re facing someone else’s fear. Fear of being left behind. Fear of not mattering. Fear of losing control. And when people feel that fear, they often take shelter in what feels morally right. “You’re need to stop protecting your team and think wider.” “This isn’t empathetic.” “You’re just doing what you want.” It *sounds* like air-tight reason. It *feels* like feedback. But it’s really fear—masked as moral clarity. And here’s the trap: when you rush to prove that you're being collaborative or thoughtful, you’ve already left your clarity. You've left your vision. You go from standing in a grounded decision… to scrambling to manage someone else’s perception of it; perception of you. You start managing their fear instead of leading your choice. Powerful leadership doesn’t mean getting people to agree. It means being able to see their fear for what it is—and not *collapsing* into it. You don’t have to fight it. You don’t have to fix it. You can just name it to yourself: “This isn’t about whether I’m right. This is about what they’re afraid to lose.” Then you lead. You say: “I hear that it’s hard. And I’m still choosing this.” Not to win. But to stay in your own leadership. That’s the edge: Can you stay connected to your vision when nothing seems to work? Can you stay clear when someone else feels afraid? Can you stay open without shrinking? That’s where powerful leadership begins -- when you empower yourself and others at the same time; when you don't collapse into their fear-based arguments; when you stand for care, partnership and vision, all at the same time.

I used to coach people to get promoted. Then I stopped. Getting promoted was the clear and measurable outcome when I started my coaching business. I helped people navigate hard conversations, pitch new initiatives, network more—and it worked. They got promoted. They moved into Senior leadership roles, expanded their scope, and built impressive teams. But something didn't sit right with me. The results were there, but the experience wasn’t changing. There was a quiet, inevitable weight on their shoulders. And for many, the ambition they once held started to feel like a burden. When I asked what was next, the answers were, "I want to grow organically from here," "I want to live a little, spend time with my kids, be more present." But wait... coaching is meant to help with all these things. Results + Experience. Together. Right? I was helping with both as far as I could tell. Then what was I missing? I couldn’t coach just for promotions anymore. I started turning people away when the only goal was the title. Not that it was wrong, but because there was a deeper truth I couldn't show them. I didn’t know how to name it yet, let alone coach around it. I could feel it, but couldn’t articulate it until I had a breakthrough in it myself. Through my own work—with my coach, in leadership training, and in life—I started to see THE THING: People leaders weren't just tired from the work—they were tired from carrying the thinking, the ownership, the emotional weight their team wasn’t (yet) stepping into. *When you care deeply, it’s easy to create dependence.* I’ve done it as a coach, a parent, a partner. I helped. I fixed. I made it easier. And then I quietly resented the pressure of holding it all. Most managers do the same. They support. They solve. They carry. And their people never quite step into their own leadership. *Support doesn’t grow leadership. Invitation does. Invitation to a bigger vision.* It’s a simple shift—from solving, to coaching. From carrying to holding. From being the answer, to creating space for others to find their own. This shift CREATES LEADERSHIP, not dependence. It's a bit easier to demonstrate than to talk about it. So next Friday, I’m hosting a workshop to show you this shift. We’ll teach you basic coaching skills you can use in your 1:1s. You’ll coach. You’ll get coached. You’ll get feedback. You’ll leave with a new lens on how you grow your people—and how you lead. 🪑 20 seats. May 9. 10am PT. Free. 🔗 https://lnkd.in/gHZWWWMD (Image below: this is the shift we’ll explore.)

These days, the solution to everything is, “You need better boundaries.” A few years ago, I was in a tough dilemma with a relationship. I spoke to a “relationship expert” coach. Two hours and 1500 British pounds later, he asked me to cut this relationship out of my life and indicated I needed better boundaries. I was pretty taken aback. I did not ask for advice on whether to keep the relationship or not. I specifically hired him to learn how to work within the relationship. Maybe I had terrible boundaries. But it was pretty clear to me that the relationship was important, and I wanted to learn how to face the challenges. Therapy and self-help culture, for all its merits, created a modern obsession in our society with boundaries as a universal “how-to” solution without examining the real issue, the “what.” We now say a relationship is ‘toxic’ even when it’s not. We say a boss is a ‘micromanager’ when they’re not. We say a work environment is ‘not psychologically safe’ when it’s your average workplace with everybody trying to do their best. Boundaries have become our go-to defense strategy against work overwhelm and emotional triggers. Don’t get me wrong—boundaries are pretty important, whether they’re set in a messy or refined way. I’m arguing against the current narrative of using boundaries as a defense strategy, like using a hammer to open a bottle cap. What if you don't need "better boundaries?" What if you need to dig deeper and build a clearer vision of "what you want" in your relationships, your work, and your commitments? Boundaries are the means to your goals. Not the end goal. I believe we should clarify the "What For" before the "How." I believe the way we use boundaries right now is defensive and distancing in relationships instead of creating deeper connections. I believe we need to set boundaries that respect our differentiation and connection, at the same time. It's a tough ask, I understand. But the starting point is asking ourselves, "What am I looking to create in my relationships and work, if anything were possible?"

Ever come across someone who just doesn't seem to understand you, your point of view, or your work? Here's my process for working with people in such situations. Let go of your need to be understood. I know this can be super frustrating to hear. When people show resistance, all I want to do is give them a piece of my mind. "Well, actually..." "You're missing the point that..." "That's your belief about..." "So when I face such a challenge, what helps me is.." All of these are different ways of defending what they 'should' be doing instead of what they're doing now. It works to a certain extent. But the impact is limited. When we put 'should's on others, a part of them gets shut down. They'll either argue, disconnect, try to please you, or stop their work (fight, flight, fawn, or freeze). You might have seen how hard it is to work with people when they get into these modes. What they end up feeling: "This person doesn't understand me." Wait, what? You wanted to avoid misunderstanding, and that's creating more misunderstanding? Yes, we innocently keep creating what we avoid. So when someone doesn't get you, slow down. Instead of giving them 'what they need to hear,' connect with what's going with them. Then speak from that place. Instead of "Well actually...," you might say, "Hey, what's going on for you?" "How are you seeing this?" "What's important for you right now?" "I got you. Where to next?" Understand them-- What's having them respond the way they are? Understand yourself-- What's having you try to control them toward your POV? The work is always on the inside. Never 'out there'. Let go of your need to be understood.